Waves

It comes in waves. Big ones. Small ones. Choppy ones. But never the waves are smooth and calm like the ones that lap a lake’s edge. That rocks you gently as you gaze out onto the water. There has to be something disturbing the water, something creating those waves that change so often. Be it big or small, good or bad, the waters can never be calm and serene.

The big waves hurt the most. They throw you around and pummel you over and over. They’re violent. Unforgiving. Ruthless. Intense. Seemingly never ending.

The small ones are less painful, but they still hurt. They slowly toss you around and eventually make you feel sick. Even after you leave the waves, you still feel that sway of the waves.

The choppy ones never let you go straight or give you a smooth ride. At least with small waves you can gain some sense of direction. Choppy waves just want to throw you off.

But regardless of the size or type, they never leave you alone.They’re always there waiting to transform from one to another. Lapping at your mind’s edge. Waiting for the next one to hit. Waves of sadness. Waves of anger. Waves of love. Waves of passion. Waves of loneliness. Waves that seem to crash into each other and fight to reach the mind’s edge.

Those choppy waves are the everyday battles one’s mind fights. The waves of exhaustion, of irritation, of energy, of weakness. They change throughout the day- taking you in every direction. No telling how the day may end because they’re just so choppy.

The small waves are the waves of love, of passion, of excitement, of loneliness, of content. They leave more lasting impressions. They seem to last longer, more drawn out. They can overtake those choppy waves… in a good or a bad way. Sometimes you take what you can get just to find direction even if for a second. But it’s the big waves that consume all.

Those big waves always start small…All they take is one single, small instance to turn the tides. A single text. A single picture. A single sentence. A single act. A single word. A single sound. A single video. A single glance…. And then the waves come. Brutal. Vicious. Cruel. Passionate. Overwhelming. Agonizing. Excruciating.

I hate those cruel, brutal, intense, vicious waves. They really do hurt the most. They consume the mind and blind the eyes…They hurt those within the immediate vicinity. Words spewed in anger you can’t take back. Actions made in haste that aim to wound. Decisions made that cannot be undone.

The fallout from these waves are what truly hurt. Bridges have been burned. Hearts shattered. Demons released that cannot be reeled in. Tears spilled. The mind beaten and bruised. The body left shaking and reeling. Realizing that the waves took over and you couldn’t do anything to save yourself or anyone else. Then comes the wave of guilt. The wave of sadness. The wave of self hate. The waves that are just as big as the vicious ones. That continues to beat you and abuse you.

Eventually they subside, fading back into the small waves of pain and hurt. Switching back and forth with the choppy waves of everyday life. Never truly letting you recover from the trauma of the big waves. Never truly leaving your mind alone. Never truly letting the water become still and calm. Never letting you life a normal life. Never leaving alone. Never giving you a single break. A single moment of peace. Crashing into, every. Single. Waking. Second.