Jerald's Custom Order

“Thank you for calling Angel Food’s Devil Cake Bakery. Our hours of operation are Monday through Friday 6am until 3pm and Saturday and Sunday 8am until 2pm. For information on our delicious homemade breads, cakes, and other goods press 1. To place an order for a custom cake press 2…”

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“Thank you for requesting a custom order. Please leave your name and the details of your request after the tone. One of our amazing bakers will call back during business hours at the earliest convenience to confirm your order.”

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“Hi, yes, my name is Jerald. I’d like to place an order for a white sheet cake with lemon filling and cream cheese frosting. I want the message on top to read, ‘I’m sorry I forgot to pick you up after your double shift at work and you had to walk home.’ Thank you.”

“Thank you for calling Angel Food’s Devil Cake Bakery. Our hours of operation are Monday through Friday 6am until 3pm and…”

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“Hi, Jerald from earlier. I’d like to make an adjustment to the order I placed not long ago. I’d like it to be a white sheet cake with cherry filling and maybe decorate the top with some of those maraschino cherries? Please change the message on top to say, ‘I’m very sorry I ate three of the brownies you made, I forgot they were heavily medicated for your grandma’s glaucoma, and you had to walk home in the dark.’ Thank you.”

“Thank you for calling Angel Food’s Devil Cake Bakery. Our hours of…”

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“Hi, Jerald again. I want to make sure this cake is perfect so I have another adjustment. Maybe just delete my earlier messages and start again with this one. I’d like to order a lemon sheet cake with cherry filling and maybe decorate the top with candied flowers. The message on top to say, ‘I am extremely sorry I ate half of the brownies you made, I forgot they were heavily medicated, and then you had to walk home in the dark. When you got home I was sitting on the stairs and you could see me through the glass in the door but you didn’t have your keys and I was too stoned to move and stared back at you with a very blank expression.’ Thank you.”

“Thank you for calling Angel Food’s Devil Cake Bakery…”

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*DING*

“Jerald here! Change the cherries to raspberries please and instead of cream cheese frosting I think she really likes the lavender cream frosting you have, let’s use that, oh, and double whatever you would usually do for the candied flowers. Can you add some gold flakes or something to it too? Jazz it up. No changes to the message on top, but can you add ‘I’ll pay for the window you broke with a rock’?”

“Thank you for calling…”

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*DING*

“Your friend, Jerald! Last call, I promise. Let’s see: Lemon sheet cake, raspberry filling, lavender cream frosting, double candied flowers and gold flake, I want the final message to read: ‘I am extremely sorry I ate half of the brownies you made, I forgot they were heavily medicated, and then you had to walk home in the dark. I am very sorry that when you got home I was sitting on the stairs and you could see me but I was too stoned to move and stared at you with a very blank expression. It’s okay that you broke a window to get in, but I am most sorry that the neighbors thought you were breaking in and called the cops and they arrested you.’ Thank you”

“Thank you…”

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*DING*

“Jerald again! No big changes. I just wondered if you thought it might be reasonable to bake a file into that cake?”