The 3 Anxiety Busting Techniques That Helped Me Through 10 Years of Anxiety and Panic Attacks

"If the ocean can calm itself, so can you. We are both salt and water mixed with air." - Nayirah Waheed.

One of the biggest challenges when learning to manage any mental health issue, is wading through the seemingly never ending vortex of information in books and on the internet. It’s hard to determine what works, and what doesn't. It takes a lot of trial and error, and can vary from person to person. The process of working it out takes time, but understandably waiting can be very distressing when every day is starting to feel like an uphill struggle.

I'm writing this article today to share the main things I feel brought me the most relief during my rather extended anxious journey. They aren't complete cures, I still find myself having some better days and some more anxious days, I'm not perfect or completely healed. But thanks to these techniques I'm navigating the more difficult days as they come and managing much better than before. My anxiety is no longer my sworn enemy, but instead is something I'm beginning to understand give grace to.

So without any further ramblings from me here are my top three practical tips for managing anxiety and panic attacks. I really believe they would help anyone, at any point in their journey with anxiety, and I sincerely hope if you're reading this they can bring relief to you too.

1. Exposure Therapy

"The only way out, is through." - Robert Frost (Poet)

Somewhere in the haze of trying to figure this all out I came across this quote, and it became somewhat of a daily mantra for me. I repeated it to myself whilst doing things that took me out of my comfort zone, clinging to it sometimes. As though it were a cliff's edge I could fall off at any second.

It mirrors the essence of a technique called exposure therapy. A powerful form of anti-anxiety therapy centred around facing your fears. Whilst since learning more about trauma and the nervous system, I no longer believe exposure is a complete cure for anxiety disorders, I found it massively helpful for digging myself out of a deep rut. There were times my anxiety was too high to focus on anything more complicated than forcing myself literally step by step out of my house and getting back onto a functional level.

The most thorough resource I found on self-help based exposure therapy was Barry McDonagh’s “DARE”, I listened to the audiobook. When paired with the “DARE” app I found it the next best thing to exposure therapy itself with a liscensed therapist or counsellor. Having Barry’s reassuring voice in my headphones whilst tackling a challenging situation was totally worth the in-app subscription. It felt like a life raft stopping me from sinking in a sea of panic.

Another helpful audiobook I listened to which touched on exposure therapy was Jennifer Shannon’s “Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind”. Both offered new perspectives on how to handle panic and fear which changed the way I looked at my anxiety. I found the audiobooks much easier to focus on at the time because my concentration was poor when my anxiety was high, but if you prefer a physical book they both come in paperback too. I'll link any resources I reference at the very end of this article, so that you can easily find them if you want to give them a try.

2. Grounding

Pushing yourself through overwhelming and unexplainable sensations of fear is such a difficult thing to do every day. Looking back, I’m so proud of what I was able to overcome, and you should be too - no matter where you're at in your journey today. Anxiety is at it’s core an ancient survival mechanism, not something that indicates weakness, and definitely not something to be ashamed of. But if you’re tackling the daily challenge of pushing yourself through ordinary life whilst managing high anxiety, help is needed in the form of coping mechanisms. For me, grounding was an incredible one.

Many people use breathing exercises to calm an anxious mind. But these always scared me and heightened my anxiety further. I’d focus too hard on breathing slowly and deeply, and it would only make me feel dizzier and more dissociated. Then I’d get annoyed that I couldn’t do it properly and wonder why seemingly everyone except me got relief from just breathing.

This is when I found grounding. With grounding I could still my anxious mind and focus on what I was trying to do in that moment. It would distract my racing inner monologue just enough to give me some space to think clearly.

Give this simple grounding exercise a go next time you're out and about and see if you find it helpful:

Exercise: A Grounded Walk

1. Bring your attention to the awareness in your body, what are you focusing on? Maybe at the minute you're focusing on an anxious or unpleasant sensation. For me this was commonly dizziness, faintness or shallow breathing.
2. Slowly and gently, without force, shift your awareness to the sensations in the palms of your hands and soles of your feet (these areas in the body are some of the few places we don't really hold any tension).
3. For now, allow everything else to be, no matter how chaotic it may seem. I know at times this is easier said than done, and it will involve a little bt of trust in yourself and me, but I promise it will bring you relief.
4. Whilst allowing your body and anxious mind to do what it wants to do, you keep focusing on your palms and soles. How much pressure is beneath your feet? Feel the weight of your body being supported by the rubber in your shoes. Are you holding anything? Feel the pull of your shopping bag, or the gentle tug of your child's tiny hand.
5. Get curious. Pay attention to the shift of pressure from the heel to the toes as you walk. Focus on this and only this. One, two, one, two. One step at a time. Flow with the rythm of your steps.
6. Remember that even if rght now if feels like the only thing you can control, you are in complete control of this. Whatever is happening in your mind can happen as it may, but you are in control and able to get to your destination using these steps. You are anchored in to your hands and your feet, as they carry you wherever you need to go.
7. Continue this focus until it no longer feels necessary or you reach your destination, which ever comes first. If your mind naturally drifts that's okay, just bring your awareness back to those sensations when you realise it has drifted. You're strong, I love you, you've got this.

I can't tell you the amount of times I've used this technique to get out of the house. It allows for a gentle exposure to anxious symptoms, whilst providing a healthy level of distraction and focus that acts like a crutch when you're just learning to get around again and navigate the world. It's available at any time, and I found it so simple but so powerful. It brings me so much joy to share it with you.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu.

3. Talking

Sometimes the best remedy can be sitting with a close friend or family member, having a warm cup of tea, and getting some perspective. It's really difficult when you're up against your own inner alarm system of racing thoughts, to slow down and separate what's a genuine worry, and what isn't. I found that sitting with someone less anxious than me helped me see through the fog, laugh again, get out of my own head, and get some much needed perspective on what I was thinking.

Hearing someone else's much simpler thought process felt like a breath of fresh air, bringing me gently back into reality. Seeing that not everyone thought the way I did made worries and fears seem a little less serious. Even if just for half an hour, I could see that the things that seemed so huge to me in that moment, were really just my anxious mind going into overdrive trying to protect me.

We are social animals at heart, don't underestimate the power of being held space for by someone who loves and cares for you. More people can relate to what you're going through right now than you might think. When there are other voices in the room, that niggling, racing, anxious mind can seem just that little bit quieter.

(Remember, if you desperately need someone to speak to and nobody that you know is available, there are services that are there to help. In the UK we have the Samaritans. I would call them at times in the early morning when I was particularly struggling and no one was awake to answer the phone. Speaking to a stranger can feel a little odd, but they were so compassionate and comforting.)

As always thank you so much for reading this and sharing a little part of your day with me. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it helped. Please feel free to share it around if you think it could be of value to someone else. I am endlessly grateful for your support,

Eternal love,

Rebekah x

Resources

Barry McDonagh's "DARE" (Available in audiobook or paperback form)

"DARE" Instagram

"Dare" YouTube Channel

Jennifer Shannon's "Don't Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear and Worry" (Available in audiobook or paperback form)

The Samaritans Website

Call the Samaritans (UK) 24hrs a day on 116 123