My evolution

Growing up in a small midwestern farm town was not all it is cracked up to be. Being “different” was never an option in a one-race, right-sided, religious community. This made life difficult as I had no direction and no idea how to discover myself. I just wanted to be me but who was that? I eventually ran off at 16 and went to California, wow was I in for a shock. Until then the word gay had only been seen as a hate word in my world, so you can imagine how I felt seeing the first Gay-Mart! I had no idea what any of the terms used in the community meant, I was lost and full of hormones.

A much older local store clerk had befriended me and after answering endless questions, he handed me a book. I cannot remember the title anymore, but it was a story of a teen boy discovering his own sexuality. This was exactly what I needed, a world I never knew existed, yet it felt like home. I could relate to the stories I was reading, I no longer felt like an alien.

Over the next few years, I found myself in so many different situations, some great and some very unhealthy and unsafe. Now I find myself blessed to be a healthy adult now, looking back.

Then I watched as a country we became more excepting; I was no longer afraid to be me. Now, it seems we have peddled far in reverse. I find myself more careful about expression, especially in public. Feeling this way triggered a thought, I wonder what it is like now for young people. I can only imagine things being more complicated now than ever before.

Even now, I sometimes struggle with self-identity. I still find myself needing a mentor, a partner, a friend. Over the decades I have been fortunate enough to have that one special friend, the one who never judges. A friend we can go years without talking to and pick up right where we left off. And I know now that not everyone has that luxury of having someone to talk to, someone to guide them or show them hey, I did that, and it didn’t work. Or have you read this book, it may help.

I came back to Vocal because I needed my voice back. After exploring a bit, and noticing all the great changes on here, I realized that today’s young adults have an entire community at their fingertips! This also makes me wonder if their life is easier or more difficult because of this. We all know just how toxic social media can be on anyone.

I just wanted to thank everyone on here for their stories and writings. I hope someday I may write something that will help another lost soul just like the younger me. And for all of you that struggle to find your place, just know that you are right where you belong. You may not see it yet but just keep following your heart and never take shame in who you are. We are all so unique yet in the same boat together.