Our Behavior And Its Relationship With Politeness Theory

Why Do We Always Seek Approval?

We always want to have a public image that draws all the attention. Right? Sometimes we seek the approval of those above us, and sometimes we want to represent the best version of ourselves by our choices.

If anyone attempts to portray us as inferior beings in society, we feel demotivated and it hurts our self-esteem. Seeking approvals and certifications has become a way of proving our worth.

The theorist of language tackled this concept quite wisely, by putting forward the politeness theory for us to follow.

Politeness Theory

A major framework that combines these differing politeness strategies has been developed by the two linguists Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson. They distinguish between:

• Positive politeness strategy: strategies that are performed to avoid offense by emphasizing friendliness.
• Negative politeness strategy: strategies that are performed to avoid offense through deference

The term "face" and politeness theory

Their theory leads back, to the term ‘face’ introduced by the sociologist Ervin Goffman. ‘Face’ in the context of politeness describes the wish of every member of a community to guard their face from possible damage through social interference( compare to losing one’s face).

There are two kinds of politeness strategies because there are two kinds of faces that have to be distinguished:

• negative face: the wish to be unimpeded by others in one’s action
• positive face: the wish or desire to gain the approval of others.

Speech Acts become acts of negative politeness when they match the negative facial want of either the speaker or the addressee. These include emphasis on social distance, use of apologies, formal language, deference, etc.

Those speech acts attending to the positive face want of a member are considered to be acts of positive politeness, including an offer of friendship, compliments (we do this on Medium also by dropping a nice comment), showing direct interest, hearty expressions, etc.

In any interaction, we present a particular image of ourselves to others. This image which we portray is called the ‘face’. If something is said or done that challenges or rejects another’s face, this is called a ‘face-threatening act’.

Whenever someone threatens our face we turn into protective mode, giving justification to the other person, or are even ready to fight.

Roughly speaking, the face can be regarded as ‘the public self-image of a person [and] it refers to that emotional and social sense of self that everyone has and expects everyone else to recognize’ (Yule 1996).

This concept rests on the fact that every individual in an interaction aims to communicate and implement their needs and wants.

Thereby, they not only create and project a certain image of themselves, which is to be recognized by other participants but moreover are also “ concerned with presenting and maintaining [that] public image of themselves, that is face” Blum-Kulka(1998), when communicating.

Yet, this public image is rather modifiable than a fixed, distant feature, as it develops out of our social relationships and environment-” it is on loan to him from society”(Goffman 1967).

Goffman also indicates that participants in a communicative interaction, seek to protect the fragile self-esteem they have of themselves at the very least, to minimize damage to this esteem, at best, to increase it.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, understanding the intricacies of politeness theory and the concept of “face” is crucial for better communication. Our constant desire for approval and the need to protect our self-esteem shape the way we interact with others.

By employing positive and negative politeness strategies, we can navigate social interactions more effectively, fostering stronger connections and mutual respect in our relationships.

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