Persistent Quality Problems Threaten To Sink Burgeoning No-Tie Shoelace Industry

Author's preface: For more on this topic see my previous award winning review here of some of the top no tie laces available today.

The rapidly expanding and highly profitable no-tie shoe lace industry announced a slow down in revenue for the third quarter this year. That marks the first time the sector has seen a decrease in revenue growth since investors first began tracking those numbers in aggregate in 2015. Market analysts blame a "host of quality problems" for the big slowdown and warn that things could get much worse for the industry if it does not get its quality house in order soon. Analyst Mark Whalers of Attest Marketing, a globally recognized leader in market analysis, said the following in a recorded commentary prepared for investors and later released to media outlets.

"It is unfortunate that today we have seen the net result of an industry that has become almost as lazy as its primary customers. The slow down in revenue in the no tie shoelace industry should come as no surprise to leaders in the space who have continually downplayed and underfunded their quality departments and instead invested heavily in marketing and R&D. We understand the impetus to do so given the level of intense competition in the market, and previously indicated support for this approach. However, the resultant massive degradation in product quality suggests the industry needs to recalibrate its internal spend and refund their quality departments to a significant degree. While one might expect that persons who are too lazy or ignorant to tie their own shoelaces might be a more forgiving group, it turns out that when it comes to complaining, they have ample energy and brainpower to spare. They are making their voices heard and have slammed social media outlets with a barrage of bitter complaints and even some threats of violence. In particular they are targeting the Chinese where most of these products are produced and anti-Asian sentiment has reached a fever pitch. There has been some pretty ugly stuff posted, even for the internet. The level of rancor is such that it has raised American/Chinese tensions and could threaten already tenuous relations between the two superpowers. It would be ironic if no tie shoe laces were the trigger for a new global financial cold war, but unless things calm down, this most unlikely of scenarios could come to pass, and trigger a global economic crisis the likes of which the world has never seen."

Reacting to the statement a spokesmen for the Chinese manufacturer Creative Shoelaces, makers of no tie laces that "Apply to Adult, Child and The Elders" My Lien Dao said the following.

"This so called slow down in revenue is nothing more than capitalist plot to disrupt yet another Chinese manufacturing industry that is threatening American jobs. Our manufacturing processes are more lean, less wasteful, and simply superior in all aspects to any others across the globe. Moreover, our compensation packages featuring hourly salaries of up to $0.001/hr + 0.00101% profit share per unit manufactured, are in the top 0.000002% of all wages globally, easily outpacing Vietnam, Cambodia or even Thailand. Lazy Americans who can't tie their own shoelaces can't manufacture them either. "

Manufacturer XinPi Heavy Manufacturing Concern of Beijing, China, makers of the SevenUp elastic shoe tie syatem, also weighed in. The SevenUP shoe tie system was recently acquitted of all charges in a trademark infringement lawsuit brought by PepsiCo in the United States who claimed the company had stolen the name of their famous SevenUp soda for their no tie laces. Spokesmen Xi Wing of XenPi said the following in a heavily government censored prepared statement

"The SevenUp no tie shoe lace system is perfect for everyone. All ages can enjoy the comfort of this no tie shoe laces from kids to adults, and to seniors. Parents will never concern about kids’ laces coming down. Kids love the metal ring and toggles. Adults save a lot more time, never need tie laces again. Bending over, a dangerous position for the elders and back or waist sore people. Now, all solved. Also, great choice for sensitive feet or those who is recovering from foot injury. Also, the name is a totally original invention of the company founder and not at all related to the US based carbonated beverage which shares a similar name, but provides no added benefit to the sore wasted or the elders."

It remains to be seen what the next chapter will bring in this rapidly developing story, but one thing seems certain, consumers too lazy or ignorant to tie their own shoelaces will be right in the middle of the storm.