Mind Over Matter

Our beliefs are incredibly powerful. They can either propel us towards our goals or hold us back from achieving the life we desire. Limiting beliefs are especially insidious because they often feel like they are just part of who we are.

If you've ever experienced self-doubt, fear, or insecurity, you know how powerful beliefs can be.

Beliefs are shaped by our experiences and the environment around us. Our families, communities, culture, and society all contribute to our beliefs about ourselves.

For many years, I believed I wasn't worthy of success because I had been conditioned to think that way by my environment. Challenging and changing those beliefs took a lot of self-exploration and consistent effort.

Now that I understand the power of my beliefs, I live by my own rules. You, too, can conquer your limiting beliefs and, in turn, change your life.

So, What Are Limiting Beliefs?

An example of a limiting belief that held me back was the idea that I could not have supportive relationships.

Whenever I pursued something that I was passionate about and shared it with those close to me, I was met with either outright criticism and disapproval or later found the person had gone behind my back to speak poorly about me to others.

On the other hand, when people in my life told me I was capable and worthy, I would be suspicious of their motivation for saying it, or I would simply not believe them.

Another limiting belief was the feeling that I had to be perfect to succeed. As a perfectionist, I felt so much pressure to make sure everything was flawless before I could move forward, which often caused me unnecessary stress that led to inaction, self-sabotage, or even panic attacks.

Looking back at these instances, I wondered, "Why does this always happen to me?" I then noticed a pattern of behavior and began to question them.

Just because I believed something about myself, that didn't mean it was true.

On Identifying Limiting Beliefs

When I began to inquire about why I assumed negative beliefs, I could identify the source of my assumptions and see them for what they were—thoughts and not facts.

I began recognizing these thoughts as stories rather than truths and felt more empowered to choose different ways of thinking.

Some questions I would ask were:

What do I believe about myself that is holding me back?

What evidence do I have to support this belief?

How might this thought be helping or hurting me?

What would be a more helpful way of thinking about this?

This line of questioning helped me to identify and challenge limiting beliefs and replace them with constructive ones. It was a powerful way to start creating positive change in my life.

One of the things I learned through this process was that our thoughts become our beliefs, and our beliefs shape how we see and interact with the world around us.

When I realized the power of my thoughts, I began to pay more attention and choose different ways of thinking. With practice, it got easier to see my thoughts objectively as they occurred and challenge them immediately.

These are some questions I now ask myself when I notice that I'm encountering resistance towards something I desire:

What do I believe about the world or other people that is limiting me?

What am I afraid of? What am I afraid will happen if I pursue my goals?

What stories am I telling myself about myself and my abilities?

What assumptions am I making about myself and my situation?

Cultivating an awareness of my thoughts helps me to acknowledge false assumptions while gaining a clearer understanding of my true capabilities and obstacles.

Contrary Evidence to Limiting Beliefs

Looking for contrary evidence of a belief helps me challenge my thoughts and create a more realistic and helpful perspective.

For example, if I fear failure and tell myself I am not good enough, I can look for evidence of my successes and accomplishments to counter this belief. Recalling specific examples provides a powerful antidote to my limiting thoughts.

By doing this consistently, I started breaking down the walls of self-doubt and fear that kept me from having the confidence to pursue what I wanted in life.

Reframing Limiting Beliefs

After identifying limiting beliefs and finding contrary evidence, reframing becomes a simple task of deciding on a new belief system.

Here are some examples of how to reframe limiting beliefs:

1. Limiting belief - "I am not good at public speaking."

Reframed belief - "I have not had enough practice with public speaking, but with consistent effort, I can develop my skill and become an effective public speaker."

Contrary evidence to support my reframed belief - "I speak confidently in front of colleagues and friends, which shows that I can do it with practice."

2. Limiting belief - "I will never get what I want in life."

Reframed belief - "I have the potential and ability to achieve my goals with consistent effort and dedication."

Contrary evidence to support my new belief - "I've achieved plenty of goals in the past, like when I wanted to buy a home or spend the summer in Hawaii, so I know I can do it again."

3. Limiting belief - "I am not intelligent enough to succeed in my dream career."

Reframed belief - "My current level of intelligence does not determine my ability to gain new skills and knowledge. With hard work and dedication, I can learn and excel in my chosen field."

Contrary evidence to support my new belief - "I have been able to learn and master new skills in the past, such as coding or advanced mathematics, so I know I will learn whatever is necessary for me to succeed in my career."

The emotional aspect of this is most important to me. Not only do I think analytically and logically, but I also focus on how I want to feel. Paying attention to feeling gives me insight into whether I am on the right track.

Does the new belief make me feel expansive or constrained? Do I feel excited or anxious? The feeling could be an invitation to revisit the limiting thought and further inquire into why I don't feel comfortable with a new one.

But I know I'm on the right path when the new belief feels natural.

By seeing our beliefs as stories rather than facts, we can create new narratives for ourselves that are more helpful and empowering. How we see the world is a choice. With practice, we can tell stories that support us rather than hold us back.

Other Tools and Techniques for Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

When cultivating awareness of my thoughts and reframing limiting beliefs, there are several other methods I use to stay on track and focus on ideal outcomes:

Meditation

Daily meditation has been incredibly helpful in reducing my inner critical voice, increasing awareness of my thoughts and emotions, and nurturing self-compassion.

There are many forms of meditation to explore, from guided journeys to simple mindfulness meditation. You can find a variety of practices for free on the Insight Timer app.

My favorite way to meditate is with the HeartMath Global Coherence app. They have weekly Focus Care events where you can meditate with others or pop into the Coherence Pulse group and spend time there.

The HeartMath technique is simple: focus on breathing from your heart and feeling sincere appreciation or care. And you can spend as much time as you like. The method is also effective throughout the day to overcome subtle irritations and is even helpful in settling down after an argument or before one gets started.

Journaling

One of my favorite tools for self-reflection is journaling. Not only does it help to process thoughts and feelings, but it also provides a platform for exploring new perspectives.

I use journaling to explore my limiting beliefs by responding to prompts such as:

Where did this belief come from?

What evidence do I have that it's true?

How would life be different if I let go of this belief?

I also use other journaling tools like Julia Cameron's Morning Pages, which encourages you to write three full pages of stream-of-consciousness writing each day. This can be immensely helpful in identifying and releasing limiting beliefs and opening up space for new and positive ideas.

Visualization

Visualizing or imagining a situation can help see it from different perspectives or create a desired outcome by planting the intention and experiencing its associated feelings and emotions now.

One notable example is when I lived in LA and went to the anniversary screening of a movie I hadn't seen before.

I loved the movie, and afterward, there was a Q&A panel with the director and several of the actors, whom I found hilarious. I imagined how fun it would be to chat with him over drinks and didn't give it any more thought.

The next day, a friend had just gotten back to town and called me to catch up. I told him about the movie and how funny the director was. He said, "Why are you telling me this? Do you know that he's a good friend of mine?" I hadn't known that.

I went out to dinner with the director the next night, and he was just as fun to talk with as I had imagined. We're still in contact to this day.

Imagination is also useful for long-term desires. I wanted to move to Los Angeles when I lived in San Francisco. Within the next two years, I found myself driving into Hollywood on a Super Bowl Sunday to move into my Hollywood apartment.

Affirmations

You're likely familiar with affirmations and know that they are positive statements used to override limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones. But did you know that if you use them without also addressing the underlying thoughts, they can be counter-productive?

Instead of accepting the affirmation as truth, you may wrestle with it and feel you're lying to yourself. That's why I choose to use "reframed affirmations." This is where I take the part of me that is resisting and honor it by reflecting its beliefs in my affirmation.

For example, if I'm trying to let go of perfectionism but still feel like everything has to be perfect, my reframed affirmation might be: "It's okay for me to make mistakes; they don't define me."

I also like to combine visualization and affirmations. To do this, I imagine myself in a situation where the reframed affirmation is true and feel the positive emotion associated with it.

One thing I don't do is mindlessly repeat an affirmation like "I am worthy" throughout the day. Instead, I pause and reflect on why it's important to me that "I am worthy" and specifically what I feel unworthy of, then the affirmation becomes more meaningful.

When I know why something is important to me, I can feel more connected to the affirmation and experience it as authentic.

Final Thoughts

Limiting beliefs can powerfully influence our lives, but they don't have to define us. By cultivating awareness around these thoughts and reframing them with helpful stories, we can create new narratives that are more empowering and supportive.

It takes practice, but breaking out of our limiting beliefs and creating the life we want is possible. The first step is to recognize our current beliefs, then decide to replace them with more positive ones.

Through journaling, visualization, affirmations, and other tools, we can create new stories that open up the possibilities we want to realize.