General
Apologies for the Killing and Persecution and Whatnot. Top Story - April 2026.
Dear Science, Hello old friend. Speaking of old, how old are you now, like 500 years or something? I know that feels old, but trust me, it's nothing, wait until you hit 10,000 or even 50,000 years like me. That's when the old bones start creaking for sure. How have you been? I know it has been a while since we last talked, but I wanted to write you now to apologize for several incidents in the past that I may have been at least partly, if not totally responsible for. Unfortunately at least one of these incidents resulted in the death of a fairly solid fellow by the name of Hypatia of Alexandria. You may not remember since it was a bit before your time, but he was was killed by a Christian mob way back in 415. I took the blame for it even though it may have been politics that was more responsible than myself. Also, he wasn't technically a scientist but rather a philosopher and mathematician so probably I don't need to apologize to you, but I am doing it in any case because I no longer have contact info for either math or philosophy. I had your address in my old Iphone address book for some reason and figured you were close enough and could accept my apology on their behalf. Please pass the message along the next time you speak to either of them. You are still friends with them right? As I recall you were always really close with math though you and philosophy had quite a number of altercations over the years though nothing like all the crazy fights we've had, am I right?
By Everyday Junglist6 months ago in Humor
The Great Vocal Top Story Rubics:
Listen, you absolute lunatics of the keyboard. You’ve been staring at your screen, haven’t you? You’ve been mainlining caffeine until your pulse started playing the drum solo from "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," all while refreshing your Vocal dashboard like it’s a ticker-tape machine predicting the apocalypse. You’ve written your hearts out. You’ve bled onto the digital parchment. You’ve curated sentences so beautiful they should be illegal in at least four states. And yet? Silence. Alone in the dark with thousands of other mysterious & faceless legions of the lexicon.
By Meko James 6 months ago in Humor
Mom, Aren't You Glad I'm Not Addicted to Drugs?. Top Story - April 2026.
"Mom, I apologize for how difficult it has been having a daughter with a drug and alcohol problem. I always thought it was him, and now I know it was important to take a look at my own use and abuse."
By Denise E Lindquist7 months ago in Humor
Miami Beach and the Great Fabric Shortage: A Thong Gone Too Far?
FABRIC SCARCITY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE In a world where jeans once reigned supreme and “coverage” meant something, the state of Florida is having a thread famine. Places like Miami Beach decided to flip the script and the waistband. Somewhere between Key West boat ramps and the wild vortex known as Haulover Inlet, humanity is collectively experiencing “inattentional blindness” to fabric.
By The Pompous Post7 months ago in Humor
How To Be Intimidating
Ah, intimidation. Wouldn’t we all love to have the ability to do it? Those with the capacity to be intimidating are powerful. They scare others into submission, bend minds and mindsets to their will, and can even get away with heinous crimes and deeds that would likely land most behind poles of steel with possible mini-warzones behind them.
By Snarky Lisa7 months ago in Humor
Jerald's Custom Order. Runner-Up in Sorry About That Challenge.
“Thank you for calling Angel Food’s Devil Cake Bakery. Our hours of operation are Monday through Friday 6am until 3pm and Saturday and Sunday 8am until 2pm. For information on our delicious homemade breads, cakes, and other goods press 1. To place an order for a custom cake press 2…”
By Amos Glade7 months ago in Humor
DATING APPS – THE USED CAR LOT OF LOVE (NOW WITH MORE MILEAGE AND LESS HOPE)
WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL AUTO MALL OF DESPAIR Welcome to modern romance, where love is no longer found in smoky bars or awkward setups from your aunt. It’s parked on a virtual lot next to a thousand other vehicles, all shouting: “Low mileage! Great paint job! Serious inquiries only!”
By The Pompous Post7 months ago in Humor
A Formal Apology, Offered in Good Faith and Roughly Chronological Order
To Whom It May Concern (and you all concern me, deeply, which is part of the problem): I want to begin by saying that I am sorry. Genuinely. From the bottom of whatever is left of my heart after this week, which, and I want to be transparent about this, was not entirely my fault, though I acknowledge that the parts that were my fault were significantly my fault.
By RC Adamson7 months ago in Humor
