trauma

At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.

What Are You Feeling Now?
Dahab, Egypt on the Sinai Peninsula was such an incredible place. Absolutely charged and vibrating with the energy of history, war, and a spirit of rebuilding and reclamation. I was fortunate enough to spend a week there in my early 20’s as a part of a backpacking trip I did throughout all of Egypt and the Sinai peninsula. I had heard from other travelers and read online that Dahab was home to some of the most unbelievable scuba diving in the world, in the Red Sea, and while I had never done it, and honestly didn’t particularly have any desire to, it was just one of those things you had to do in a place like this. I had booked tours out of Dahab to Petra in Jordan, Mt. Sinai, and snorkeling at the famous Blue Hole. It was the furthest away from home I had ever been and at many points during the trip due to proximity to cell phone towers, my phone would get SMS texts saying “Welcome to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia,” something I never thought in my life I would see. For me, this entire area of the world is enchanting. Of course there are intense political and humanitarian tensions and I recognize that my enchantment comes from a place of not having lived that first hand experience, but growing up a Baptist Christian, it was the setting for so much myth and religious folklore. I remember feeling breathless at the sight of the Red Sea for the first time, saying in my head, “This is the sea Moses parted!” I had left behind any religious attachment many years prior, but the storytelling and worldwide knowledge of this site charges it to magical levels. Nearing the end of my stay, the hostel I was staying at had a group of natives from Dahab that were very adamant that I scuba dive. I told them many times that I had never done it and that I was a bit anxious about it, but they assured me it would be fine. They were all certified professional divers and had created their own method of clipping novice scuba divers onto this metal arm mechanism in which a pro diver would guide the novices around, sort of like a manual theme park ride. They took me through a brief training, solely dedicated to the breathing aspect of the scuba mask, how to clear water from the goggles and how to speak to the instructor via hand signals. They didn’t bother with any details of how to ascend and descend because due to the metal arm mechanism, all movement would be controlled and facilitated by the pro diver. All I had to do was deep breathe and enjoy. The feeling of breathing through a scuba mask is intense. It’s incredibly labored and there is no possibility of taking quick anxious breaths or else you essentially lose the control of the flow of oxygen from the tank. I remember beginning to breathe underwater and my mind feeling very uneasy about it. That quickly faded once I got the breathing pattern and my body relaxed into the slow inhale……exhale……The instructor asked if I was ready and I signaled with a thumbs up and we began to descend. We eventually reached as deep as we were going, 30 feet underwater. I had never been underwater this deep. The pressure was very heavy, but as I looked around, my mind was absolutely blown. Electric colors coming from coral and fish, looking down into depths deeper than my eyes could see, and looking up to see the pin prick of light that was the sun. It was unbelievable, straight out of a nature documentary. The instructor was guiding me around and I was focused on keeping my breathing in check, but as we wrapped around the corner of this section of coral, I noticed a bit of water leaking into my mask. At first it was only a bit, but I figured we’d be down here for some time longer and it would probably be in my best interest to clear my mask of water. I signaled to the instructor that I wanted to stop for a second to clear my mask and as I went to clear it, he reached for the mask to help me hold it. In that moment, my hand slipped and the mask popped off, letting the saltiest water flood into my open eyes. It burned badly and my bodies instant reaction was to gasp and quickly exhale. That exhale shot the mouthpiece out of my mouth and there I was 30 feet underwater, no goggles and unable to see with no ability to breathe. Had I not been panicking, I likely could’ve sorted out how to get the goggles back on and the mouthpiece back in, but I was already anxious from the dive and my body was unable to hold breathe any longer. My bodies automatic and survival responses kicked in and I took a huge breathe. I swallowed so much water and began to choke, making me gasp for air again, swallowing more water. My lungs were completely full of water and my panic was full fledged. I was frantically searching for the emergency inflation on my vest, simultaneously thinking that if I hit it, it was highly possible that I would get decompression sickness. I found the rip cord and pulled it because it was either I drown and die in this completely foreign country or I potentially get decompression sickness which had no guarantee of being fatal. I remember looking up as I ascended, dragging the instructor along with me, seeing the pin prick of sun grow larger. I was about halfway there when I heard my mind say “Close your eyes. This is it.” And truthfully, in that moment, my soul made peace with death. I called for my mother, who died when I was in college, asking for her guidance. I forgave anyone who had wronged me and apologized for anyone I had wronged. I thanked the earth for it’s gifts and for the first time in probably 15 years, prayed, to whoever was listening to safely guide me to the other side. I had thought quite a bit over the course of my life what my death would be like. I always wished it would be painless and without fear, peaceful and sure that I had lived a life to be proud of. I had never once thought it would be a scuba diving accident in the Red Sea, but truthfully I was not mad about that because this place was truly the most magical place I had ever been. What felt like 30 minutes was about 30 seconds and I woke up some moments later on the beach with the instructor giving me CPR as I began to vomit up sea water and foam. I remember looking at my hands to my shock seeing that they were a bluish gray color, clearly from the lack of oxygen. I continued to spit up water and was finally able to take a full breath. It was crackly and rough, realizing in that moment I still had quite a bit of water in my lungs. The instructor effortlessly picked me up and placed me in the bed of a pickup truck. I had no idea where they were taking me and not enough energy or care to inquire. Each bump the truck hit on the road, I felt the sea water in my lungs sloshing around in my chest. I was stretched out in the bed of this truck, staring at the blue sky that stretched on forever. I wasn’t sure if I was alive or dead and I felt so tired. I told the instructor sitting in the back of the truck with me that I was just going to shut my eyes and sleep for a second, to which he gently slapped my face and my legs, telling me that if I fell asleep, I would die. The sea water would dry out and crystallize in my lungs and I would likely choke on my own blood. He kept saying “Don’t listen to your mind. Do not fall asleep.” I fought to stay awake as the truck slammed on its breaks and a group of Egyptian men carried me into this bright white building. I said out loud “Is this heaven?” and the instructor quickly replied “You’re at the doctor.” The rest of the day was a blur, remembering bits and pieces of them flushing my lungs and eventually having me drink fresh guava juice to give me some energy to return back to my hotel room. They were so incredibly kind, so caring, and completely saved my life, which I thought had already been lost.
By CTB4 years ago in Psyche
India's Youngest Psychokiller - Amarjeet Sada
Psychopathy is A trait that researchers are researching even today. If we see the book's definition of it then it is a trait that makes a person very insensitive, unemotional, and morally depraved. A psychopath has feelings toward anything. Not even for humans. This is why they don't think before doing anything or taking any action. Even if it is something serious like murder. Psychopaths become so out of touch with reality that they don't even realize that what they're doing is a crime. It's an offence, he's hurting someone. Just like this, during medical treatment, a psychologist showed her patient the picture of a scared person, just to see how he reacts. He says, "I don't know about this emotion but when I kill a person, stab them than before dying, they look like this." And just like this, there's a similar crazy story of Amarjeet Sada. But the most surprising element of this story is that the murderer in this story is an 8-year-old child who has done not 1, not 2, but 3 murders! And the age of all the victims was less than 6 years. In the District Begusarai in Bihar, there's a small village named 'Mushahari'. The speciality of this village is that there are a lot of children in this village, who play and study together. The people of this village do manual labour and try to make a living. Many people drop their children off at school, and then go to pick them up in the evening after finishing their work. Something similar happens with Chunchun Devi and her daughter Khushboo of 6 months. Chunchun Devi used to drop off her daughter at school every morning and then pick her up in the evening. But one day, when Chunchun Devi went to pick up her daughter, Khushboo couldn't be seen anywhere. She's a mother, so she would be concerned, right? Now when such a small daughter gets lost somewhere, then you can understand how a mother must be feeling. She becomes worried and becomes crazy. She starts asking everyone, 'Have you seen my daughter? Have you seen Khushboo? But, no one has seen her. After some time, a member of the Sada family comes to her and tells her that maybe they know where Khushboo is. Now, both of them go to the Police Station and report this disappearance. Now, because this was the case of a small girl, the police became very active. And during the investigation, they realize that similar incidents have happened before. Not once, but twice. Meaning, that two girls are already missing from the village. When more interrogation is done, then they get to know that both these girls were members of the Sada family. Slowly the villagers get to know that not 1, not 2, but 3 girls are missing from the village. And the whole village falls into chaos. Now, the member of the Sada family who is helping the police takes them to a playground where the police meet the 8-year-old kid Amarjeet Sada for the first time. Do they ask the kid if he has seen Khushboo? But the child doesn't say anything, just smiles.
By Kushal Sharma4 years ago in Psyche
Shocking Facts On Abuse Against Men
In today's culture, awareness is spreading. There are many cultural issues that were swept under the rug for decades, and starting with my generation, we are yanking the cover off them. LBGT rights and awareness, mental illness, global warming, and of course, abuse.
By Hope Martin4 years ago in Psyche
This is How It Feels Living With Bipolar II Disorder
I was 28 years old when I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. Having been experiencing poor attention and motivation skills, I determined that I obviously had a case of undiagnosed ADHD. Therefore, I scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist in the hopes of being prescribed a stimulant.
By Kelsea4 years ago in Psyche
Surviving Evil
This is my story on abuse I am writing this story because I want abuse to end. I am victim of abuse myself my green light was that I was able to get out and my abuser didn't stop me and I also got the help that I needed from a women's abuse center. I honestly can say it's really not a place that women should be in and if you can get out of that situation get out as soon as possible, I know some women can't leave their abuser because they love them or they are too scared or they have a child or children with the abuser. Women are never heard some people think it's the woman's fault on why she's getting abused, but it's not the abuser takes advantage and manipulates his way for people to think it was her fault why she got abused and usually the abuser isolates, manipulates, tries to control everything, takes advantage of everything the woman does. Abuse is so sickening and it's very wrong but women get abused every day. Most abusers act insecure to cover up the truth, in fact they are always bullies. The one thing they all have in common is that their motive is to have power of their victim this is because they don't feel that they have personal power, regardless of their success. To them communication is a win-lose game. Abuse happens within heterosexual relationships and in the same-sex partnerships, it occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more victimized, men also experience abuse especially verbal and emotional. The bottom line is that abusive behaviour is never acceptable, whether from a man, woman, teenager, or an older adult. There are many signs of abusive relationship, and a fear your partner is the most telling. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them - constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow up - chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs include a partner who belittles you, tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation. Physical abuse occurs when physical force is used against you in a way that injures or endangers you. Abusive behavior is a choice despite what people believe, domestic violence and abuse does not take place because of an abuser loses control over their behavior. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice to gain control. Perpetrators use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power, including: Dominance, Humiliation, Isolation, Threats, Intimidation, Denial and Blame. Abusers use a cycle in violence and domestic abuse which includes: Abuse, Guilt, "Normal" Behavior, Fantasy and Planning, Set-Ups. Recognizing the warning signs of abuse; It's impossible to know with certainly what goes on behind close doors, but there are some telltale signs of emotional abuse and domestic violence. If you witness these warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member or co-worker take them very seriously. People who are being abused may: 1. Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner, 2. Go along with what he or she says, 3. Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they are doing, 4. Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner, 5. Talk about their partner's temper, jealously, or possessiveness. Warning signs of physical abuse: have frequent injuries, with the excuse of "accidents", frequently missed work, school or social/special occasions without explanation, dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars, abuse can hurt in so many ways.
By May🌸4 years ago in Psyche
Expedited Extreme Reincarnation Package
This past spring, I had a vivid dream about reincarnation. It happened shortly after I organized a memorial for one of my oldest friends, who died by suicide.
By Laura Gentle4 years ago in Psyche
7 Ways To Know You Are Born Into A Toxic Family
All of my life all I wanted is to be free from my toxic family. Though they wouldn't call it being toxic. I remember a time when I called my Mom evil. She posts on Facebook, "My daughter called me Evil."
By Emily Curry (Rising Phoenix)4 years ago in Psyche
The Sound of a Dream
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. Of course “they” say lots of things. They always have and they always will. It’s not that they don’t have good intentions, but how could they possibly know everything? Even if everyone was truly in touch with each other and all the answers were presented wrapped in a bow, the party would still be a bust. And “nobody” is a big word when referencing something as vast as space. Even though we have sent probes deep into its expanse, although we’ve stared through telescopes into the stars and recorded astonishing sights, and though we build massive satellites to receive messages - we just don’t hear. If they tried, without fear of failure and threw all their might and will at the puzzle, they couldn’t hope to understand it. This puzzle was complex, big, ever changing, never ending, and it was beyond our reach. Some things are and we just can’t get all the way there on our own. It’s too far and too overwhelming. For most, it’s just too hard to try.
By Jason Moore4 years ago in Psyche
Why Then Do We Scream?
Nobody can hear a scream in the vacuum of space, or so they say. But you can feel it... That cold pit in your chest as all the blood races to your extremities, preparing you for a fight. That shiver that radiates from your spine and raises goosebumps everywhere it touches.
By Hank Ryder4 years ago in Psyche
Am I Being Abused?
How do you tell if you're being emotionally abused? A lot of people who have never been abused get confused. After all, how does a person not know they are being abused? Well, that's the fun part of emotional and mental abuse and abusive individuals. Generally abusive relationships never start out abusive.
By Hope Martin4 years ago in Psyche
Dark Feelings
Numb to the pain you look to the bright side, engulfed with jealousy when darkness laughs and you can't hide. People try to help while they are part of the cause, but the mind takes over as you forget to pause. Mental Illness is not fun and games, triggers can't be controlled but may be contained. Turn it off so no one can hear, the yelling from loved ones, that's in your ears. Emotions cause problems so throw them away, Let logic and pleasure be your guiding way. Noises of joy and love at your expense don't make you sick but damage your pathway. You think you want what others have, but maybe it's something you believe you will never have.
By The Kind Quill4 years ago in Psyche
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THE UNITED STATES
Domestic violence and abuse in the United States has affected people throughout its history and is a factor in many families’ lives today, affecting the victims both physically and psychologically. The victims and perpetrators of domestic violence can be male or female, heterosexual or homosexual, young or old. Though, the majority of cases are still the male as the perpetrator and the female as the victim. This type of violence can be found in different religious, racial, and ethnic groups and different socioeconomic and class backgrounds. The victims and perpetrators of domestic violence can be your mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, best friend or even you, it does not discriminate. It is a storm that destroys lives and tears apart relationships and families within.
By Sherrie D. Larch4 years ago in Psyche