What Are You Feeling Now?
Dahab, Egypt on the Sinai Peninsula was such an incredible place. Absolutely charged and vibrating with the energy of history, war, and a spirit of rebuilding and reclamation. I was fortunate enough to spend a week there in my early 20’s as a part of a backpacking trip I did throughout all of Egypt and the Sinai peninsula. I had heard from other travelers and read online that Dahab was home to some of the most unbelievable scuba diving in the world, in the Red Sea, and while I had never done it, and honestly didn’t particularly have any desire to, it was just one of those things you had to do in a place like this. I had booked tours out of Dahab to Petra in Jordan, Mt. Sinai, and snorkeling at the famous Blue Hole. It was the furthest away from home I had ever been and at many points during the trip due to proximity to cell phone towers, my phone would get SMS texts saying “Welcome to the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia,” something I never thought in my life I would see. For me, this entire area of the world is enchanting. Of course there are intense political and humanitarian tensions and I recognize that my enchantment comes from a place of not having lived that first hand experience, but growing up a Baptist Christian, it was the setting for so much myth and religious folklore. I remember feeling breathless at the sight of the Red Sea for the first time, saying in my head, “This is the sea Moses parted!” I had left behind any religious attachment many years prior, but the storytelling and worldwide knowledge of this site charges it to magical levels. Nearing the end of my stay, the hostel I was staying at had a group of natives from Dahab that were very adamant that I scuba dive. I told them many times that I had never done it and that I was a bit anxious about it, but they assured me it would be fine. They were all certified professional divers and had created their own method of clipping novice scuba divers onto this metal arm mechanism in which a pro diver would guide the novices around, sort of like a manual theme park ride. They took me through a brief training, solely dedicated to the breathing aspect of the scuba mask, how to clear water from the goggles and how to speak to the instructor via hand signals. They didn’t bother with any details of how to ascend and descend because due to the metal arm mechanism, all movement would be controlled and facilitated by the pro diver. All I had to do was deep breathe and enjoy. The feeling of breathing through a scuba mask is intense. It’s incredibly labored and there is no possibility of taking quick anxious breaths or else you essentially lose the control of the flow of oxygen from the tank. I remember beginning to breathe underwater and my mind feeling very uneasy about it. That quickly faded once I got the breathing pattern and my body relaxed into the slow inhale……exhale……The instructor asked if I was ready and I signaled with a thumbs up and we began to descend. We eventually reached as deep as we were going, 30 feet underwater. I had never been underwater this deep. The pressure was very heavy, but as I looked around, my mind was absolutely blown. Electric colors coming from coral and fish, looking down into depths deeper than my eyes could see, and looking up to see the pin prick of light that was the sun. It was unbelievable, straight out of a nature documentary. The instructor was guiding me around and I was focused on keeping my breathing in check, but as we wrapped around the corner of this section of coral, I noticed a bit of water leaking into my mask. At first it was only a bit, but I figured we’d be down here for some time longer and it would probably be in my best interest to clear my mask of water. I signaled to the instructor that I wanted to stop for a second to clear my mask and as I went to clear it, he reached for the mask to help me hold it. In that moment, my hand slipped and the mask popped off, letting the saltiest water flood into my open eyes. It burned badly and my bodies instant reaction was to gasp and quickly exhale. That exhale shot the mouthpiece out of my mouth and there I was 30 feet underwater, no goggles and unable to see with no ability to breathe. Had I not been panicking, I likely could’ve sorted out how to get the goggles back on and the mouthpiece back in, but I was already anxious from the dive and my body was unable to hold breathe any longer. My bodies automatic and survival responses kicked in and I took a huge breathe. I swallowed so much water and began to choke, making me gasp for air again, swallowing more water. My lungs were completely full of water and my panic was full fledged. I was frantically searching for the emergency inflation on my vest, simultaneously thinking that if I hit it, it was highly possible that I would get decompression sickness. I found the rip cord and pulled it because it was either I drown and die in this completely foreign country or I potentially get decompression sickness which had no guarantee of being fatal. I remember looking up as I ascended, dragging the instructor along with me, seeing the pin prick of sun grow larger. I was about halfway there when I heard my mind say “Close your eyes. This is it.” And truthfully, in that moment, my soul made peace with death. I called for my mother, who died when I was in college, asking for her guidance. I forgave anyone who had wronged me and apologized for anyone I had wronged. I thanked the earth for it’s gifts and for the first time in probably 15 years, prayed, to whoever was listening to safely guide me to the other side. I had thought quite a bit over the course of my life what my death would be like. I always wished it would be painless and without fear, peaceful and sure that I had lived a life to be proud of. I had never once thought it would be a scuba diving accident in the Red Sea, but truthfully I was not mad about that because this place was truly the most magical place I had ever been. What felt like 30 minutes was about 30 seconds and I woke up some moments later on the beach with the instructor giving me CPR as I began to vomit up sea water and foam. I remember looking at my hands to my shock seeing that they were a bluish gray color, clearly from the lack of oxygen. I continued to spit up water and was finally able to take a full breath. It was crackly and rough, realizing in that moment I still had quite a bit of water in my lungs. The instructor effortlessly picked me up and placed me in the bed of a pickup truck. I had no idea where they were taking me and not enough energy or care to inquire. Each bump the truck hit on the road, I felt the sea water in my lungs sloshing around in my chest. I was stretched out in the bed of this truck, staring at the blue sky that stretched on forever. I wasn’t sure if I was alive or dead and I felt so tired. I told the instructor sitting in the back of the truck with me that I was just going to shut my eyes and sleep for a second, to which he gently slapped my face and my legs, telling me that if I fell asleep, I would die. The sea water would dry out and crystallize in my lungs and I would likely choke on my own blood. He kept saying “Don’t listen to your mind. Do not fall asleep.” I fought to stay awake as the truck slammed on its breaks and a group of Egyptian men carried me into this bright white building. I said out loud “Is this heaven?” and the instructor quickly replied “You’re at the doctor.” The rest of the day was a blur, remembering bits and pieces of them flushing my lungs and eventually having me drink fresh guava juice to give me some energy to return back to my hotel room. They were so incredibly kind, so caring, and completely saved my life, which I thought had already been lost.
