MERGETROID MINING CORP. ULC

The below tongue-in-cheek fact sheet is part of an ongoing serial comedy story about Dick Dodgers Space Faring Paranormal Investigator (1st Class... so he claims). Dick Dodgers is a campy sci-fi space romp wherein the intrepid investigator is working on the Case of the Orgasmic Organism. For a look at the actual story, check...

https://vocal.media/fiction/dick-dodgers

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Mergetroid: A Dick Dodgers SFPI Educational Interlewd.

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Planet Mergetroid is 2.189 parsecs Coreward of the Nerveana Spiral Arm. It is a midsize planet massing about 0.986 EMU (Earthly Mass Units). Note: This mass is decreasing at approximately 0.002 EMU per GSC (Galactic Standard Century) due to extremely extensive strip mining. Experts claim that Mergetroid will eventually crumble to dust and drift off into space – Probably becoming a part of the Magellanic Clouds.

MERGETROID MINING CORPS, ULC (Unlimited Licentious Corporation) [MMC-ULC]: Owner/Operators and sole progenitors of planet Mergetroid.

Population: Sparse

MMC-ULC History:

Mergetroid Mining Corp was incorporated GSY 1989, its founders having immigrated from Heaven to Mergetroid due to “not enough promiscuity” allowed by charters of the local personal entertainment industry on planet Heaven. Heaven is widely renowned as a pleasure planet…

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**Note: For more on Heaven see ‘Dick Dodgers SFPI: Educational Interlewd: A Heavenly Fact Sheet”

https://vocal.media/poets/dick-dodgers-sfpi-educational-interltude

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The original MMC founders were said to trace their ancestry back to the Seven Dwarven Pickers & Mining (SDP&M) Co., LLC., on old earth. SDP&M was incorporated in the United Nation of DizzKnee. Said founders were miners of rare gems and precious minerals. They also were known to occasionally take in lost and foundlings. The founding members of SDP&M were reportedly fond of a recreational enhancement drug called White Snow which they were reportedly said to partake of daily. Said progenitors were known to be reclusive – living in a mining shack in an enchanting forest (their words – the author of this guide is not sure of the exact nature of the alleged enchantment).

NOTE: Given the reclusive and lonely nature of the Seven MMC-ULC progenitors of SDP&M, they were rumored to often book/reserve female entertainment. Records show that these men were repeatedly heard greeting their guests with the salutation of “Hi HO, Hi HO!” and offering bearded dragon rides.

Note: This apparently referred to the dragon owned by a nearby hermit named Pete. Pete charged a nominal fee for persons to ride his tame dragon.

Popular lore had it that the wildlife in said enchanted woods tended to be overly friendly. Many reports had been made to local authorities that various avian, rodentia, and other forest creatures had been seen in compromising positions with young human females who would wander into their domain. It is not certain if possibly the surrounding human population was into bestiality or merely inappropriate petting.

Main Export: Mergetroidum. A crystalline substance used to refine spaceship engine fuels. Mergetroidum refined fuels are mostly used for high-end, ultra-performance space racer yachts requiring a low hydrogen/helium concentration. Mergetroidium is mined mainly via automated labor and explosive excavation as it is found deep within the planetary crust of planet Mergetroid. Also, mergetroidum particulate dust is known to cause hallucinatory episodes on most mammalian species, including humans.

Due to extensive strip mining [Note: lack of oxygen combined with the hallucinatory effects of mergetroidium dust often caused the original human laborers to be found naked and shafted] of the planet the corporate headquarters were forced to enact safety rules requiring workers to wear respirator masks. Given the high percentage of lost and (usually) found nude strip miners the board of directors of MMC switched to primarily artificial labor circa GSY 2001. The official statement of policy claimed it was the start of a Space Odyssey. The author of the statement was listed as one C. Clarke.

Note: No officially documented employee rosters ever listed an author C. Clarke as being an employee of MMC.

CORPORATE SLOGAN: MMC – GET SHAFTED BY US