Pet parodies to help us hash out our pet peeves.
Dagney's Thoughts on Pooping
Listen up! This is something humans need to know. Us dogs need space. That's right, you think putting us on a leash, escorting us to a rock and pausing is enough to activate our bowels. You should know it doesn't work that way. It takes time and sometimes a little ritual.
Promptly and without exception every night at eight, I'll hear the whimper and cries of a 110 pound baby while he looks at me with begging eyes and wagging tail, signaling to me that it's time for the nightly stroll. Chance my rescued Lab-mix dog, will without fail, expect a nightly walk to which his pint-sized Pekingese companion, Gizmo, will be right behind him; being awakened by Chances nightly walk-dance ritual. Gizmo knows as well does Chance that this behavior gets me up, putting my shoes on, and taking them out the door. Little do they know that I have this walk planned as their daily exercise and love doing it at night as it seems to be the best time to clear my mind while my dogs get a little exercise and the chance to take in the neighborhood scents and leave some of their own.
G'day, I’m Crow, that’s Detective Crow if you must know. I live down under in Australia. I have traveled far and wide and I have cousins all over the world, sometimes we’re known as a raven to.
12 Myths About Dogs
1. They Are Better Thieves Than Cats Everyone has heard of a cat burglar. No one has heard of a dog burglar. It's not because they don't exist. It's because they are so dang good they never get caught. On March 27, 2017, a 221-lb gold coin called the behemoth was stolen in Canada and police have no idea how the thieves pulled it off. That's because no one is looking at the dogs because they think they are good boys. Try good burglars.
A day in my life trying to work and raise a puppy
I have to tell you about my day...I need to get it off my chest so that I can move forward with my life. As some of you know, I have a new puppy. At 9 months, he is about 87 pounds now and comes up to my waist. He is a mix of something and something, but looks like a hairy lab or maybe a golden retriever? I am convinced that he is a mixture of wolf, flying squirrel, and what ever animal can dig a hole to China from Alaska. He also loves catching bees and other flying creatures like birds, fly's, and attempts to take down every airplane that fly's overhead. This is inconvenient as we live by the airport.
The Bees, The Horse, and The Hedgehog
The hedgehog was finally clean. Tilde put it in her breast pocket and it peeped its eyes to survey the acreage. Tilde took her last sip of tea before starting her morning rounds. “Good morning Stryder,” said Tilde as she mounted the Clydesdale. Stryder whinnied in response before setting off. The faint buzzing, always present on the property, grew louder as she approached her first hive. The hedgehog dove deeper into her pocket at the sound of the bees. Bees!
The Cricket and the Ant
Zephyrs of summer wind teased the verdant landscape into recitals of grass ballet. Heady blossom scents collided with evaporating earth musk, joining essences in wild bouquets of redolence. Cicada concerti reeded their seven-year inspirations to a score composed in darkness. Frustrated with their irritating dissonance, the cricket raised his own distinctive chirr.
The scene opens in a sunny garden. Cat 1, a tabby mog is sprawled in the mid-afternoon sunshine. On a nearby table, Cat 2, a black female stares intently in his direction. The sunlight is hitting her eyes.
The Origin of Owllock Holmes
The blackness of night engulfed the forest. Before the sun’s golden rays peeked through, rising the forest to life. A little mouse scurried through the underbrush, dodging branches and boulders in his way. A little scarf made from a scrap of red yarn waved behind him.
Son of a Nightmare
If you're reading this, my name's Lyell and, though I'm almost ashamed to admit it, I'm a unicorn. People nowadays hear that and, immediately, there are certain ideas that come to mind. To clarify things, I don't sparkle, I don't shit rainbows, and I am as masculine as a pile of highly combustible bacon playing poker while driving a tank.
Rant #1: Pigeons. . . . Just Why?!
Ahhhh, the typical "rats with wings". This may be a pointless argument or conversation, but unless you have seen what I witnessed, Pigeons are probably the smartest creatures that people brush off. Now let me just gently ask, *sips a quick cup of coffee*, WHY ISN'T NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?!!!!!
Secret Dog's Business
The most peculiar moment of Richard Granger’s life occurred at two o’clock on a muggy Thursday afternoon, when he’d opened his front door to see his three dogs standing around the dining table. They looked to be in serious conversation, though just what three labrador retrievers had to be serious about Richard wasn’t sure, and anyway he was more concerned by the fact they were all on two legs. The scene had only lasted a moment before one of them had glanced sharply up and let out a bark, and then he’d fainted in shock.