Beach.

A beach.

Smelt of fresh saltwater and seaweed, not the yucky kind.

I could even slightly taste it in the air. It’s night time, and looking up, the stars glimmer so brightly.

I’m stargazing again like I did when I used to live in Darwin, Australia, and I can pinpoint every constellation in the sky.

Scorpio, Ophiuchus, Orion, Libra… Each star twinkling above me like magical fireflies paving my way.

I’m in a flowy dress that doesn’t constrict my body from the way I moves.

It goes down just to my thighs, right above my knees.

I’m barefoot; I can feel the cold wet sand sitting right under my feet and in between my toes.

I can hear the waves crash back and forth, as the shore reaches up to my toes and wets them.

I step forward and dip my feet into the water.

With every step, every friction as I push through, luminescent fish start to glow brighter and brighter as they swim around my ankles and tickle my toes.

Like little glowsticks squirming so freely in open water with no care in the world.

I kneel down, the cold sea wetting the tips of my dress with crystalized salt.

The way they crackle as I shift my dress left to right, flowing like the endless waves that wash me away. It's as though I'm slowly melting and merging myself into the ocean itself, just as Ariel when she turned into sea foam.

Do you remember that version?

She preferred to die than to kill the one she loved.

Sometimes I feel the same.

Placing my palms above the surface, I feel the ocean softly brushing itself over my hands and cooling myself.

Then a tingling sensation as the luminescence swim around my ankles and over towards my hands.

I cup them between my palms as I watch them swim around between my fingers, just before I let them go free once more.

Free creatures that roam the vast ocean but choose to swim by me.

I sit down, admiring my surroundings; the gusting wind as it plays with my hair, the open ocean blanketing my lower body, and looking up, a galaxy of stars upon stars that never end, I’m free.

No voices.

No sounds.

No screaming.

Just pure peace within me.

But I’m not alone.

I don’t want to be alone.

Someone’s next to me.

And that person could change ever so often.

Depending on how I feel or who I’m connected to.

Some days, I used to remember him.

Some days, I forget he exist.

I envision an imaginary friend for myself because it's better than to feel alone.

Nonetheless,

They sit by my side, not saying a word.

They don’t need to.

I lay my head against their shoulder. Closing my eyes, I can feel they’re wet palm slowly brush against my cheek and rubbing away the tears that trickle down my face.

When did that even happen?

When did I start crying?

The thing is that, everyday, I question myself the same thing over and over again.

When will I finally be happy.

God, when will it be my turn?

I've been patient enough, don't you think, every day living the way I do, just hoping you have something better installed for me.

I'm hoping this is all just my big character trope moment so that I grow stronger and wiser, because all this pain can't just be for nothing.

It hurts...

And upon laying in the cold wet sea, I can feel their hand brush over my salty tears.

As they coo whispers and wishes.

I’m not sad.

I’m calm.

Content.

Happy, peaceful.

Free.

They place a soft kiss on my forehead, pulling me closer to them.

“You’re strong. You’ll get better. It’s all going to be alright”.

For once, I’m no longer trembling.

I’m no longer in pain.

I can sit still and breathe.

I can think.

I’m free.