Mom, Aren't You Glad I'm Not Addicted to Drugs?

"Mom, I apologize for how difficult it has been having a daughter with a drug and alcohol problem. I always thought it was him, and now I know it was important to take a look at my own use and abuse."

Joanna, that is what I told my mom. Now you come along with this. How serious is this? "Well, Mom, we just hatched 9 chicks to go along with 12 others, and a Rooster. Then I had Austin pick me up another baby chick and a goose."

"That was just for Dave."

Dave wanted a goose?

"No, Mom, it was just to tease him. He doesn't want anymore chickens, as there is already too much shit he says. But he knows that is what it means to have good eggs. We free roam."

Joanna, is this my fault? Living with me you became an addict? Some people say it is inherited. And you come from two parents that were addicted. I'm guessing chickens won't kill you though, right?

"Mom, relax, it isn't that bad. Really! I love how they all follow me around as soon as I get there and as soon as I walk out the door, zoom, they are right there by me, following me everywhere."

Joanna, this isn't because I wouldn't let you have pets when you were growing up is it?

"Mom, now that is ridiculous. This really has nothing to do with you." We got to have a break from all the eggs for the winter though and now they are back. We had to have more chicks, in case we get a rooster or two. We really just needed a few more. But there is no guarantee."

"With free roaming the chickens, there are always predators that can get a few. And that is what happened last year. Remember when we first got chickens? We lost all of them to those coyotes within a few weeks' time. Even with a nice chicken coop."

Yes, I remember. How many years have you had chickens now? I remember when Austin and Logan would carry them around under their arms, pointing their beaks like guns. Is that when you decided to let them have water guns?

"Yes, Mom. I thought no gun play was a good idea, but I think living up north on the range, encourages gun play, especially when their Grandma and Grandpa have a shooting range."

Oh no, that's my fault too. How about I just make an apology for everything I have ever done to make your life miserable, and your children's and for everything in the future, right here, right now?

"Oh, Mom! You are so silly! I don't blame you for anything. I had a good life as a kid and continue to have a good life as an adult. I love you and wouldn't want any other mother. Well, maybe a rich one that was going to leave me a few million may be nice, but other than that, you are the best!"

Dave said that you almost threw out some of your chicks?

"Yes, we thought six was it, and then two more had started the peep hole. Okay, I don't remember what it is called. Their first peck to break out. There is a name for that."

I don't care to learn anything more about chicks than I have to. John wanted them until I reminded him of the shit. Then I told him that we can probably get all of the eggs we need from you, now that you increased your herd? Is herd the right name?

Okay, one last apology. Let me know if I can help with your latest addiction. I do know something about addiction you know. I'm sure you haven't heard that before. I apologize for that too!