Be A True Comfort

Hard times don’t create heroes. It is during the hard times when the ‘hero’ within us is revealed. Bob Riley

One of the most important things you can do on this earth is to let people know they are not alone. Shannon L. Alder

Encouragement is like water to the soul; it makes everything grow. Chris Burkmenn

Life has many ways of creating hardships and difficult times for all. This unfortunately is part and parcel of life.

You have received help from a loved one in the past. Now feel inspired to learn more about how to be a comfort for others.

The people you love most too experience times of fear, pain and heartache. You would feel honored to be the person they turn to for comfort.

You need a little confidence boost to ensure mistakes aren’t made. That a difficult situation isn’t made worse.

Your heart is filled with compassion, tenderness, kindness and love. This is why you are striving your very best to be the comfort your loved ones need.

You remember how much easier difficult times are to endure when shared. This is one of the many reasons you want to comfort your loved ones.

The person who is hurting is of primary importance in these situations. You care enough to put her needs before yours always here. You have shared times of joy many times easily. It is not so simple when the tears she is shedding are of sorrow and heartache.

Your ambition is in comforting her and lightening her load. To ease her pain. She shows confidence in your love and caring which spans many years.

Maybe you might begin by helping her to understand why the pain is? Why her? Why now? Questions we all ask ourselves when bad times strike.

Simply by being present, caring and listening. Truly listening. While she tries to make sense of what is going on. She may even be able to understand and take hold of her emotions just a little.

You want to ease the pain and burden of your loved one. So you will sit patiently, silently and listen. Of course, with a box of tissues handy.

I find as my loved one is telling me of her sorrow. I at times ask her if I understand her correctly. Say in my own words what I think she is telling me. Allowing her to correct me as needed. After all, the main reason for this comfort is to lighten her load.

The Power of a Handwritten Note to Someone in Grief

She will feel you are really trying to understand her with the right tender questions at the right time.

Perhaps you can use a similar experience of your own to again validate your understanding. Don’t take over the conversation though.

Remember these precious moments are about her. Not you. Your past experience is used as empathy and understanding. Not to tell a tale of your sorrows.

If she, when talking about her difficulties again bursts into tears. Don’t do what may come naturally and react with “don’t cry”. She needs to cry. Needs this emotional release. Remember these precious moments are about her. Not about you feeling a little awkward.

Offer a tissue and a tender touch if appropriate. The tears will stop when her emotions have settled.

If a situation is particularly difficult. Your loved one may not be ready to share words. This too is okay. When she is ready a gentle holding of her hand or a tender hug. But only when she is ready.

This moment is for her. You certainly don’t want to make things worse.

What is paramount throughout these precious few moments is your reassurance that you care. You truly are sorry for her time of sadness.

When she actually says she is feeling a little better after sharing this time. You can promise to be there for her again if needed. Of course, it is vital this promise is kept. She is particularly vulnerable at this time.

One very important thing that was shown during these moments of comfort. You proved to her she is not alone. This is oh so important. You have listened to what she said. By truly listening and understanding you again proved you cared for her. This sincere care did indeed help her feel a little better.

When the time is right and she is ready. A few words of thanks from you. Words to show her just how much she means to you. How honored you are to be the person she turned to for comfort. This is what you are thankful for.

She showed trust and confidence in you. Your loved one is in a very difficult time. She opened her heart and soul to you. Confident that she would be heard, understood and comforted. This is an honour you want to thank her for.

Remember it is not easy for her to open her heart to you. To bear her emotions. To admit she needed your help.

She finds the courage and strength to speak from her heart.

You find the patience and wisdom to truly listen, understand and empathize.

You are going to take one giant leap further. Remembering of course only when she is able and ready.

You are going to cheer her up. You have known each other for many years. So, you feel she is now ready for a cheer up. To show her that you really care you wish to go this one step further.

You desire to bring happiness back to her life. If only for a short time.

Your relationship spans many years and you know her well. Therefore, you are confident of what she loves most in life. Her pleasures lie in the simple things in life. Nothing too complicated or fancy.

You ask her if she would enjoy a picnic in her favourite park. In the company of your two beloved dogs of course. The smile on her face and the sparkle in her eyes bear testimony to the ‘yes’ this would be grand!

So a picnic in the park it is. The blanket is laid out on the grass. The lovingly prepared lunch is laid out between the two of you. Your two beloved dogs barking and enjoying each other's company. You have hit a winner here, haven’t you?

And the laughter from your loved one is grander than any jackpot!

All troubles are put aside and forgotten on this sunny day.

This day of cheer and love shared by two people who genuinely care for each will live in memory. The bond between you strengthened even more.

She will speak without words her thankfulness for this magical time. It was more than a meal — a picnic. It was the effort you put into the planning and preparation. The love and care you showed her in her time of need.

Will she remember, yes? Possibly more than the hurt or pain. This is another miracle of love. Love at times erases hurt and pain. Replaces them with tenderness, kindness, compassion and love.

This article is also published in Medium.

https://medium.com/@dianemarkey920/be-a-true-comfort-1598b435c852

If anything at all this article was fascinating or interesting to you.

Please do drop me a comment, Diane Markey.