the final choice

Trigger warning, death and cancer

The day after I find out my blood pressure remains too high , I find out my mum has her second bout of cancer. This time in her chest as opposed to her leg. The previous was 7 years ago so its hard to tell if this is new or if its been having a look round my mum to choose a new spot.

Last time it was weeks of chemo, an operation and a large lump of leg removed. On top of learning to walk with a chunk of muscle missing , there was years of hospital checks. The initial few years were 3 monthly, then 6 monthly and were going to be yearly if this new one hadn't been found.

The question she has to answer now is whether to have treatment or not?

Its 7 years later and she is 7 years later, does she want to start again with the tests and hospital checks and some further physical restrictions. She has developed scoliosis since the last operation. She is also single and living alone since my step dad died roughly 15 years ago.

She has friends and family, she has 4 grandsons and 2 cats. She spends much of her time at home and lives in her own bubble. Its run at her own speed and to her own rules, it just about works in her own way.

So on balance , what would you do?

She is undecided what to do next. Unless anything shows up on the next mri test the cure this time is a simple operation and 24 hours in hospital. If the mri shows more cancer there is nothing they can do. Therefore if more is found then the decision isn't hers, if nothing is found its literally a life or death decision.

There hasn't been a time scale on how long she will have if she doesn't have the surgery but it will be terminal sooner rather then later. My brother and I will obviously support her decision. We would both opt for whatever cure is avaidible to us, as mum points out we are married and have people around us.

In many ways I understand her reluctance, she is approaching 80 while I am not far past 50. I don't like hospitals particularly , have spent what seems like days waiting for appointments. I have had mri checks done and although I don't mind them I wouldn't look forward to multiple yearly visits.

I don't know what mind set I would need to have to make this decision my self. I would possibly do the usual test I make for big decisions, make a list. Do a list of pros and cons and see which coloum wins. Of course I haven't made a life or death decision with this technique.

Not that I can think of a better way to do this. Similarly its not a decision to make quickly or by a mental coin toss. I would seek all professional help, would speak to family and friends. Only then would I want to decided what I think is the way to proceed.

Just to make it interesting I would also change my mind a few hundred times, probably as I would be trying to think of myself and would instead think of others first. Would it be the brave way or the cowardly way to decide to do nothing and let the disease finish me off.

If I was 80 and lived alone I would probably let natutre take me, as a married 50 something I would ask for help. I hope no one reading is put in this position, if you are what would you decide?