You Malapropism is Showing

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." ~Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

This little bit of fun was inspired by an article by the very talented Harmony Kent, about homonyms and similar word comparisons that often cause trouble for writers. It's a very well written, informative piece that's more than worth the time to read. It's also the first in a series I'm sure you'll want to follow, so please, go read it:

As an editor, it's part of my job to find instances where my clients have stumbled over one of the little troublemakers Harmony writes about. It tends to happen in ways that make me laugh, which is one of the reasons I'm glad my clients don't watch me work. (The fact that I have a VERY relaxed dress code is another, but I digress.)

Now, please understand, I'm not out to shame anyone. Malapropisms happen to the best of us, and to me, too. So, I just thought I'd share some of the fun, and hope my warped sense of humor doesn't make you unsubscribe.

Before I start, let me offer my own definition of that dangerous-sounding term in the title for those who don't know, with apologies to those that do: A malapropism is simply the use of the wrong word in a sentence, often because it sounds much like the right word. I'll go out on a limb here (Like I've never done that before, eh?) and say that it applies to the written word as well as speech.

Ok, ready? Buckle up, Buttermilk! (See what I did there?) Here we go!

“Bare with me.”

This has to be my favorite, by far, for two reasons: First, it's an open invitation to “get nekkid” with the writer, which I'm going to turn down. I probably don't know the person THAT well, and even if I did, the ensuing laughter would be bad for my ego.

Second, It can be a fun phrase, even with the right word, “bear.” “There's a bear with you? Why?” But, yes, one of the definitions of the word “bear” suits this scenario.

Ok, enough about that one. Let's bring our thoughts to bear (What a versatile word that is!) on another one:

“I could care less.”

To be fair, this is a true statement. Unfortunately, it sort of leaves me waiting for a punchline that isn't coming. I could care less, too, and so could anyone else I know. I could also care more. But what's your point? Now, if you tell me, “I couldn't care less,” then I know your give-a-damner just isn't engaged. “Couldn't.” “Could not.” “It's not possible.” (to care less.)

It's the futility of trying to argue this one that leaves me chuckling.

“prostrate problems”

Yeah. So you either have a problem with falling down (“Help, I can't get up”) or something you don't want to be prostrate, is. (“Help, I can't -” well, never mind.)

“taken for granite”

I'm amazed at how often I see and hear this one. On the other hand, I have to admit that “taken for granted” is a little harder to define, partly because the words, “taken” and “granted” can be “taken” to mean different things. I've had to work very hard to keep myself from using this in response to statements like, “He/She is my rock.”

“a little antidote”

I always feel a little sad about having to correct this one. After all, “anecdote” looks – and sounds like it was misspelled. It doesn't exactly “roll off the tongue.” You kinda' have to push it off with that hard “c.” Still, when I see this one, I have to wonder just how toxic whatever I read just before it was.

I'm going to leave it at that for now. Some things, like good-natured ribbing, are best given in small doses. I'm absolutely sure that there are plenty of other examples of fun malapropisms out there I'm forgetting, and I'd love to hear your favorites! Leave some in the comments so we can all have a good laugh!

By the way, if you didn't go read Harmony's article up there, do it! Now! Thanks for the inspiration, Harmony!

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