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Canned Cabbage.

You Don’t Can Cabbage!

By Carol TownendPublished about a year ago 3 min read
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Canned Cabbage.
Photo by Shelley Pauls on Unsplash

In The Kitchen

Me: Happily humming a tune, chopping cabbage until the husband enters.

Husband frowns at me and says: “You’re not going to can that Cabbage are you?

Me: “What! Can the Cabbage? Who on earth cans cabbage?”

Hubby shakes his head, rolling his eyes so far back that his eyeballs nearly fall out, then says: “But, my dear! You’re shredding enough for England, and there are only two of us. Don’t you know our cabbages turn green if we don’t can them!”

Me shaking a finger at my husband, then says: “You’re already green, and you’ll be greener and canned yourself if you don’t get out of my kitchen!”

Husband, Laughing: “I’m no greener than you’ll be if you look at that thing any longer!”

Me feeling annoyed: “It’s only veg!”

Husband says: “Go vegetate then!”

Me: “I’m not a garden, you canned Cabbage!”

Husband laughing sarcastically: “Oh well, vegetating is one way to start a family!”

I just ignore him and try to finish making tea.

Husband: “Are you sure that you don’t want to can it?”

Me: “You can’t can Cabbage!”

Husband: “Why?”

Me: “It will go moldy!”

Husband: “There are plenty of vits in mold!”

Me: “Ahem?”

Husband: “It makes you riper!”

I finally finish tea.

Husband: “Well cooked, and it will be well canned. Canned Cabbage equals a healthy family!”

Me: “You don’t can cabbage!”

Husband: “If you want to be green, can the cabbage before it cans you!”

This is based on one of the many daft conversations that I often have with my husband when we are cooking together in the kitchen. I have always believed that humor in a relationship is important. Humor can brighten up the dark days, and those little laughs are always helpful.

I and my husband always end up laughing over silly little things in the kitchen, and we always find our best humor comes out when we are cooking!

Cooking can be fun for any couple, and you really don't need to be the world's best chef to find it. We have been known to find humor in burnt toast. I once cremated my husband's toast, turning it to ashes, and he said to me:

"I can't eat with Kentucky Fried Lungs!"

I told him to add some tomato ketchup to make it taste better, and he said,

"I don't think I'm a vampire. It isn't registered on my birth certificate!"

Another time was when he sent me to make a cup of coffee,

"Do you really love me?" He asked,

"Yes," I replied,

"Enough to make me a cup of Toffee!" He told me,

I sat there for an hour before I clicked, and he responded with,

"My lungs are frying!"

I went downstairs grumbling because it was midnight, and there are a lot of stairs in our house, plus I was tired, and he told me,

"Sit in the freezer, count to twenty and you'll cool down. Don't freeze my coffee while you're there though!"

He got his coffee, but when I finally got upstairs, he said,

"Yep! Your hair isn't fried and it's still on your head!"

I think my husband is lucky that I am used to his sarcastic humor.

Never mind, he forgets that we have a trapdoor!

I confess; I've threatened to move his bed down there before now, but I would like to not get a criminal record!

I'd like to retain my reputation as innocent thank you!

This article was originally published in https://medium.com/creative-passions/canned-cabbage-5b64a4a62d37

SarcasmLaughterFamilyComedyWriting
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About the Creator

Carol Townend

Fiction, Horror, Sex, Love, Mental Health, Children's fiction and more. You'll find many stories in my profile. I don't believe in sticking with one Niche! I write, but I also read a lot too.

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