What do I need to feel safe, held and supported during this challenging time?

I have spent a lot of my life finding a fake sense of security in places that should have been genuine. I have given many pieces of myself to provide safety and support for others, who really just took.

But during this particular time, I have engaged with a high stress environment, high stress individuals, and well- there's a lot going on in all aspects of my life. Even as I write this, I feel my head get increasingly itchy.

So, what is it that I need in order to feel safe, held, and supported during this challenging time?

For starters, I caught a cold and ran out of toilet paper. So the fact that my workplace has tissues really saved my ass (literally and figuratively). I can also stop blowing my Rudolph schnoz on paper towels. The joys of being a young adult living on their own, eh?

I would love to be held in a giant blanket burrito and for my partner to wipe my nose for me so that I don't have to remove my arms from under the toasty-ness. But since I don't have either at the moment (long distance sucks), the support my dog has been giving me in the mornings has been a blessing. Though he is not a cuddler, his morning enthusiasm and snuggles have been literally helping me start my day.

My smooshy-face doggo Zack has also been making me feel safe. At the end of a long day I know I can come home and he will be so excited about seeing me that it doesn't matter who made my day harder. He also makes me go outside and walk, which really also lifts my spirits.

I have to say too, that picking the Unsplash photo for the cover of this article really made me think of how I need to do that. I need to not just hold myself, but also take a break from everything around me. Which is usually quite hard, but considering I'm sick- everyone needs to stay away anyhow.

So, I ask myself this question again: what is it that I need in order to feel safe, held, and supported during this challenging time?

I need an understanding environment- nature.

I went for a walk through a different path today to get to the store and it was magical. I've been drowning my emotions in the song Je Te Laisserai Des Mots by Patrick Watson. I let it accompany me on my walk, I let it sing out to the trees; they waved and shimmied in return. I think it made me feel better. The air smelled so comfortingly crisp. Autumn is a blessing, even if it means things die.

I need to communicate how I feel without shame- writing.

Even writing out this piece is already helping to lift some of the elephant-ass-weight that's been straining my shoulders. I wrote a poem recently about 'home'. Thinking back on all the places I've lived, I return to nature to feel truly connected.

I know I also need to break out my typewriter that's been patiently waiting for me in my closet. Ironic, eh?

I know I have a lot to say, and writing on a typewriter is a whole other level of therapy.

Speaking of therapy and communicating, I have an appointment in two weeks. I know October can get tough, and I know there's a lot I need help processing.

It is always okay to ask for help.

But until then, I know there are things I can do, and people I can talk to in order to hold me. I will also add, that sometimes you need boundaries and less of something to be just as supported. If there's someone or something in my (or your) life that isn't contributing positively to my (or your) growth and healing, then it is not worth it.

It is always okay to ask for space.

~

So let's summarize:

To make me safe, supported, and feel held, I need toilet paper, a loving person, a loving embrace, a comforting connection, nature, and a few words to tie it all together.