We Were Forced To Get Naked in Junior High

One thing about my awkward junior high years I’ll never understand was being forced to shower after class in P.E. At the height of our 6th and 7th-grade insecurity, someone on the school board thought, “Hey. How can we make these kids’ awkwardness any worse? Oh yeah, let’s force them to get naked and shower in front of each other.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude. But what in the actual fuck was the reasoning behind forcing 12 and 13-year-old kids to shower in a communal shower, like prisoners in some gangster movie?

I didn’t stutter. We did not enjoy the single, modern-day gym showers with a curtain you can pull for privacy. We’re talking about a single large shower area with likely 20 or so shower heads. No privacy whatsoever.

Nobody there but you, God, and 20 naked kids who I am somewhat sure wanted no part of this, as I didn’t. Hopefully not some pervert sicko P.E. teacher spying around the corner. Thank fuck we didn’t have cell phones back in 1986. Ugh.

I remember the first day of 6th grade as if it was yesterday. Sitting through the first class, our last names inked onto our government issue junior high uniforms. Provencio BARELY fit into the box. Still, I was excited. I loved P.E. Until this year, anyway.

Mr. Greeno was our stocky, middle-aged P.E. teacher. Picture Richard Dawson from Family Feud, but in somewhat better shape. Thank Buddha he didn’t try to kiss any of us like his Family Feud doppelganger. But I did show him my ass once.

It didn’t even have to do with the prison-style showering. I was playing some sort of racquetball against Ray Williams. He didn’t like that I beat him on a point or didn’t agree with my call on a point. He whacked me on the butt with the wooden paddles we used.

That shit stung. I either went after him or Greeno saw us. Regardless, we ended up in his office.

“All right, men. What is this shit? Tell me why we’re here.”

I answered quickly. “Yeah, Ray HIT me with the paddle.”

Ray, eyes brimming with big ol’ crocodile tears, “Go ahead. BELIEVE HIM, Mr. Greeno!”

Little manipulator. God, what a little asshole. I wasn’t putting up with this shit.

I yanked my gym shorts up enough for Mr. Greeno to see the welt on my lower butt cheek. I didn’t want this to get weird, but fuck Ray. Sucker punching (paddling) little ho.

Yeah, and that was that. I felt vindication. Ray was shipped off to a Russian penal colony. Win-win.

Ok, that didn’t happen. He probably ran a few extra laps or had to sweep the gym. Greeno was fair if he was anything. At least I never saw him creeping on us while we were showering.

I used to worry SO MUCH about the whole showing thing. Mr. Greeno told us on Day 1 in no uncertain terms that we’d all be required to shower after each class. Non-negotiable.

What the fuck? This was uncharted territory for most of us 6th graders. Public nudity? Some of us didn’t even have hair on our balls. What would my dad say about this?

He laughed when I told him. He didn’t take my request to transfer schools seriously at all. He didn’t have my back on this in any way. That’s why he’s going into a 1-star old folks home, once we reach that stage. Non-negotiable.

This HAD to be illegal. Kids being naked together with a gym teacher somewhere in the general area? Sadly, it was the mid-80s. Evidently, there were no laws regarding this immoral bullshit.

We should have had a choice. If we wanted to just use a bunch of deodorant or even choose to stink in class, who cares? Some of us were NOT comfortable with this arrangement.

I observed a kid named Tyson becoming the first casualty of the new year in Phys Ed. After having to shower one of the first few days, we all hauled ass back to our lockers to at least throw our drawers on. A bigger kid named Dan Ashby walked into the locker room from the showers.

Tyson was likely tired. He seemed to be staring off into space until Dan walked right into that space. Tyson sadly didn’t immediately look away. Dan noticed this and had to publicly shame him for it.

“HEY! What you lookin’ at? What you wish you had?”

This was met with a loud round of laughter and snickering. Shit, we were all just glad we weren’t the ones getting called out by Naked Dan. Tyson became the victim, for at least that P.E. class. I felt for him but was relieved it wasn’t me that was targeted.

I was so paranoid after Tyson was targeted by Dan. Christ, what if we god-forbid got a hard-on in the middle of showering, or even a half-chub? When you’re a newly minted teenage boy, just about anything can set you off.

I was pretty certain I wasn’t gay. Daisy Duke in the early to mid-80s on the Dukes of Hazzard had me fairly convinced. Still, I was a bit paranoid about the worst that could happen. I’d have to catch a train and become a hobo if that shit happened.

Fortunately, it never did. The showering thing became less and less of a big deal the more we were forced to do it. It still always felt awkward and horrible, but we all dealt with it.

I remember wondering if the girls felt as shitty about it as most of us boys did. I can’t imagine they felt any less insecure than we did as early teenagers. I still don’t get the logic behind forcing kids to shower together in a group setting.

Well, the world kept spinning, I’m still alive, and our teachers didn’t have to smell B.O. during math and science classes. Win-win, huh? At least I was able to repay Ray back with a well-timed snap of my wet towel. Enjoy that welt on your ass, Ray-Ray. &:^)