Still not on drugs

I’m waking up.

This story is seeing some light of the day.

— But I’m inside, it doesn’t see it all.

— It doesn’t see it all, it’s not published.

— I just woke up, give me time.

— You do realize that before you fell asleep you had a random conversation just like this one but couldn’t put it in here because it would have taken you too much time to fall asleep.

— There are very good messages in this story, but very little people will find them.

— Very little people will get to this point too.

— Very little will read till the end.

— But now, you have other things to do.

— Writing is important, but there’s more important things to do.

— Take a shower.

— Brush your teeth but eat first.

— Clean your room.

— Like yesterday, but better.

— Not necessarily in this order but do it now.

And I went to do all those things.

— Eat peach and croissant.

— Croissant is a French thing.

— You’re a French thing.

— French speaking thing.

— French things come from France.

— I don’t come from France.

— Then brush teeth and hair.

— So many hairs, only one kind to brush.

— Many heirs too, I won’t get the throne.

— I can get on the throne.

— But can I have it?

— Time for a wash.

— There’s no towels.

— Time to wash the towels.

— In the meantime, cleaning my room.

— Clean and wash means the same thing, but it would be weird to wash your room.

— With a power cleaner.

— That would be intense.

— But seriously, clean your room don’t write.

— Or read.

Cleaning.

— It’s hard, so messy.

— My heart burns.

— I’m tired.

— I should clean more, but it’s too much.

— I didn’t even wash.

— Myself.

— My clothes.

— I’m going to change my clothe and wash myself later.

— Don’t forget.

— You always forget.

— You need to wash.

— You need to clean.

— But for now, just change yourself. It’s better.

— No time for anything else.

— This is exactly the kind of ring I want for my wedding.

— Someone engaging you with this? Are you sure?

— It’s a bit lame.

— Maybe, but it’s meaning full. They made it themself, so it’s worth way more than a diamond ring.

— I don’t like diamonds. They are worthless rocks.

— Not for everyone.

— The only thing special is that it’s shiny.

— You forgot to dress up.

— You should say more what you do.

— No one will understand.

— They don’t have to, it’s random. If they do, it’s awesome and their truly intelligent.

— If they don’t, well, they’re just normal.

— Clothes and go down. Now!

— All right, I go.

Change for the activity.

— This is my day-to-day thing.

— Almost 24 hours, not day to day. Only one day.

Going to the party.

— It’s not a party.

— What is it then?

— A celebration for the beginning of the school year.

— I’m scared.

— The school year is starting.

— I’m studying far.

— What if I do the same as last year?

— I don’t want to get hurt.

— You didn’t take a shower.

— Will I do a day-to-day thing?

— Will I publish one every day, or just once in a while?

— They might think I’m dead. I haven’t posted in a while.

— Not here. Stories are closer in time.

— But over there.

— What if I fail?

— Failing is not bad, you can go on with a failure.

— Not if it’s a deadly failure.

— I don’t....

— And I do...

— Want to die.

— I’m scared.

— What if it’s all over?

— We’re all over.

— All over the place.

— We’re too quiet for that.

— My life is as random as this story.

— A self-aware story.

— Being aware that we’re a story.

— And that we’re random.

— But our random has a link.

— A thread of thought that no one else sees.

— How can you say that no one else sees it if no one else look at it, they might just ignore it.

— Or don’t care about it.

— I’m bored again.

— I should do stuff, but I don’t know what.

— I’m playing.

— I want a house.

— A house would be nice.

— Both in game and in real life.

Playing games.

— You could use a complete sentence.

— Don’t want to.

— Almost 24 hours.

— Already 24 hours?

— I don’t know, when did we start?

— It would be easy to find out.

— But I don’t want to.

— Too boring.

— And useless.

— So tired.

— We should go to sleep.

— We should.

— We go.

— Sleepy, sleepy paradise.

— You should make complete sentence when you write in actions.

— We’ve already passed that, it was time to sleep.

— You know, always, before sleep we always say stuff that could go here, but we can’t put it here when we try to sleep.

— You think that this could be proof for what we DID?

— What did we do? Nothing. No worries.

— It feels like a crime sometimes.

— What?

— Life.

— Living seems like a crime.

— But killing is a crime.

— Except in self-defence.

— Killing yourself in self-defence would be dumb.

— By accident too.

— Anything done by accident is dumb.

— Except children.

— It wasn’t an accident, it’s more of a known consequence of a said action.

— What about...

— In that case it’s a crime, not an accident. A stupid crime. Rarely punished, but still a crime.

— Sometimes people are punished for a crime they didn’t commit.

— Who’s dumb in that case?

— The fake victim.

— The judges that let themself be tricked?

— The ones who gathered the proofs.

— That’s more like it, but the fake victim is dumb too.

— You know, you’re still not asleep.

— Or trying.

— You didn’t even finish everything you had to do.

— You didn’t wash.

— A shower is important.

— You should take one more often.

— But not too often.

— You don’t take enough showers to bring too many showers in the conversation.

— Just go to sleep.

— Everyone!

— Okay.

— I’ll write on the schedule.

— Now!

— I’m stopping the writing for the day.

— Good!

I slept and dreamt.

— I dreamt that I had a child. A little baby girl. And I went crazy.

— Killing people for no apparent reason.

— In the end, it was told that it was a postpartum psychosis.

— I didn’t understand why I did that, it made no logical sense.

— But it felt like the baby was in danger.

— And I had to protect her from all those threats.

— I even accepted a weird pact with my mother.

— It’s weird how in dreams we can have a different religion or family.

— And we don’t realise it’s different.

— It’s our dream normal.

— But, even if I can’t control anything in a dream, I still try to justify it.

— There’s nothing to justify, if you can’t control it.

— If someone scared me, and I punched him out of reflex and the person died...

— Would it be considered self-defence?

— If something is out of your control, shouldn’t it be considered an accident rather than self-defence?

— If a car swerves out of its lane and you swerve out of yours out of reflex and caused another accident because if it, is it really your fault?

— Those question should be asked to a lawyer.

— I never met a lawyer, I never needed one. I’m not really crime prawn.

— If I were, no one would catch me.

— I’m too paranoid to leave any traces.

— If it was poison, and people suspected me and tested me by giving me the poisoned food, I would eat it.

— You would eat any food you were giving anyway.

— Poisoned or not.

— Might be the reason I died.

— You know, when I was 17, I couldn’t see past my 27th birthday, now I still cannot see past my 27th birthday.

— Will we die before that?

— We never know.

— You didn’t shower.

— I don’t want to anymore.

— I want to eat.

— I will go eat.

I dropped my pen, and just like that, three days pasted.

— How?

— I know there was cleaning involve, I fled away.

— There was getting ready involved, I cleaned our stuff.

— There was leaving involved, I prepared our things.

— Together, we took care of everything.

— You just lost track of time.

— It’s like losing consciousness, but you know something was done.

I looked away.

— How much time has passed now?

— I don’t know.

— Days, weeks, months?

— Not hours, that’s for sure.

— Should we continue even with all the time we lose?

— When we look away, we’re not there anymore.

— But we’re always there.

— In our thoughts or in our mind?

— In both.

I took a breath.

— I talked to my brother about this story.

— The youngest brother.

— He loves it.

— But does he really understand it?

— It seems like he does.

— It makes no sense though.

— It does for me, it does for him.

— I’m planning to post this today.

— As soon as I’m satisfied with the ending.

— You’ll be satisfied only if it’s your own end.

— Because you’ll continue thinking as long as you live.

— If someone steel this story, it would be easy to say it’s mine and prove it.

— “This story is about my thoughts, a psychologist could easily examine both of us and tell you which one really wrote it. Just to be sure, you could ask for three, one is too easy to bribe. Not that I would be able to bribe anyone.”

— That’s what you would say to the judge.

— That’s what I would like to say. I’m not that good to say my words out loud.

— I always wanted to be profiled by a criminologist or something.

— But not enough to commit crimes.

— I hope you won’t finish this story on a crimes...

— I don’t do crimes.

— You never did, you never will.

— I don’t think I ever will.

— Don’t do crimes.

— Don’t do drugs.

— My brother didn’t understand everything I write.

— I prefer it that way.

— He knows that I’m writing about him.

— And he doesn’t like it.

— If we put song lyrics in a story what would happen?

— It depends on the story.

— Didn’t you say you wanted to finish this story in order to publish it.

— If I’m satisfied!!!

— We’re not satisfied.

— I’m not, and they’re not.

— But we never will.

— We just need to put a partial end to write a part two.

— Then three.

— Maybe up to 10.

— Or more.

— Or less.

— So, the end?

— For now...

To be continued!

Probably...