Lessons From a Mentor

What is the greatest lesson a mentor taught you? Rupi Kaur's Gratitude Writing Prompts

1) When I first got into my long-term recovery, a mentor would meet with me each week for a meal and to chat about how life was going. She would pick the place to meet one week and she expected me to pick the place the next week.

At first I would say, we can meet at Country Kitchen, or Perkins or how about Snyders. She would say, your turn to choose. So, I would choose as she wouldn't let me off the hook. As time went on it got easier for me to choose. It was just twice a month.

I noticed how it translated to making other decisions easier in my personal life.

When I told her that, she said, "Do you know why I insisted that you decide where we would meet?" No, I did not. She then said, "It is because of perfectionism. You don't want to make a decision and have it be wrong as then you feel like it is your fault the food or service was bad."

I do not have any trouble making decisions after that experience.

2) Another friend when we would talk and I was struggling with something or someone and feeling bad would give me a step-by-step solution. She would say, "I suggest you run some bathwater, put bubbles in the tub, light a scented candle and sit and relax."

Then she would say, "When you are done with a relaxing bath, put on your favorite pj's or nightie, find a magazine or book with short stories and treat yourself to one or two and say a quick gratitude prayer, or a Let Go and Let God."

If it wasn't bedtime, she adjusted her directions for the time. The idea was to do something for self-care and it helped in letting go of whatever was going on. She never assumed I would do it without her talking me through.

Then for years, I attended a women's meeting where most of them took a bath every day. They didn't always talk about it but when they did it was clear that they didn't miss it. I do self-care daily now. I stayed with that women's group for years as a reminder of self-care.

I do not take a bath, rather a shower and it isn't every day. I do however wash up and do other things to pamper myself. And I do have a jacuzzi tub that I had installed.

3) This friend talked to me about how she would take God outside with her and then leave him there so she could go back in and eat the dessert she said she wasn't going to have.

Made sense to me, and then I told her it didn't work for me as I had that message in my head that God is always watching!

But it did work as I was made aware of how much denial I have and the things I can convince myself of too. We had such great times together. She was always telling me about her latest doings/happenings. I could always learn something from them.

She is a watercolor artist and one time she gave me an 8x10 photo that she had made for me that had a cow picture and the words, "Do Not Should On Yourself!" Another time a hand-painted watercolor with "The nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others!"

One of the things I use the most is from when she was driving to work at a treatment/detox program a significant distance and would leave before light and get home after dark, I asked how she avoided the deer on the road.

She said, "I ask to see the deer in the ditch." That was it. So, I started to do that every time I got in the car. Until I hit a dog. Then, I asked to see the critters in the ditch.

I started hitting birds when we moved up north and I would find them in the grill of my car. We lived in the country, and tons of bugs were always on my windshield when driving in the evening.

So now I say, every time I get in the driver's seat, "Thank you for keeping the critters in the ditch, the birds in the air, and the bugs where they belong." This works for me!

I am so grateful for all the mentors in my life!! Too many to mention!