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Why You Don't Have To Fix Yourself First In Order To Find Love

Have you ever been told no one will love you until you love yourself?

By Katie BurnsidePublished 2 years ago 4 min read

One of the worst things ingrained in us from a very young age is how can we expect anyone else to love us if we don't love ourselves first. It's completely harmful to young, vulnerable people. If you're someone who struggles with depression or body dysmorphia or any other mental illnesses loving yourself can be extremely difficult. This is then heightened when you put pressure on yourself to try and accept and love yourself, resulting in your mental health declining further. It's a toxic cycle which I am going to help you get out of.

First, banish the idea that you have to love yourself first in order to find love. Yes, you should love yourself and I encourage you to put in the work to get to that point. It took me until I was 25 to fully love and accept myself after years of hard work. Loving yourself is a journey and a process. And so is discovering who you are. But I am here to tell you, you are worthy and deserving of love, right this second. Exactly as you are!

So many people will tell you that you need to fix yourself before you can expect someone else to love you. To sort out all your problems and find out who you are as an individual and basically be perfect before someone will dare to fall in love with you. Obviously, it is important to know who you are as a human being outside of a relationship but who has the right to tell you you aren't worthy of love until you put in all this hard work? Who's to say you can't love someone and still be figuring out who you are? A healthy relationship will have space for you both to grow together and as individuals.

We are all on a journey of self-acceptance and bettering ourselves every day but just because we meet the love of our lives doesn't mean we should stop putting in the work, does it? It doesn't mean that all just stops. Finding a partner is wonderful but the work doesn't stop there. You should still be open to growth and working on yourself so don't you dare let anyone else tell you you aren't worthy of love until you've fixed yourself. If you really want love in your life then love will find you.

Love will find you even if you don't love yourself yet or you don't fully know who you are yet. There is so much room for growth in relationships. You have always been worthy and deserving of love. Don't let anyone make you feel differently.

When you put in the hard work to be a better person and then you have one bad day where you don't like yourself it can be a massive setback. Especially if you're hoping putting in the work will help you find love. But that's where the pressure gets too much. Don't be too hard on yourself. Even when you are in a relationship you'll still have your bad days. We wouldn't be human beings if we didn't have our bad days. Regardless of whether we're in a relationship or not we all have wobbles. No one is perfect and that's the beauty of the world.

So no. There is nothing about you that you need to fix. You are a work in progress and you are exactly where you're supposed to be right now. You have always deserved love no matter how bad your bad days have been. People fall in love every damn day so why can't it be your day.

How to be Single

Please rid yourself of the thoughts that you have to earn yourself a partner when you're single. Being single is a gift for you to discover your purpose and you should enjoy those years. It shouldn't be spent stressing about being happy every day just so someone can love you. Go out there, make mistakes and fuck up. No one should expect you to be happy every single day of your life. Besides, we all love a fuck up.

You are valid, you are a person, and you deserve to find love if that is what you desire. The only reason you are single if you don't want to be is that you haven't met the right person for you yet. That is the only reason. It's not because you are broken or too depressed or had a bad day yesterday, it's purely because the universe hasn't aligned to bring you both together yet. But it will. And it will be wonderful and it will be everything you've ever dreamed about. The love of your life is out there but don't wait around for them, go out and live your life. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Books to Read to Help you Through your Single Years

I love recommending books to people so if you're single then please read these books. They really are a game changer:

  • The Unexpected Joy Of Being Single by Catherine Gray
  • A Single Revolution (Don't look for a match, light one) by Shani Silver
  • Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov
  • Get The Guy by Matthew Hussey
  • Happy reading!

Please comment below if you have any questions or book recommendations for me!

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    Katie BurnsideWritten by Katie Burnside

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