satire
Pet parodies to help us hash out our pet peeves.
Climb to the Feast
As he gazed up onto the waterfall of cascading fabric he knew what he had to do. Preparing the muscles within his legs, he braced himself for the anticipation of making himself airborne, only to grip the surface that of which was his first challenge.
Thavien YliasterPublished 2 years ago in PetlifeVery costume. So Dogecoin. Much Sheba. Such adorbs. Wow.
Yes, okay, it’s me, Aiko Kitsune, all dressed up as a Dogecoin token. And yes, it’s embarrassing. My humans are normally so nice, so chill – and then this. I blame it on Elon Musk. It was bad enough his tweeting about Dogecoin going to the moon, but then he shows up on Saturday Night Live last May talking about it. I watched that episode with my humans. I think that’s what got the wheels turning.
Jules DavenPublished 2 years ago in PetlifeThe Ballad of Chuck and Roxanne: A Viking Tail
This little epic poem was inspired by the shenanigans of Charlie (the cat) and Roxi (the dog). These two are notorious beggars when it comes to food and Charlie especially is a bottomless pit, a black hole that devours everything in reach when the fancy strikes him. Roxi has always been an unwitting accomplice to Charlie’s wiles, but she certainly has her own sassy means of getting her way in the kitchen.
Sara LittlePublished 2 years ago in PetlifeA Raincoat for A Fish
There are some things that you do for fun. There are other things you do because you're serious about it, or passionate. There are things you do because it's your actual job, or pecause you're getting payment or recognition for it.
Natasja RosePublished 2 years ago in PetlifeAnimals my cat should take note from
I love my cat, I really do – but let’s face it, we all have room for improvement. For me, there are many things I want to improve upon, but for my cat, Navi, there’s just one thing.
Ten Things I Hate About You
Dear Mr. Sanderz, Do you want to know why I call you Mr. Sanderz? That was the name written over Winne the Pooh's door. My use is ironic. You're like Pooh would have been if he was a mogwai and someone fed him honey after midnight and he turned into a Gremlin. You have claws, sharp teeth and a bad attitude.
Liz SinclairPublished 2 years ago in PetlifeA Pittbull's Journal
June 3rd: Mom has been working from home for 4 months now. It’s great because I can sleep in or lay beside her on wherever she is, she gives us treats throughout the day, and I can go outside whenever I want. This last thing drives Mom crazy because I learned some new tricks from Tatiana.
Caitlin GonyaPublished 2 years ago in PetlifeDog confirmed as being ‘much more popular’ than owners
A particularly friendly and excitable dog is far and away the most popular member of a North Yorkshire family, according to sources close to the dog and its owners.
jamie hardingPublished 3 years ago in PetlifeA Lovable Terrorist
"HOLD IT! HOLD IT! HOLD IT!" I frantically carried my tiny, white puppy with outstretched arms. I ran with her up the stairs, through the house, out the door, down the stairs, and to the grass. I promptly released her and backed away like she was a bomb about to go off. She lifted her tail straight up, and with a shockingly accurate recreation of the Bellagio Fountain, produced a jet of pure liquid poo. "Phew! Made it." I sagged against the railing.
GingerellaPublished 3 years ago in Petlife- First Place in EmPAWyee of the Month Challenge
A Memo to My Dog, Who is Kind of a Slacker
TO: Nurmal "Buddy" Conaway RE: Your Job Performance Dear Nurmal, It has come to management's attention that your work performance has become sub-par since your last review, and I would like to address these issues in order to better maximize your full potential and ensure a successful future with the company.
Jessica ConawayPublished 3 years ago in Petlife Three Steps, To The Cottage Door
I crushed a leaf under my feet then paused. Did anyone hear that? I hope not. I mean what’s the point of being stealth if I’m crushing leaves the whole way. It was just one though, and the moon is still hanging in the sky, shining a thin white river along my path.
Tatayana ButcherPublished 3 years ago in PetlifeThe Chicken Thief
I could not remember the last time I tasted food. Had I ever been fed? Did these foolish humans ever think about my needs? Hardly. Despite my constant reminders, loud ones mind you, they always assured me 'You've already been fed! Stop trying to lie. You can't fool us!'
Heather MillerPublished 3 years ago in Petlife