You're Heartbroken...How To Remind Yourself That You're Worthy

A break-up can affect everyone involved in it, but it can be particularly difficult for the person who did not desire it. This is because he/she may be feeling a range of negative emotions, such as sadness, anger, rejection, and betrayal. They may also be struggling to adjust to the loss of their relationship and the changes it brings to their life.

There is some evidence that women may be more emotionally affected by break-ups than men. For example, a 2015 study found that women reported higher levels of both physical and emotional pain following a breakup. However, it is important to note that everyone experiences breakups differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question.

Other factors that can influence how a breakup affects someone include:

• The length and seriousness of the relationship;
• The circumstances of the breakup;
• The person's individual coping mechanisms;
• Their support system.

To appreciate why break-ups can be so lethal to our emotions, it is important to understand the root cause of them. Broken hearts are mainly caused by unfulfilment of our expectations coupled with low self-esteem. Often we think so low of ourselves, we put our whole life in the hands of one person to get 'happiness', and when that happiness is withdrawn the pain of losing it is too much to bear. For example, we meet someone, we like them a lot, we come to trust them and believe in them, then start to weave our dreams and life around them, too. When they fail to conform to those expectations by not sharing, or rejecting, what we have in mind, we are often hugely disappointed and devastated.

It is natural to feel some loss when a relationship breaks up. But any break that causes us to feel really badly about ourselves, and lasts for too long, is self-inflicted. If we really love and value ourselves, everything in life - whether happiness or heartache - becomes part of our natural routine, nothing extraordinary, because life has two natural sides: good and bad, up and down, birth and death. We can't have one without the other. Most of all nothing lasts forever. Everything is only ever temporary. Accepting that fact is an important part of loving someone, in view of our natural evolution from one stage of life to the next.

To mend a broken heart and restore your self-esteem has five stages:

First, take time out for you, while you slowly detach yourself from your lover. Often the hurt is prolonged because you still keep yourself in their orbit. Avoid contact with your ex. This may be difficult, but it is important to give yourself time and space to heal. Do NOT continue to be 'friends' until the hurt stops and you feel better. Seeing or talking to your ex can only make it harder to move on. Make a complete detachment, otherwise you will be constantly reminded of the situation, especially at the early vulnerable stage when the pain is worst and you might be missing them.

Second, allow yourself to grieve. It is important to acknowledge and accept your feelings, even if they are negative. Don't try to bottle them up or pretend that you're okay when you're not. Try to talk to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone you feel comfortable with who can help you process your emotions and feel less alone.

Second, accept responsibility for your part in the break-up. Nothing is ever one-sided and simply blaming the other person while denying your input, no matter how small it was, merely prolongs the pain. By acknowledging and addressing your part in the process, the grievance will be lessened even quicker because you won't just be simply judging your mate on his/her actions, you will be addressing the quality of the relationship between you. The moment you put bitterness, resentment and anger above forgiveness or compassion is the moment you prolong your pain and agony, because all you will be thinking about are negative things that will make you feel even more inadequate and crappy.

Speeding up the Healing Process

Third, reinforce your self-love and take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Taking care of your physical health will also help improve your mental health. because you will feel unwanted and undesirable at this time, hence why you are likely to feel less ‘worthy’. It is easy to believe that no one will want you anymore, that you are no longer attractive and you will not find another relationship like that. But to love and be loved, you have to love yourself first. You cannot give away love if you have none for yourself. Nurturing your self-love is crucial to mending a broken heart. It also takes the focus off partners and puts it squarely on to yourself. That tends to speed up the healing process and re-affirm your esteem and worthiness.

Fourth, accept the situation as a natural part of the pleasure/pain cycle of life, important for teaching us lessons we need later on to live our life satisfactorily and to build our resilience. Life consists of both pain and love, manifested through death and rebirth, being two sides of the same coin. We cannot have one without the other. The love is there to nourish and sustain us while the pain helps us to develop our experiences and to face our challenges with resilience and new knowledge. It is best to learn the lessons they give and move on without grieving too long, knowing that there is likely to be someone even better and more deserving of you in the future.

Fifth, remind yourself daily of your natural appeal and value and do not judge the rest of your existence by ONE occasion. Moving on is most important especially in creating a new routine. Do things you enjoy. Spend time with loved ones, pursue your hobbies, and try new activities. Focusing on the things that make you happy will help you get through this difficult time. Just because someone is not keen on you does not mean your value is any less in everyone else's eyes. Your life is a journey, made up of numerous experiences, not based on one particular event. Make sure you continue your journey with even greater resilience and resolve.

There is ALWAYS a good reason behind why someone isn't right for you. It's just that you cannot see it at the time. If you did not desire the break, use rejection as a lesson in finding the right partner and move on to a more fulfilling experience. If you really love yourself, you won't give a hoot about another person's actions. You will be thankful for the moment you shared, looking ahead positively, without living in regrets or in the past - and feeling much better for it, too.

RELATED PODCAST: Are You Still Feeling Angry About A Past Rejection Or Break-Up?

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