Carry On S1 E7 • Ju-Ju

FADE IN

INT. SUCHIN’S OFFICE - DAY

SUCHIN leans back and puffs on a vaporizer. She hears rustling and looks to blow away the vapor. The door opens. Enters BARTHOLOMEW.

BARTHOLOMEW [WIDE-EYED]

Good morning ma’am.

SUCHIN [PRETENDING TO BE SLEEP]

What time is it?

BARTHOLOMEW [STILL INTENSE, AWARE]

It’s time for us to go to the range.

SUCHIN

Jesus! I thought that wasn’t until another few weeks.

BARTHOLOMEW

You marked it on your calendar, ma’am. Digital, Internet, you circled the date on your calendar above your desk.

SUCHIN [EXASPERATED]

Okay, okay. Jesus. I don’t need to know my other failings. I’m trying to go for expert this time around.

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s okay, ma’am. We might get at least one pizza box during our careers. I happen to have been an expert in rifle and pistol my entire time I’ve been firing.

SUCHIN [TIRED]

What do you want a med…I guess the badge could count as a decoration or an award. Anyway, let’s go to Old Man Straight Laced and see what he’s going to fire.

INT. FINNEY’S OFFICE - DAY

FINNEY is on the Internet looking at tips and pointers to keep his expert streak going after having achieved a sharpshooter designation on the rifle and pistol last go-around.

SUCHIN bursts through his doors.

Good morning, how are you doing, how’s the wife and kids…what are you doing?

FINNEY

I’m just getting myself ready for the range. The Air Force does things differently on this base. I mean, there are Marines administering the qual, but their going by Air Force standards.

SUCHIN

I hope you study well then, because they’re going to be batshit crazy with the scoring.

FINNEY

I’m not worried. As long as I get this cross off of my chest.

SUCHIN [amusingly]

Hmm….What a pity. I was just getting used to it.

FINNEY grins but doesn’t laugh.

Ha-ha. So are you and Bartholomew going to go over there together, or were you waiting for me?

SUCHIN

We were waiting for our fearless leader to traverse us across the marksman deck.

FINNEY

Well, you both better get a move on and act like you know. I’m leaving this office in half an hour.

SUCHIN clicks her heels together and whirls her hand out in front of her in a half-bow.

FINNEY

Alright, play games. Do what you must, but I’m serious. I’m leaving with the quickness out of here and if you’re left behind, then that’s on you.

SUCHIN reads the diploma on FINNEY’s wall broadcasting that he graduated from New Sweden University, Wilmington, Delaware.

Didn’t you grow up in Newark, Delaware?

FINNEY folds his hands behind his head.

Yes.

SUCHIN

This is like an all-around homecoming for you, then. This is Delaware all over the place: Newark, Wilmington, Dover. Goddamn, you’re all about the state aren’t you. Did you do this on purpose? Did you try to get assigned at the Base in order to complete some sort of Delaware ritual?

FINNEY sighs.

It’s not even close to what you think. I grew up in a small town. I went to school in a small city. The Corps sent me around the world. And I just happen to end up on this soil once again. There is no God but God really blessed me, wouldn’t you say?

SUCHIN

Sure. Blessed you, right. I mean you’ve got the family life you’re able to go home to, now. That’s an upgrade. Not everybody has that. [She looks upward and away in dramatic fashion]

FINNEY

You can cut the mawkish behavior––look, we’ve got to be going over to the range pretty soon. I’m taking my car. If anyone wants to ride with me, then I need AIS as early as possible.

SUCHIN

I’ll get Lonnie and we can then go with you. I mean, if you don’t think we’re bad ju-ju or something.

FINNEY

It’s not that. I just want things done in a timely manner. I like things to be done with order and decency. All of that has to come together. No matter what may happen on the way there, I don’t care if I have to walk after a blown tire, we’re going to get there ahead of time.

SUCHIN turns serious for once and shuts his door. She goes up to BARTHOLOMEW.

SUCHIN

We’re headed out because the boss man doesn’t want to be messed around with when it comes to time. We have only a fraction of time to squeeze into his truck so don’t be alarmed if we’re not there with him and a stopwatch clocking our every move. I’ve known him since OCS and we’ve been tight. He’s been tight. He’s not wired like the rest of us. He’s on some kind of mission. I don’t know exactly what he’s on, but he’s been on it ever since we walked across that graduation deck.

BARTHOLOMEW looks at SUCHIN with a mix of slight confusion and awe.

BARTHOLOMEW

Let’s be away then.

SUCHIN [sincerely]

Let’s.

FADE OUT