Why Can't I Just Catch a Break? The Hidden Reasons Behind Repeated Illness & Life Setbacks

When you have gone through adversity after adversity (no matter the magnitude of such adversities); it is natural to ask yourself this question, as well as the following question:

"Why do I finally get back on my feet, only to be knocked down again?"

That is a quality question, and the quality of the questions you ask yourself moves you into the trajectory of recovery. After all we are human, and there are soul lessons and contracts to learn and discover. It can also take a bit of time, patience and grace for the nervous system to move from exhaustion to regulation, and back to safety. It is not what happens to us. It is how we respond or react to what happens, and luck is out of the equation.

Recovery is not a linear and straight line process, unfortunately. It would be nice if us humans healed from an illness or injury and we are back to normal indefinitely.

Stress is a common factor towards mental and physical illnesses, injuries, burnout and other forms of loss. Even if you happen to be an A+ student in stress management; stress is that arch-nemesis that accumulates over time, where the human body begins to break down. With rest and other helpful actions the body recovers, and when deeper layers of exhaustion and burnout are identified, another health challenge emerges, and you recover from that. With repeated setbacks, your new life (your new normal) is completely different. No different to renovating an old house. For example, the roof gets repaired, and through repairing the roof, you discover that a plumber is also needed. The plumber solves that particular problem, and a wiring issue is then discovered. This does not mean that this particular old house is run down; deeper problems simply surface when you dare to dive deeper. This is how the nervous system works when moving through exhaustion to safety.

The human body keeps the score on cumulative stress, as well as unresolved traumas. Just one major life event can put heavy weight on the human body. Just one layoff. Bereavement, surgery, chronic illness, burnout, financial pressure, caregiving and uncertainty in general can also cause an exhausted nervous system.

Multiple, significant events in a short space of time creates a heavy cumulative load on an already exhausted body and nervous system that wants to recover, where some much needed rest is on the cards; otherwise if you cut corners on that much needed rest, another setback, another crash manifests to slow you down for a little longer. (Speaking from authority, as two operations and a layoff all in the space of six months feels un-human.)

Despite recovering remarkably well and quicker than anticipated from chronic illness, acute infections, and a serious injury; I appreciate that my nervous system had to process more than is deemed fair. Manifesting another illness, injury and/or another form of loss through no fault of your own isn't because you failed at healing. This short-term trajectory simply means that your body has been overloaded with stress (including overwork and dealing with repeated uncertainties) for a long period of time. Your body has been under constant stress and strain.

The recovery process is a vulnerable time, because your life and your energy reserves are still rebuilding after signifiant illness and/or injury, or other major setback. With illness and injuries, inflammation can remain elevated, and your tolerance and resilience to dealing with stress and more uncertainty is lower. You are at a crossroads where decision fatigue is real, although temporary, and your emotional reserves are running low. On the external, appearance wise to others it appears that you have fully recovered, however internally your body is restoring its energy and biology. You feel like you are back to normal, and another crash arrives, until you take the necessary time out to rest and then rebuild.

Once you have experienced a major setback, your nervous systems' risk awareness increases. During this season and the recovery process you may become more hyper-vigilant, anticipating the next setback, combined with difficulties in fully relaxing and in feeling like you cannot trust stability just yet. None of these attributes are weaknesses. Rather it is the nervous system in protective mode until it is completely safe again. This explains why I have personally been attracting short-term part-time contract roles, rather than a stable longer term role. The latter still feels like an effort 12 months after an ankle fracture (with a layoff, full ankle fracture recovery, low iron, insulin resistance and gastroenteritis that followed this injury - with two IV treatments in the space of a few weeks); although the tide is beginning to turn due to now being shortlisted for a few suitable roles, because I had to give my body and nervous system months of rest and recovery to reach this stage of clarity and confidence.

In business and in life there is a cycle of gains and losses, success and collapse, death and rebirth. This is a common phenomenon. If success is built on adrenaline, overwork, hyper-independence, constant pushing and ignoring limits; things will get shaken. This is why there are some entrepreneurs who earn six and seven figure annual incomes, only to lose it all. This is why people get sick. Why bones break. While some other setback shakes you to the core in order to slow down and rebuild. Ambition and hustle works until it doesn't.

Social media is a fantastic channel where people showcase their wins such as promotions, new businesses, successful launches, new flashy cars, first class flights with caviar, and new cars and houses to name. Rarely if ever do you hear about exhaustion, relationship strains, debt, illness, injury, burnout and nervous system collapses on such channels. Always keep that in mind. Overnight successes have many hidden costs. Remember, an overnight millionaire means 15 years of sustainable and consistent effort - not chasing quick wins.

We live in an abundant world, and we all deserve success with the right attitude and work ethic; however that success has to be sustainable to your body. In the three months I took off work earlier this year right after the layoff, things were better than expected financially, due to supporting this only body I have for a change. (And I am still not working full-time as yet, although it would be nice to.)

I love mindset work, and cultivating an attitude of gratitude for my life. Therapy is great too, as this tool is a helpful way to process your thoughts in a coherent manner; however none of these techniques make us exempt from being human.

Furthermore, you can meditate, journal, eat well, sleep well, exercise and think positively; and still (speaking from experience since 2021) you can develop pneumonia and other respiratory infections; break an ankle; lose a coveted contract; lose your last blood relative; need two operations in a short time span; need two iron infusions during this time; get cancer, insulin resistance and gastroenteritis, as well as grieve all of these losses. Your body and nervous system is powerful, and it can (and does) heal itself. On the other hand, your body and nervous system cannot fully control genetics, viruses, accidents, ageing, economic changes, random events, and other people's choices. Life is merely uncertain.

Many people (including yours truly) who have experienced repeated adversities and setbacks in a short space of time eventually discover the fact that life wasn't asking them to become stronger and more resilient through endless suffering, although these character traits are a given through experiencing such. Life is teaching them to relate differently to themselves, and to their psyche.

The key life lessons from "not being able to catch a break" include, but are not limited to the following:

• Receiving support, or more support from others.

• Resting without guilt.

• Slowing down.

• Asking for help from others. (Deep down, people do really want to help and support others.)

• Not striving for perfection.

• Finding more meaning behind productivity.

• Creating gentler and more sustainable definitions of success.

No sugarcoating it. These lessons are difficult, as society and the economy is set up to reward the complete opposite of all of the above.

The old identity:

"I can do everything."

"I must achieve constantly."

"My worth comes from my productive output."

Your new identity becomes:

"I can still be successful and live gently and sustainably."

"I need rhythms, not relentless pushing."

"I am valuable, even when I am resting."

Experiencing childhood adversity and entrepreneurship alone would be a mammoth rebirth cycle for one person to contend with, let alone adding other stressors such as illness and uncertainty.

It is a human response to ask the following question to yourself after such repeated life events stacking: "Can I please just catch a break?"

It is great to view this patten in a different lens, and this has nothing to do with positive thinking, but rather a perspective change. See these setbacks as your life adapting and redesigning, where you are letting go of the old to make way for the new. For example, having gastroenteritis recently cleaned out my body, for a fresh new start two days before my Birthday. Or the cycle can begin at expansion, contraction, integration, and back to more expansion than ever before.

Some seasons are exhausting and unfair, while other seasons are carefree and abundant.

After significantly difficult periods, and on the other end of surviving such you also become more humble. Furthermore, your self awareness deepens, combined with tightening up your boundaries some more. You want to attract and you begin to attract different priorities in your life, more self compassion, more meaningful work, and a softer relationship with yourself, and then with others. It is not to say that suffering is ever enjoyable, because it is not. Each cycle brings more peace, nervous system safety, and sustainability.

I shall leave you with a deeper quality question to ask, if you have (unfortunately) been in the thick of not being able to catch a break by asking:

"How do I live well when life keeps changing?"

Fools by The Temper Trap is a song that is all about having a hunger for success, while on the other hand it too highlights the fragility of ambition and the risks taken in the pursuit of such when not done sustainably - to the cost of your body, possibly including your mental health: