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Selfdoubt and the Future

The world and the few chances of success

By SwaggyMelonePublished about a year ago 3 min read
Selfdoubt and the Future
Photo by Brendan Church on Unsplash

So, this is going to be a strange little journal for me to write. First of all I would like to say thank you for clicking on this in the first place, it really means a lot. Now secondly some context for the title and everything. Lately I've been feeling awkward like never before. Why? Well I would say that things have gone a little too good in my life for a good year now and I'm afraid that these happy times will soon come to an end. Is having doubt about ones own happiness reasonable or is it just a delusion made up by the subconcious and it's integral anxiety of the future?

Whatever the case I truly admire people that do not care or think too much about the future, because as someone who does the complete opposite I can not stop thinking about all the possible outcomes. How some of them will undoubtedly be of bad nature and the way how they are inevitable. Be it the loss of loved ones, or perhaps even own misfortune and the risks of possible careers.

Focusing now on the latter part and my own little dilemma so to say. There are a lot of things that would interest me job wise. For one there is of course earning a living through writing, though I am fully aware that this is the most unrealistic thing to happen to me. Then on the other hand we have studying architecture, with the downside of me not knowing if I have the required skill or intelligence quite frankly to do this job. Lastly there is this now option that just recently came to my attention. A bit of context again, I live in austria where men have to do a basic military service with a length of six months. I never thought of working in this branche before, but now that I've entered a stage in which me and my colleagues are specializing in our individual fields I'm not so certain anymore.

All of the aforementioned options pay rather well and are of course super captivating, yet the only one with a safe future (where no boss or company could fire me because of economically bad times) is the military. So from a logical standpoint I should work there right? But all of my friends are studying in uni, nobody knows if Russia isn't going to attack more than just Ukraine and again, the chances of becoming an established writer are extremely slim. Naturally I will continue writing no matter what happens, but if the possibility appears it would of course be a dream come true.

What I am trying to say or better even to ask is, what should I do? Is there even a right option and will/can that bring me peace for the rest of my future? Are there other things to focus on in life other than a career and family? Is it also normal to feel alone even though I'm surrounded with people? And perhaps my most important question, is it normal not to feel happiness when everything is ok in my life? Is this me being unthankful for things or just a numbness to the sensation that I haven't felt for a very long time?

If I may request something from the comments section, let me know what you think. Since I'm only 20 years old I would like to hear from other peoples experiences concerning jobs and maybe even your views on the future. Also thank you for reading through, well, basically my current personal problems haha, I hope it was at least a bit thought provoking and entertaining.


About the Creator


Hi my name's Roman🍉

fantasy and scifi lover | cosplayer | photographer | and now writer :D

happy to meet all of you

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

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  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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Comments (1)

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  • Mike Singleton - Mikeydredabout a year ago

    We all feel like this at times, keep on keeping on, enjoy the good , and if you need help feel free to ask. Thank you for sharing this , I have written a few pieces like this under the Confessions community. 👍

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