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What if cats took over the world?

by Katherine Nesbitt 5 months ago in satire · updated 5 months ago
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God help us all

"Good morning Karen," he said wickedly, sitting on her nightstand having been watching her sleep.

"Mr. Bigs? You can talk?" Karen rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Oh, I can do much more than talk." He was staring her down now. His eyes sharp as daggers.

"But you're just my house cat." Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

"Oh no Karen, I'm not just a house cat any more. I just won the presidential election. Turn on CNN if you don't believe me." He turned his head toward the T.V. challenging her to prove him wrong.

"How is that possible?" She shook her head, and pulled her covers up to her chin.

"Don't you know that the real reason we don't fund education in this country is because we actually don't want anyone to be able to think for themselves? I'm a little offended that you doubt my qualifications. You forget that this is the same country that elected Donald Trump, the Reality T.V. star." Mr. Bigs looked smug, as smug as a cat can look.

"But he was at least a person?" Karen's voice was panicked now, high pitched and squeaky.

"I hate to break it to you but cats have swept the nation. We're now in control of both houses of Congress, the entire Supreme Court and now with me, even the White House." He looked proud and certain of himself like a strong capable leader should be.

Mr. Bigs continued, leaning in close his face only inches from hers. "This isn't stopping at our borders. My advisors tell me cats are favored to take power in Canada and Mexico; either by force or peoples choice. And it's spreading. Rumor has it that even the Queen of England herself might concede the crown to her cat. God knows she can't stand any of her family. Why else would poor Prince Harry move to Los Angels of all God awful places."

"But I'm going to miss you so much."Karen started to cry. "Who's going to cuddle with me and watch Netflix? Who's going to screen my tinder dates to see if it's even worth leaving the house with them? Who am I going to sit on our porch with to silently judge our neighbors? Who's going to wake me up when I've had a bit too much wine and fallen asleep in the bathtub?" She was screaming and sobbing now.

"You know what I'm going to miss the most?" She said sniffling try to wipe away her tears. "Coming home from work and finding you asleep in my freshly done laundry! I don't know why? Your hair get's every where and I just have to wash the whole basket again but damn, it's the little things."

"Don't cry for me Karen." He pushed the tissue box on her nightstand toward her. She obliged grabbing a tissue and drying her eyes. She crumpled the tissue and threw it in the waste basket beside the bed. Then reaching for another tissue she blew her nose and tried to gather her composure.

Mr. Bigs walked over from the night stand and laid down on Karens pillow next to her face."I forgot to tell you the best part. You're coming with me to Washington. Who else could I trust to steam my milk? Who else has your fashion sense to pick out my adorable outfits? Who else could run my social media accounts? I'm counting on you Karen. I can't do this without you. I've lived a long life. What am I like eight by now? I gotta say, you and me have always been the best team."

satire

About the author

Katherine Nesbitt

I write novels, poetry, short stories, satire, speeches, commentary and will be releasing two audiobooks later this year.

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