ABOUT MY MENTAL WELLNESS

I have always been a worrier. I’m the type of person to think about what could go wrong and pour over the potential for disaster. I often felt like worrying gave me a sense of control and it provided me with some level of temporary security.

For example, about three weeks ago I felt a mild temperature and general discomfort. Immediately, I thought COVID-19 had visited me again. Much against my will, I rethought the damages the malady had caused to the country, the countless deaths, an ex-president mouthing that the plague would disappear in ten days, and I recalled the pains and agony I went through two years ago.

I usually keep to myself and try to avoid people. But one day as I walked my dog, I sat down on a public bench across from the Sloan Kettering Memorial Hospital on 1st Avenue and 67th Street. Aha! I thought. “I got the accursed virus right there! People who visit the hospital go to that little park. They rest. They cough, they sneeze, they moan, etc.”

I was a nervous wreck. And like a distressed hypochondriac I felt all the pains and discomfort I had felt two years ago when I contracted that miserable virus. Hands trembling, heart beating with salsa rhythm, and eyes watery, I made an urgent appointment to see my doctor at the VA Hospital, since I am a Vietnam Veteran.

All the worry was for naught!

My doctor — who by the way is a knockout — did some tests and told me I was in perfect health: blood analysis was ok, COVID test proved negative, and that I shouldn’t worry to the point of obsession. “Don’t work yourself into a tizzy, Marciano,” she said. “I’ve known you for a few years, and you have always been in good spirits. And well-humored. Just think good thoughts.”

The doctor’s remarks made me whole again. I felt terrific. No pains. No discomfort. So, as I was out the door, I told my doctor: “I never told you this, but I think you look like one of those James Bond girls.” Her jaw dropped and looked at me in disbelief that a patient could be so brazen.

I was in the hall when she came out of her office and yelled, “Hilarious, Mr. Guerrero! But I like you better when you are not worried.” I didn’t stop or replied. I somehow knew she had enjoyed my brazen compliment.

So, what should one do about worrying?

Worrying is an unhealthy way to engage the brain. It brings about anxiety and Paranoia.

The remedy I found was quite simple, yet powerful. Instead of worrying about what could go wrong, I had to re-frame my thoughts to a moment that had given me the most happiness in life.

I raked my brain for days,

Then it came to me!

That moment of euphoria was when I had witnessed the birth of my children. The feeling of joy that had accompanied that precious moment was like nothing else. I can still remember the sound of their cries and the sensation of my heart filling with love and awe. I could feel an overwhelming emotion of joy and contentment coursing through my veins, and it slowly replaced the feeling of worry that was so familiar to me.

This renewed perspective was enough to break me from the stronghold of worry and dread that had plagued me in the past. I now understand that, while the sensation of worry may make you feel momentarily secure, it is no match for the strength of genuine joy.

The strength of joy lasts far longer than mere worry, and with it comes a much more powerful sensation of security and serenity. By focusing on moments of joy, I could be free from the shackles of worry and anxiety.