My First Diva Cup Just Brought Me Closer to My Period

As a genderfluid individual, who often ignores their female body, I never thought I’d form a relationship with my period. But there I was, at 26 years old, reaching my fingers deep inside to pull out the bloody diva cup- and surprisingly, I felt relief.

My relationship to my body, and my menstrual cycle has always been complicated. Shame, social pressures, learned behaviours, and some fucked up core beliefs have had me ignoring myself for majority of my life. Add on my gender identity and dysphoria to that twisted list, and we’ve got a chaotic concoction. And anyways, who wants to bleed monthly for a week?

The first thing I did when I got my period was cry. My mom congratulated me on becoming a “Woman” and I immediately told her to get out.

I always treated my period at a distance. It was something my body did that I tried to pay as minimal attention to as possible. Pads, tampons, and Tylonel were what served me every couple weeks, and I tried not to pay too much emotional attention to it. That being said, I usually cried a day or two beforehand, so maybe it did get emotional. But that’s how I knew when the blood would start. Or I’d crave chocolate.

I’ve never really kept track until recently, because again, I usually try to avoid my body. (My therapist has some thoughts on that but that’s for another time.)

You might ask, well Oneg, why are you suddenly giving more of a shit about yourself?

Well dear reader, a good marriage does that. (Also good therapy). It helps to have an amazing wife support you as you grow into yourself shamelessly. She also got the diva cup first.

And why the change? Well let me tell you!

A diva cup is much more eco friendly, cost friendly, and apparently much better for your vaginal health. I never knew how tampons and pads have chemicals that can alter your pH and even affect the severity of your flow and symptoms.

Not having to worry about running out of tampons, or the awkward crinkle of the pad wrapper is another advantage. Oh and the money you save! I don’t even want to think about the money I’ve spent on feminine hygiene products.

My wife decided to switch to the cup earlier this year. And from her experience and advice, I decided to follow suit. So far mostly good.

(I say mostly good because I VERY UNFORTUNATELY dropped the cup in the toilet by accident while taking it out. Let’s just say it was a cringy undignified experience.)

But let’s get even more real.

I never thought I’d be inserting a rubber cup into my vagina and be okay with it. I’m not much for penetration (I’m dying from writing that!) and I’m not much for paying attention to my vagina either.

Ironically, my first stint at actual acting was in university when I tried out for ‘The Vagina Monologues’. I was asked to read the part about staring at my own vagina with a hand mirror in a class full of other women. Somehow, I got a spot in the show but had to turn it down due to work scheduling conflicts.

Having to spend time with my vagina, my blood, and other… stuff… wasn’t something I ever imagined doing.

Did it bring me closer to my femininity or “womanhood”? No. Not at all. I don’t really feel a need to relate my reproductive organs and parts to a social construct.

But did it bring me closer to an understanding and acceptance of my body? Yes.

Somehow, seeing that cup full of blood didn’t gross me out. It kind of made me feel badass. It made me realize that my period is not just sticky pads and feeling shitty.

It’s natural.

It’s messy.

It’s badass.

It’s powerful.

And that’s not a word I ever thought I’d use to describe something about my physical self.

Having gender dysphoria and body shame is a terrible rollercoaster to ride. But this experience somehow gave me some relief and peace. And I’m grateful for it.

I might rename it “badass blood catcher”, but for now, I’m growing towards appreciating myself just a bit more.

Cheers.