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The Diva's Diary - 1

An account of post-Apocalyptic existence in the bunker

By Lana V LynxPublished 13 days ago 4 min read
DALL-E image of a diva running out of her products

*****

Day 1 (June 6, 2026)

OMG, it’s, like, soooo boring in this bunker! Don’t get me wrong, it has, like, everything I need (for now). But what am I gonna do if I, like, run out of my emergency stash of products or outfits? That’s, like, a total nightmare!

My hubby spent years building this place just for us. It's, like, right under our fave Malibu mansion. Literally just one long elevator ride down. But OMG, it’s sooo lonely here! I haven’t even been here a full day and I already feel, like, totally cut off from the whole world. Especially my Insta followers. They must be, like, totally lost without my posts! I can’t even check because all social media are down. Hubby says it will take forever to fix them. Ugh!

Who knows how many people survived up there? I have no idea what really happened. There were these, like, horrible loud rumblings in the middle of the night. I was sleeping with my pure silk and cashmere lavender-infused eye mask on, and it didn’t help when I took it off because the power was already out. So, I couldn’t see anything. All I remember is my hubby like yanking me out of our luxurious bed with silky cooling sheets and dragging me to the bunker.

At first, I thought it was one of his robbery drills. He’s, like, so paranoid because we’re so rich. He does these drills all the time, like once a month, so I “know what to do.” Right? Good thing we have no kids—those pesky little monsters would make everything so much harder. I’ve seen how my gal pals struggle with them. So, thank you but no thank you. No kids for me. Especially like I don’t know how long we’ll have to stay here. Proly long, but hopefully not forever.

But this time, it wasn’t a drill. Something was, like, totally different. I’ve never seen my hubby so… not scared, because he’s never scared, my handsome brave man, but like, rushed and nervous. There were sounds of, like, something big and hissing flying in the air, trees falling, and the ground shaking. So scary! I was glad we got to the bunker.

It’s an exact copy of our Central Park apartment in Manhattan. Hubby made it this way, so it feels like home. It’s completely autonomous. Hubby is so proud, saying it’ll work even if everything else on Earth is, like, totally gone because of some secret tech only, like, five people on the planet know about. It helps when your hubby is a multibillionaire and friends with Elon Musk and Sergei Brin.

He left me here for a meeting. His billionaire pals also have their own bunkers here, like, all connected by tunnels. So they’re all meeting up. Like, what could they possibly be talking about? Proly some boring stuff about making more money. Or saving humanity, ha-ha-ha.

Apparently, they’ve known about this Apocalypse thing for, like, ages. Don’t ask me how—they have their ways. They’ve been building these bunkers for 20 years, stashing them with everything we need for, like, 100 years. It’s an entire underground city for the rich and powerful, with schools and hospitals and even greenhouses. So we should be, like, totally safe.

I’m typing this on my old iPad because, like, nothing else is working. No Internet connection, no phones, no computers. Nothing! That’s why I started writing this down. It’s soooo boring here! I can’t talk to anyone, can’t get online, can’t get to my Insta account!

At first, I couldn’t even figure out what to eat. You can’t order delivery to the bunker! But then I found a pizza in the freezer. Good thing I still remember how to microwave things. It’s nothing like my usual gourmet pizza, but edible. After I ate it, I had to spend like two hours exercising, to keep the fat off.

I’m so sick and tired of checking every minute if the computers and phones are working! No such luck.

At home, I had, like, an army of help making my life comfortable and worry-free. We couldn’t bring any of them to the bunker, hubby said. I wonder if they’re even still alive. I can’t find out because the TV doesn’t work either! OMG, I don’t even know if my parents are OK. Hubby doesn’t have to worry, his parents are both long gone now. I need to ask him to find out if Mom and Dad are still alive.

It’s 11 pm, I’m going to bed.

OMG, it’s sooo boring and lonely here!!!

*****

I've been musing this project since December last year, and only now that I'm done with teaching for the summer finally started writing it up. I really like the new trend here on Vocal, of writers asking other writers for hints and suggestions. This is a story of a diva in extremely difficult (for her) circumstances, so I would greatly appreciate any suggestions of hardships she might be going through, trying to adjust to the life in the bunker.

We still don't know why and for how long she ended up there, so we can be really creative in this exercise. I'll drop one hint for the next installment: Her husband's laptop is synced with the diva's iPad and he can read what she is writing in her diary in real time.

Grateful for any suggestions, please write them in the comments.

SatireWitSatiricalParodyGeneralFunnyFamily

About the Creator

Lana V Lynx

Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist

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Comments (6)

  • Denise E Lindquist2 days ago

    How about her crying because she has split ends and can't see her beautician? Or she broke a nail. And her husband forgot to bring her favorite pillow brand. There are no photos of her family. There is nothing wrong but a thunderstorm and the husbands decide to try this in case it happens someday and their important meetings are them checking in about how it is going. Now, having said that, you should know I am terrible at fiction.😉😊😂💕

  • Oh, I hate this character so much which means that you've written her perfectly! Tech Addiction is a real deal here, isolation, and cabin fever. If you add the diary being read, it could become paranoia as well. Of course, you can go into all the things that can go wrong in a situation like this and the mayhem that would inevitably proceed from there. If you want this character to be more of a Hero, she could gain wisdom from all the privilege she had and now does not have access to, it could start off bratty but become genuine over time. There are a lot of interesting potential directions here!

  • God she is so annoying, lol. But I like that fact that she doesn't like children either hehehehehe. As for suggestions, how about all her teeth and hair fall out? That too much? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Angelia Pa13 days ago

    You are so good at satire! You, like, captured her paranoia slowly building up. I would love to see how you build existential angst into it!

  • L.C. Schäfer13 days ago

    I love this, her voice is perfect 🤩

  • Andrea Corwin 13 days ago

    I love your satires! Ideas: his toupee; maybe a swimming pool in there and how she hates the get togethers with the fat old guys in their speedo swimsuits. The library and what books are in it (as if any of them read books).The horrors of her fake nails coming off.

Lana V LynxWritten by Lana V Lynx

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