satire
Pet parodies to help us hash out our pet peeves.
Omar's Diary to May 11, 2019
To date I am most disappointed with 10 Downing Street. At the beginning of April, I wrote a personal letter to the Prime Minister expressing two of my current concerns. My main concern is with this process called BREXIT, which seems to be sucking the threads of decency, politeness, and tolerance from the now polarized world of servants living here in Britain.
Alan RussellPublished 5 years ago in PetlifeOmar's Diary to 11th November 2017
I was enjoying my week until the picture above was resurrected. Lady Servant was given this not so complimentary magazine, on one of her recent flights across the UK. Then earlier today Man Servant brought home the Saturday edition of The Guardian whose third lead headline on the front page was 'UK is most obese nation in Western Europe'. I think this article was primarily about the servant species and was not directed at me individually. I have to keep reminding servants that I am not overweight. I am breed standard and what you see in my pictures is just very relaxed muscles.
Alan RussellPublished 6 years ago in PetlifeOmar's Diary for the Week Ending 3rd November 2017
I do apologize for my last header photograph if it offended anyone. It is just that Man Servant could not locate the much better one above at the time.
Alan RussellPublished 6 years ago in PetlifeOmar's Diary for the Weekend of October 28th & 29th 2017
I was aware of some kafuffle at the front door of Omar Towers just before seven on Friday evening. Being very reserved, some would say ‘snobby’, I withheld my curiosity about what was going on downstairs and stayed upstairs in my own room that I do let the servants share with me. Eventually I ventured downstairs and could hear some heavy breathing interspersed with comments from my own servants along the lines of ‘God that is hard’, ‘No, that hurts too much…..I’m going to have to stop there’. I hesitated at the door into the sitting room where these sounds and comments were emanating from rapidly forming images in my mind. Curiosity won the battle with procrastination and I boldly walked in. My servants were being visited by a personal trainer servant who was putting them through their, if I may say so, very limited paces.
Alan RussellPublished 7 years ago in PetlifeOmar's Diary for October 2017
Some members of the servant species hold the firm belief that felines are a strain of their own species who just happen to wear fur coats. They believe we can empathize, comprehend abstract concepts, and have feelings. I understand the word the servants use for attributing their own characteristics on to species other than their own is "anthropomorphism."
Alan RussellPublished 7 years ago in PetlifeOmar's Diary 22nd September 2017
My goodness. How time has passed by since I introduced myself nearly a month ago. Man Servant, without any consultation with myself, has now acquired a new car which is now parked outside Omar Towers. It is not ‘new’ in the sense of coming straight from the factory but ‘new’ to him and he is very proud of it. From what I can see from my vantage point on the drawing room windowsill, it is a red cabriolet model of foreign design. As our end-of-summer weather has been so mild lately, he has been able to enjoy the full experience of driving with the roof down. I am not so sure that Lady Servant shares his enthusiasm for this style of motoring. Why, even this evening as they were both going out to get some Kibble for us felines, I distinctly heard Lady Servant tell him she was not going out unless the roof was up. From his point of view, it was a dry and sunny evening. From her point of view, it was getting dark and chilly. Her expression of disfavor won the argument, and they drove off with the roof up.
Alan RussellPublished 7 years ago in PetlifeOmar's Diary
Thank you for your time and allowing me to introduce myself to you. My name is "Omar." As you can see from my portrait, I am a feline of quality breeding, Tonkinese in fact, who has been used to the good things in life, lost them, and is slowly recovering them. Life has not always been kind to me. Before I settled into my current home I was, as George Orwell said about Paris, "down and out." I was not in Paris but in Bournemouth where I was rescued from my homeless plight by a voluntary organisation. They gave me refuge for a few days and then settled me into the place that I now call "home" here on the edge of The New Forest. I share my home with one other feline and two members of the servant species.
Alan RussellPublished 7 years ago in PetlifeMilky Smith
My sweet Milky Smith left me to fly with the bumblebees this morning. He was 11 calendar years old, which is two billion thirty million seven hundred thousand four hundred fifty-five centipede larval cycles for an equivalent and relatable frame of reference.
Fred KinslowPublished 7 years ago in Petlife