Beyond the Blues
Understanding depression is difficult; hear from Psyche's community of peers on their experiences with this mood disorder.
Listen
Is anyone ever listening? How do I know that you're listening? How do I know that you care? Will you listen to me and help me find an answer or solution? Can you understand me? Are you willing to try to understand me? How in the hell can I get you to understand?
Morgan BinniePublished 7 years ago in PsycheStruggling Every Day with Anxiety and Depression!
Every morning I fight myself to wake up. I fight myself to get out of bed. My bed is my only safe place. It’s the only place where my anxiety is at ease. My bed is also my enemy; it’s where my thoughts start racing and my depression kicks in. It’s where I cry and fight my emotions about what people think or say about me. The blankets act as arms and cuddle me with their embrace. How can I leave such a soothing yet destructive place? When I finally pull myself up out of bed, I slowly find myself in my bathroom in front of my mirror where I stare into what depression and anxiety looks like. Tired, bloodshot eyes; messy hair; a face that’s breaking out from the stress. I stare into my own eyes, which tell so many stories of emotion and how I feel. I see the hurt and the pain that I cover up every day with a fake smile. I struggle to get ready and try to convince myself to lay back in bed. The world is a scary place; just go back to bed where you’re truly safe. Yet I fight to continue on, and I slowly make it outside, the sun making my eyes squint, because my blacked-out shades in my bedroom hide my eyes from the sun. I cover my eyes trying to hide my emotions from the world. My clothes still say a lot about me; black is my color. Black to hide my emotions, to hide who I really am—or is it to express what I really feel? I meet my friends, putting on that fake smile; they know what I’m covering up. They question and push till I break and tell them what I’m really feeling. It feels good to tell them that it’s truly difficult to actually leave my bed. For that little moment in life spent with my friends, I actually feel happy. I feel complete, like I never struggled at all. That’s until reality hits, when I step foot into my house. Everything hits again, a whirl wind of anxiety and depression all at once. How can I have such a great time, yet feel so sad? It’s this sickness I struggle with, it’s an illness that will forever be with me. No matter how good of a day I have, I struggle at the end of the day. It’s the little moments that keeps my feet on the ground. I can have the best day of my life and still feel like I’m not good enough for this world. I truly drown myself with emotions when I walk through the front door of my house. I create my own loneliness and destructive behavior. I have to remember that no matter how much I’m struggling, I have people that love me whom I can just call if I need to. I’m a lucky one; I have that outlet. My illnesses push me to be that person for anyone that needs someone. I know what it’s like to be at the end of your rope and someone saves my life. Don’t give up on who you are, live for the little happy moments. Push yourself; I promise when living life it’s truly beautiful. It’s hard reaching out for help when you think the world is out to get you. I have so many outlets to help me forget who I am or my life, music being the main one. I shove the earbuds as far as they’ll go into my ears. I turn the music up loud, and I hold on to every lyric that is being sung to me. Find a positive outlet to release yourself, find yourself in something positive. Hold onto it and don’t let go, and don’t be afraid to talk or ask for help.
Jennifer OrtegaPublished 7 years ago in PsycheAnxiety and Depression Ruined My Life, Now I'm Taking It Back
It is something that has taken me a long time to fully acknowledge, I had always tried to play it down or shrug it off. I've often mentioned in passing my struggles with anxiety and my depressive moods, but I cannot recall a scenario where I went into great detail about it. More often than not, I just brushed it off with the admirable, if sometimes misguided, stoicism society tends to encourage. Even in 2017, talking about mental health still appears to be a stigma. It's hard to admit you're struggling, let alone tell another human being or a group about it, putting yourself out there, allowing yourself to be vulnerable is extremely daunting. Also, people generally do not want to hear anything other than "positive vibes only," it's less of a hassle to say you're okay and put a brave face on things, even if it's just for show.
Michael JonesPublished 7 years ago in PsycheMy Own Personal Nightmare
Some days I wake up and I feel like there is this weight on me, and I have a sinking feeling in my stomach as if I am about to throw up. I realize that the monsters have come back for a visit, and I prepare to go through the day with their constant nagging and whispering in my ears. At some point during the day they leave me, as if going on a slight break so we don't get sick of each other or to go home and rest for a while, but they always come back to bother me... usually when I am in a great mood.
aureliabloodPublished 7 years ago in PsycheLosing My Independence
Following my graduation from University, I moved back in with my parents for the summer. After countless job applications, I was struggling to find a job which presented itself as interesting to me. I quickly accepted an unpaid internship which I had little desire in but was told would direct me into a promising career within a government organization. Initially, I had turned down an opportunity with a tech-startup in a different province, for this unpaid opportunity which I was told would be the better choice of the two. Two days into the internship I quickly came to the realization that this wasn't for me and proceeded to quit once I arrived home from the lengthy commute.
Why Writing with Depression Is So Difficult
For years, writing has been my passion. I have so many ideas brewing around in my head for different novels, but none of which have come to fruition. I can be half asleep and come up with an amazing plot. I'll wake up and jot some basics down, but they are basically useless to me. I can never have enough muse to get anything done. If my life isn't even together, how can I put another one together? I often put the blame on depression for draining my life force, slowly, but surely. As it turns out, this is only part of the case. Executive dysfunction is the actual culprit.
Gren McClinticPublished 7 years ago in PsycheIs Depression a Real Illness?
After tackling the beast called anxiety, I figured it's time to touch on yet another topic that I personally deal with and am highly fascinated by. (Yes, the brain is fascinating and even though I curse mine I am genuinely intrigued by its functioning—or lack thereof—ha.)
Annalise MishlerPublished 7 years ago in PsycheWhat Not to Say to Someone with Depression
*First, a preface that this turned into a bit more of a rant than I intended.* As a millennial, I hear a lot from older generations that we millennials are "too sensitive" and "take everything personally" and "get triggered too easily." I have a huge problem with these accusations because first of all, there is no such thing as being "too sensitive." Sensitivity is not a character flaw nor is it something that should be fixed.
Annalise MishlerPublished 7 years ago in PsycheGrowing Up with Social Anxiety
Anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Why I Have Depression and What It Makes Me Feel Like
I'm 26 years old. I'll be 27 in October. I've suffered with depression for most of my teenage years and all the way up to now, I'll have it for the rest of my life. It's not something that can be cured only managed with a daily dose of medication that some days doesn't feel like it works.
Nathan NicholsonPublished 7 years ago in PsycheIs Suicide Selfish?
**Trigger Warning: This article may be triggering to those struggling with suicidal ideation or other mental illnesses. ** "Suicide isn’t chosen. It happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. When you wake up in extreme pain and crippling sickness and get mad at God for allowing you to wake up instead of thanking him for the day. Because you don’t want the day… because you have no choice in your life anymore.
Annalise MishlerPublished 7 years ago in PsycheMental Health
Late in the 2010s, mental health has become more and more open to the media; more people were getting help for what they are dealing with. More doctors, support workers, and psychiatrists have more experience with how to deal with the most common mental health issues to date.
Tanisha DaggerPublished 7 years ago in Psyche