Anxiety has stopped.

All my life have I been a worrier. Don't really recall when it first started, but as far as I remember I was afraid. As I grew up, I kept adding new things to my fear list. Fear of snakes, fear of heights, fear of dark blue waters, fear of making a fool of myself, fear of speaking my mind.. until I realised I was suddenly afraid of rollercoasters, which I used to love.

It is a fact that we are born with fear, it is a natural self-defence mechanism, designed to keep us safe and alive, so a little bit of fear keeps us out of trouble. But how do we become from having let's say 10% fear, and 90% adventure thirst in our childhood, to getting exactly the reverse in our adulthood, seeing our zest for life slowly fading away, and leaving us with a straight, serious face?

Is it the stories that we tell ourselves and keep rewinding in our minds? We all have them, either they're true, or we made them up. You wake up first thing in the morning, and your mind starts feeding you with information. Information of what happened yesterday, what is ahead of you today, what you said, what you should have said, what you need to do, what you hate doing, what would you like to do instead.. and all these thoughts bring up a feeling, a vibration, a familiarity if you like, this is how you are, this is what makes you, you. Your story. And most of the time, you are living stuck in that story, and you cannot see beyond it, you cannot move, you think:" This is it. This is my life." You want your life to change, but you don't want to change yourself.

Well, that has happened to me. I was living my story, everyday reinforced by my own thoughts. I really couldn't see any silver lining. I was afraid that my life will always be the same. I reached the peak of my fear and it turned into anxiety. I was constantly afraid of all the things that could go wrong in my life that I've created a space for myself that would literally leave me breathless. Fear started to be felt at a physical level. I was feeling tired, overwhelmed, suffocated, dizzy, powerless, and just wanted to give up. I even embraced it, and called it "my anxiety". From what I've read and heard, I thought I had to live with it. It doesn't go away. You need professional help. The story that I was telling myself was, that this is a part of me now, and I will have to carry it around, and tell my friends, and my family, so I can get some kind of special treatment. " Please don't say things that would upset me, I have anxiety", it crossed my mind to say it. But somehow, I wanted to reject it.

Everyday, around a certain time, I would start to have these symptoms of not getting enough air, couldn't swallow, my stomach was tied into a knot, my heart was beating really fast, my hands were cold and sweaty and I always thought, this is it, now I'm going to die. I felt that there's no escape, no relief, no cure. I was just panicking that I am panicked.

I was trying really hard not to think of things that I'm afraid of. And at some point, I wasn't. But the panic attacks were automatic at this point.

It is very difficult to keep your mind of negative thoughts, so I started to look into changes that I could make at a physical level. Researching this topic, I was shocked to realise that I was having all the habits that would trigger this anxiety response in the body:

1. Not eating properly. Eating once a day. And that meal was a burger.(loaded with sugars and carbohydrates)

2. Having around 5-6 cups of coffee a day.

3.Not exercising at all. I mean it. At all.

4. Overindulging in alcohol.

Well, all I can say is, after eating a balanced, nutrient-rich diet, cutting out caffeine completely, and embracing a daily yoga practice, breathing exercises and lowering alcohol consumption, all the panic attacks stopped. Haven't had one ever since.

This is my story. Now.