The Adjustment Process

As of November 4th, 2022, I will be travelling back to Ohio to live back with my family. I will have the basement studio apartment and work on the paperwork to have my husband back with me.

I will not lie I am anxious to say the least to get back to where all my pain begun. Even though my personality everything about me is different. And the same darkness is dead in that house.

I have been very emotional, and craving a lot of food. My Mom thinks I might be pregnant. We aren't sure yet, but I am showing symptoms of being with child.

Can anyone relate to feeling lost? To feeling such nostalgia to foods and remembering so much.

Once my husband is here with me in our studio apartment the only thing we have to worry about paying is the sanitation bill. And I feel so much better not worrying so much.

I am nervous I don't know what it's like to really have a mom around me. I'm also nervous about what it's like to be a mom again. Everyone seems to think that I'm pregnant.

Lately, I've been craving so much food.

As I count down to go back to Medina, Ohio nervous about what to expect the only thing that has been helpful is trying hard to not stress out and let time process gingerly.

I had one miscarriage last year, and it nearly tore me up inside. If I am pregnant I only hope that I never have a still born, and my child survives the trimesters.

Now to write some of my cravings and might I say they are strange:

1: Bread and Butter Pickle Chips separate with a fudge Sunday: A Hot Fudge Sunday (vanilla non dairy ice cream and fudge)

2: Hot Dogs: A hot dog with chili sauce no beans, relish, white onions, ketchup, mustard, and mayo.

3: Sloppy Joes with Mayo topping: I know this is weird and not so weird at that.

4: A Veggie Sub from Subway: with Subway vinaigrette, Mayo, and Chipotle sauce.

I am coming home just in the time of Thanksgiving. It's not easy for me, I keep worrying about missing everything with my hubby's life. I feel somewhat guilty about it.

I could do both trips I had to choose been between Christmas, or hubby's birthday. I choose his bday because I vowed to never miss his birthday anymore.

With living in the studio apartment downstairs I have the opportunity to save up for the ultimate birthday celebration.

1: Booking a hotel for a week: One week at Tropical Paradise Mini Hotel in the same hotel room where we stayed for wedding and our honeymoon.

2: Booking a car: I want to rent a SUV car for one week.

For us to stay at the place where we got married and the start of our forever.

3: I want us to drive to the Beach: I want to have fun swimming at the beach. I want to have fun in general.

It's been so hard lately, adjusting to a new life. Best part I can't wait until my husband can join me in the US to know the opportunities I have. What it's like to find your own success.

With a lot of hard work anything is possible the constant working, and never being alone it's a great feeling.

I just got back into writing after almost three weeks of resting.

I didn't have my bipolar treatment and it through off my focus. It made me depressed because writing is my whole world. So gradually, I am coming back, into working.

In two weeks, I will be looking for a job hopefully a office entry level job.

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