Seijaku

These days nothing feels the same. The world has changed and yet, simultaneously I can’t imagine it any other way. It is as though I was able to predict how things would turn out and couldn’t do enough to fight again, the tide of time. To me it is as a wave, and as you may know if you’re fortunate enough to possess a background in science it must be, as everything, a wave.

As time marches along inextricably, so then shall we. One cannot simply lay down and give up unless you intend to die. I believe that sentiment is more apparent now than ever before. For the last 3 years the world has moved forward attempting to buck the changing tides of time. Yet the waves that have resulted are not so apparent that it can be seen easily. Humanity is stubborn that way.

We cling to the familiar, because experience can be frightening, or frustrating, or even outright depressing. There are movements in art that describe “the times” if you will, so perfectly. So then what movement describes right now? Who are we as a people? Where are we going as a society? What is in store for the world? I believe these are the questions that everyone is avoiding. I don’t think anyone is really prepared to answer them.

I for one know very well that as curious as I am sometimes I don’t want to answer them myself. It can be a frightening thing, knowledge. To possess a comprehension of all things so intrinsically that you are able to be completely at peace is a confounding thing. It is both parts incredible and confusing. Simultaneously it is also fleeting. To know all is to know that we know not, or rather to say that we know everything is to admit that we know nothing.

In school we are often taught of the 5 senses that we possess. In elementary school I recall being taught by our Librarian I believe, if I recall correctly, that these were only the beginning. That in reality we had more senses than we actually talk about. To a child with an inquisitive mind living in a city like mine, in an area similar to where I attended elementary school, this was an astonishing revelation. It was as though my mind had begun to open in a way I could never truly thank her for. I began to see the world differently.

Now I won’t tell you how astounded I am that this woman was so gracious as to impart this knowledge. I believe that the music I’ve created can elaborate on that to add context. It’s not that this wasn’t expected as teachers should teach. It was the fact that this woman cared enough to teach beyond the confines of her constraints. She was a librarian, yet she still believed that we should be given knowledge of that scale.

This was a school on the outskirts of a city gripped by poverty, dilapidation, crime, and trauma. Where the story of “The Wire” was being told, and if you haven’t seen it I recommend watching it to appreciate the gravity of this. For those who have I ask you to consider a simple truth that almost anyone who lives in Baltimore will tell you. This place is worse than “The Wire.”

Whether you believe it or not is of no consequence to me. We don’t get points for having a city in a state of decay. No one wants to live in a place that’s always falling apart. My point is this was and still is one of the most dangerous cities in America and yet my teacher wanted more for us. She felt empowered to save our lives because of her experience in life. Reflecting on that moment I believe full well that she helped to save mine.

I think that armed with the knowledge that there were so many senses that we have beyond our basic five drove me. I believe this pushed me forward in a quest to discover and master more of them. To understand more of life, in an effort to appreciate it properly. Have I achieved this yet? In all honesty no, for a time I believed that I had, however I’ve come to understand now that this was only me gaining more comprehension on what life meant to me. So as time marches on I too must walk alongside it. Unswayed by my fears and inhibitions looking towards each new day with a brave heart, as a brave face can often be a façade.

Tackling my failure was a symptom of the defense tactics I obtained while navigating this city. All in all I learned that I was too open, born with a desire to help I had to come to appreciate that everyone progresses in their own way on their own time. In life we all are made to walk separate paths that can often intersect. It is at this intersection that you should, in my opinion, seek to impart some of your wisdom and obtain some from another. Even the most miniscule of experiences can be enlightening in ways that might not be immediately apparent.

This is why I find it to be a shame that the world is so connected and yet more disconnected than ever before. It is as though the little bit of harmony that we’ve managed to achieve has been upended. That now instead of conversation we’ve chosen to speak over one another in a similar way to the Tower of Babel. It is as though we speak a foreign language within the same language. I believe the cause of this has been trauma that has yet to be healed. It is so pervasive that people en mass have been so severely traumatized that we are nearly frozen in place.

Fighting everyday against ourselves and the world we find that we are unable to find a sense of peace in this chaos.