My Thoughts about 'Geek Girls Don't Cry'- part one

Can I say this out loud? Wow! This book is incredible! Incredibly well-done! Great for all ages of girls & women. I got a copy of this book before my 31st birthday. Back in the Holidays of 2018, I saw some updates about that new book that Marisha Ray & Andrea Towers are doing something about how to be a strong & an amazing role model in real life just like the pop culture heroines. I’m like Marisha, I had been through so many gender stigmas about games & superheroes. I grew up with all kinds of outstanding things including NES (Nintendo Entertainment System), Power Rangers, X men, etc. I would like to share how I overcame my fears, trauma, isolation, grief, and adversity after I read each chapter from Geek Girls Don’t Cry. Ready? Here we go!

Review ‘Overcoming Trauma’

As you may know, I have had so many traumas during my lifetime. On the other hand, mine may be different from theirs or maybe a bit similar. After I was diagnosed as an autistic child at age two 1/2, I was teased or neglected by a few babysitters, divided /separated from school/friends, fear of being rejected & abandoned, bullied & harassed by peers, & divorced/separation-It still traumatized me. I have much more than that. And yes, I have major struggles about ‘how to be or act professionally’ due to my gender, background, and my other flaws. I do want to find my strength so that I can be stronger by the ones who believe in me & have been unconditionally through my worst days just like Natasha/Black Widow with her friends & teammates. I do want to focus and allow myself more before helping others with the experiences I have from my past.

Mine might be too different from Scully from the X-Files. I did have some moments about being sexually harassed, but not seriously assaulted. I also have those terrible nightmares, like when I’m in random/different dimensions until a heavy dark clouded humanoid comes & above me- I couldn’t move or scream. I was paralyzed. Am I being attacked by my dreams? I thought. Then, I learned that it was called “sleep hag”. Yes, it was scary. I thought it was real! In my dreams, I was being chased and attacked/assaulted by different figures, like monsters, police/guards, and zombies. Also, during my teens, even my early-mid 20s (after I graduated from my second college), I refused & was insecure to seek help for my mental health, because of the stigma. I was afraid of being ashamed & being judged. Years by, I knew how mental health has always been treated like dirt & being forced to stay silenced or hide from loved or close ones without being supported, comforted, or loved. I have been stigmatized for decades. Same thing when I have been experienced PMDD(Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). During my life (before I had the best two therapists in Mississippi), I have had difficulty talking to someone who has always been nice to me or appreciates/understands me, but sadly, most said that I could only talk to professionals. I felt like they think I’m sick or a ‘broken’ person. And, I have a very difficult income if I can afford to seek help like either to pay bills/groceries or therapy sessions.

Like Katniss from Hunger Games, I grew up somewhere by coal mining in a small town in Kentucky. I know my childhood friends’ husbands did and their families, I think? Also, I never like wars at all, especially current political violence! I don’t like to see anyone get hurt. Every time I watched war documentaries and films; I didn’t say a word but cried, confused, heartbroken, silent, scared, & shocked on the inside. I do have trust issues and insecure about the government for decades. However, since the election of 2016- I felt crushed! I felt both emotionally and mentally traumatized when my home country has been already accepted by greed, hatred, fascism, & bigotry. I felt betrayed and trapped! But I must keep fighting for my rights & my friends’ as well including civil rights, women’s rights & LGBT rights with, not just happiness, but hope. I'm also worried if it's gonna be permanent in later 2022 and 2024.

I have been isolated by myself and/or my peers. However, it may be different about Xena’s path of violence- violence is never meant for me. I never like being aggressive, I fear that people would be afraid of me when I'm angry, etc. I also grew up learning about death, the forensic investigation- my dad is a forensic pathologist, and he’s been examining many deaths since the later 70s after his college. There are so many things that cause death -accidents, illnesses, suicides, homicides, abuses, negligence, injuries, and catastrophes. So, back to the subject, I have been rejected by others and myself, my emotions became very intense and I kept blaming/punishing myself. In other words, I do have a great support system who understands & has similar struggles that I have just like Xena, Scully & Katniss.

I have an issue with claustrophobia just like Ororo/Storm from X-Men. I do feel very uncomfortable with very small/tight/crowded spaces; and yes, I do feel anxious, especially when I go shopping/doing errands-I’m trying to get used to it. The worst moment was when I was very young. It was when I went to the time-out room/closet from a special ed class. It looks like an isolated ward or a jail room. It has a small space, a white brick wall, and a very small window on the door. It was not a great experience at all. Also, much worse during COVID, I'm still afraid that the crowd is still risky.

Next part, I will be writing about my experience of Grief from their second chapter…See you soon.