Are we humans, or are we writers?

“Is my life going to be at least a good read?” I have been inspired to write this when reading Danya White’s “What chapter are you on?” and it honestly, gave me the chills when I read ”I want my life to be a great read.”

If life’s a book and the phases that we go through are chapters, then our experiences must be divided as so. You won’t enjoy reading a book that feels linear and static. You would expect a new chapter to tell a new story. Of course, it all ties up together nicely when you read the whole story. One thing leads to another, you will get how everything is connected only when you look back.

"You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

- Steve Jobs

I cannot see it yet. I can see how many situations have led me to where I am now. I have experienced moments of “ oh my god, this is what was supposed to happen all along.” I had no clue back then, but now I can see.

It is easier to have a memory of the past than a vision of the future, I know it’s a stupid thing to say, but they are both only present in our imagination, neither of them exists in the now. I don’t know about others but for me, it’s hard to imagine a future.

I was randomly having this conversation with my boyfriend one day, he told me he is always imagining our future, how we are gonna be liberated one day from this ...I’m going to use the term “rat race” and how we are going to do the things we love and be free from trading our hours for little money.

And he asked me: “What do you think about all day?” and I was surprised to learn about myself that I am only thinking of things that already happened, I just remember and then worry they would happen again. I can’t break free from seeing my life unfolding in the same way as it did in the past, I can’t take of this lens that I am looking through. I cannot grasp the fact that something else would happen instead of what’s already happened. And it hit me: “Do you think I’m depressed? Am I contributing t creating this dull life, this predictable future? Is my thinking so negative that it actually stops us from getting where we want to go? “

Of course, I know where I want to be. But I am never thinking about it. Never. Sometimes, maybe. Once in a few months. The rest of my time I spend creating the same thing over and over again. The same experiences, but in a slightly different environment. I know you cannot connect the dots looking further, but is there a destination dot for me? Am I even trying to get there? It seems so far that I can’t connect with the idea of having it. I am stuck concerning about petty things like “this job sounds a bit better, I should go there. I will earn an extra £200.“ But is this really what I want to do anyway? I will still hate it in a month.

This is not why I’m here. I always have this gut feeling that I am meant to do more than I do. I know I have a voice and I want to make an impact in this world, but I always end up caught and lost in this rut. All I think about is how much I hate meaningless work and soul-crushing jobs and repetitive actions that will never help me grow. I feel like a robot. I want to be free, and create, and evolve, and make a difference.

So are we the writers of our own story? Am I writing the same chapter over again using my thoughts? Is all my energy that it’s meant to create a better future used on recalling things of the past?

I’ve heard so many stories about how humans have achieved what they’ve put their minds to. Many, many incredible stories where ordinary people have accomplished amazing things, just because they knew they that’s what they wanted.

You can’t see the future or how are you going to get there, but you have to have a destination dot and focus on it. It must be true. It’s been proven that it’s working.

I strongly believe that we are creators, writers and our mind is magical if we know how to use it. I do believe that our thoughts create our reality. I’ve seen it for myself. This is what I am thinking about, this is what I get. I takes a lot of energy to be negative. All of it. The same amount it would take if you were positive, but you might just accomplish something.

So what’s your destination dot?