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The F’D Up Road To My Perfect Place

by Taryn Thomas 3 years ago in recovery
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Relapse, prevention, extermination, walking the road to recovery.

Walking the road to recovery. Photo credit @wordswagg

There are few things more terrifying than quitting something that you once felt connected to in any way. This might mean a relationship, a friendship, or even physical toxins that you expose your body to. If you are used to having something as a part of your life, it can be really hard to let it go even if you know that it is bad for you and is harming your body and soul.

Admitting it out loud and acknowledging it as something that needs to be fixed is the only way that you are ever going to convince yourself to get the help that you need. Most will tell you that the first step to getting yourself true help is to recognize that you really do have a problem. Then making the decision for you, and you only can you start moving forward.

As most of you know, I have run into some personal issues with substance abuse myself. For years, I let this govern my actions. I clung to things that I knew were not working for me even though it was obvious. Finally, I learned to let go and started kicking toxic things out of my life. While it was scary to start with, I can safely say that I am so much happier now that I did.

Many people grapple with their bad habits. This might be your diet or something more extreme like drug & alcohol addiction, but every single person has something that they know is bad for them and yet they do it anyway. I had a collection of these things throughout my lifetime thus far, and now I can comfortably say out loud that I have let a lot of them go. For me, it started with cocaine, which ultimately lead to using other drugs. Using any type of drug, as well as drinking alcohol is a nasty habit, and I had harbored the use of them for years. I’m not saying that I judge people who do drugs or drink alcohol now, but I’m sad for them. I realize that they are stuck in the same bad habit that I was for literal years, and drugs & alcohol can kill, and lead to a untimely death. Once you kick using drugs, you will need recovery time. It is hard work to kick a habit like that and your body goes through quite a process after the fact. I know still to this day that my body is recovering and will be always in recovery. Still, I am glad to say that quitting was one the best things that I ever did.

After I quit using cocaine and alcohol May 27, 2010, I remained clean and sober until June 2012, after a life altering medical emergency, that almost killed me. I went into a deep depression, and I started using drugs again. This time it was meth. I dabbled in the use of it for almost 7 years, seeking help many different times, through many different avenues. It wasn’t until I woke up one morning and said F all this stuff. I had decided I was officially done, and I completely removed myself from everyone and everything I had come to know during those nearly 7 years, and let me just say the meth world was somewhere I did not belong. I went places, and associated with people I wouldn’t have in a million years ever pictured myself. Now let me just be clear I’m not saying that all people on meth are bad, because I have met some of the most brilliant, kind hearted people while using it, that I remain friends with til this day. Though for me it is a world in which I did and do not belong, and was definitely a outsider in. I realized that life on drugs makes you stagnant, non motivated, unfriendly, numbs your emotions, and even can make you act erratically. My husband and I were constantly arguing, I was allowing myself to be used and verbally abused by my immediate family members, thinking that it was ok, and I was convinced it was the norm. Nonetheless I got sober again September 25th, 2019. I did it, for me, my husband, my puppies, and my future. Since my life has tremendously changed. After that other stuff didn’t seem that hard. When you shake off an addiction, you realize that other things aren’t quite as difficult to get rid of. This how I ended up passing on a variety of toxins that I had in my life. Basically, I realized that if I was going to go through the efforts of quitting one poison, I could easily quit and exterminate them all from my life. The things that I thought I needed to have are now behind me, and I feel happier and healthier because of it.

This is why rehab as a concept is so important. It allows people who have recognized that they are in too deep to work with professionals so that they can regain control of their life. People dealing with substance abuse or serious mental health issues, going into treatment or a rehabilitation clinic is a amazing way to get your life back together. It lets people get back on their feet and rebuild, which is what they need to beat their problems in the first place. People have this idea in their mind that rehab might not work for them, but it’s better to try than to just hope that you will figure things out on your own. I’m not going to say that you can’t possibly get sober or pull your life together from home, but there is a special kind of magic that comes with pulling yourself out of your life to get the help that you need. It means that you will be surrounded with the right kind of support network, you will have people helping you to take the correct steps to get better, and you will be somewhere completely safe. These environments are made to make people feel better, which is why they are presented as being the best way to go about it. There is nothing wrong with needing the help of medical professionals. It’s a responsible decision to make.

If you feel like you might be in too deep, or worse, that there isn’t any hope for you, there is. It’s not always easy to admit that you have completely lost control of your life, but once you do, you’re already on the path to getting better. Nothing is ever truly lost. You can always take new steps to get your life back under control, and rehab programs are a really great way to go about it. There is no shame in admitting that you need help. We all need help sometimes. Don’t be the person who loses their life, or takes the life of another because you didn’t want to reach out. Unfortunately when your in the thick of it, you don’t realize how deep your in until it’s to late and for some people, too late can mean death to themselves or another individual. For instances, if you hit someone with your vehicle while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, you’re going to prison. And at that point not only did you take yourself away from your family, but you took the life of a innocent person who most likely has a family and children that will miss them dearly. All because you were selfishly driving under the influence.

At the end of the day everyone has their own toxic relationships with certain things. It might be people. It might be caffeine. It might be drugs. Only you know your story, but only you have the power to change it. If you notice that you don’t feel good and you’re not happy, take my advice and try kicking some of the everyday poisons out of your life. You will not believe how good you feel after.

Lastly if you know someone struggling with drug and alcohol addiction, please, stop condemning people for falling into a bad way and instead start congratulating them when they take the very long real and difficult steps to get better. Going to rehab is a really good choice, and we should absolutely encourage people to get the help that they need.


About the author

Taryn Thomas

From the bedroom to the art room I create :) 1st Ever Dirtiest Girl in Porn Retired Adult Film Star on her journey through life.

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