Dear Envy, I…

Dear Envy,

I…

am not certain I will ever be

sure of all the damage you

have done to me.

Could it be that maybe, we

have come to co-exist amid

a menagerie of twisted notions, where

I fly?

Oh Envy, I….

admit that I have always felt you were

my enemy…

but now I’ve come to realize I

may not [[have ever]] come to be

the “me” I’m known to be, you see

without my constant nursing on

your lies.

*

Dear Jealousy,

I was there when you first came to be, you

were just a seedling

(needing)

water and the sunlight from

my mind.

Oh, how quickly you

crashed into me and grew…

{{you}}

distracted me,

attached to me,

and before I knew it, you…

enwrapped me with those ivy vines (of which)

my starry eyes could not see through.

*

Oh Envy, I…

always tried my best to feel you weren’t a

wicked, green-eyed phantom…

(and I wanted to)

assume you picked me just by random,

but

the more I think that I remember, I

believe you must have always known…

that I was ember-love, (abandoned)… I

was stranded with my broken bones, you

honed in on me and twisted all your

viscid vines around my skinny ankles;

I was strangled and my

Guardian Angel didn’t have a fighting chance to

block your tricky angle, you

tied up her wrists with all your leafy,

needy tangles, you

[[somehow made me feel you were my only option...]]

before I ever even

had a chance to blossom, I

was quickly withered out from all [[your shade]]…

and every time I met someone with something that I thought

I wanted...

I never felt that I was good enough,

(and that’s because)

I lacked self-love (and so I)

walked the shores of life so haunted and

[[so plagued]] -

all the while *wondering why*

and when and

what if I was something different…., oh -

in hindsight - looking back now - I

understand the reason why I didn’t have

a God within to help me grow.

*

Dear Envy,

I….

admit I still can’t really even

see what you were after,

(because)

after all is said and done, I

believe I’m prone to think I would have always

been a sad disaster EITHER WAY,

but the saddest part is that I tend to

think it doesn’t matter,

(that we)

were destined to be

enemies that shattered

BOUNDARIES, (turned) to lovers…

...that we...

awaited all throughout the universal void

[[of all the time that ticks away]]…

>>just so you could hunt me down on Earth and wonder<<

how it'd be to

bleed me out - devoid -

(all while my trust in you transpired);

>>>>because as I

sipped on your {{green fire}} like

a poison beaujolais...

you were busy making other plans, (I see)...

you were busy making me your prey.

*

Dear necrotizing, evil hunger...

you are more than just a phantom (from my)

tandem younger years, you

have raised me to believe (you are)

a mother figure to my fear;

every time I cannot reach my destination...

[[you come alive with your diseased intentions...]]

and cast me in the shadows of

my friends

my blood

[[my peers]]...

and while I smile and I celebrate their victory,

underneath it all, I...

I hate to say it, Envy, but

I'm filled with hate that sickens me;

!!!not for them!!!,

(and not for you)

but for myself (because)

I let the cycle replicate within me through and through...

I let your venom frenzy;

I let this tangled game you play

weigh heavily on my shoulders (and)

ensue.

*

And Envy, I

can't fathom how to stop you.

Oh Envy, I'm...

incarcerated by these ivy vines that wrap around my neck and

misconstrue...

my understanding of what

{{motivation is}};

sometimes I think that how we co-exist is symbiotic, but

the truth is that it's

purely just a mess and catastrophically chaotic, and

that's what "collocation" is -

two opposing forces placed together,

juxtaposed and forced to live (tied by a tether) -

and in nature that will (almost always mean)

one will decompose and {{one will be}}

*superior*, realistically.

*

Oh, Envy, you...

are not the lesson that I chose for me,

but then again - perhaps you are -

when I was just a *soul among the stars*...

perhaps I chose this road (before I was transposed into)

my earthly, worried being...

Oh, Envy, there

has to be more good to you than what

I'm seeing...

but all I see is {{ivy twisted over me}};

contorting me

[[conforming me]]

transforming me (into my) lesser self

and state of mind...

and I'm dying (for I know)

*that somewhere*, deep within my soul

that this is not the way

that I was meant to be designed.

*

Dear Envy, I

would like to say goodbye to you;

(I think that you should find)

another fortress to ascend...

I'll admit that I

have learned from you

(though the lessons, they...)

have burned right through my

will to thank you and pretend...

{{that you were sent by heaven to refine me}};

Dear Envy, I...

have only learned you're not

my friend.

*

Dear Envy, I

envision you...

growing in a garden ruled

by ferns;

your little ivy leaves (grow up) the castle wall...

(but then the Queen comes out and burns down all)

her kingdom so it falls (because of your) uncouthness,

and you are left as just [[a skeleton]]

of ugly secrets and your truth...

then all the ferns and flowers crowd around you

and (together) they vow discreetly that you

will never be allowed to grow or loom...

and all the lilies of my youth (can finally)

** *{{spread their leaves and bloom}}* **.

Oh Envy, I...

feel that I can finally say it now -

goodbye to you, adieu,

A Fortress Tall Without You

*

-Gina C. ✨🧚‍♀️

*

Author's note: This poem was written for the Epistolary Challenge. :)

This poem is part of my Signature collection, which is rich in rhyme, very lyrical, quite expansive, and often full of notable, magical elements. If you are interested in reading more poems from this collection, try this one:

Thank you so much for reading! ☺️

I'd be over the moon if we could support each other! I am an active member in the Vocal + Assist, Great Incantations, and Vocal Social Society Facebook groups. Posting your work there is the best way for me to support you! :) ❤️