Why Are You Still Single?

Let me paint a picture:

You met someone, maybe online, and you are trying to get to know each other. They ask how long you have been single. You say ‘a couple of years.’ They seem so surprised about your reply and quickly ask you again: ‘But why are you single?’

I usually find this question kind of confusing because if I was not single, do you think you would have this opportunity to meet me let alone have this conversation? Like what is wrong with being single? It is a choice and people have different reasons for being single at one point or another.

Why am I Single?

I have been asked this question several times. Why shouldn’t I be? I chose to be single these couple of years to heal from a previous relationship. I needed time to trust again and love again.

It is not easy when you have been with someone all your life only to realise one day that everything was built on lies and secrets, not to mention cheating and abuse.

So, I deserve some ‘alone time’ to figure out what I want and how to be happy again. To me, a relationship is not what you dabble into to prove a point or to compete with others. You have to be ready for it. You have to know what you are doing and who you are doing it with.

Another Scenario

Imagine that you are single and you do not have a child yet. Then you meet someone and you guys are chatting. You asked if they had kids, and they said yes, two kids. They asked you the same question and you said no kids yet. And they asked you why…

Asking people why they are single is kind of a common question but the very first time someone asked me why I didn’t have kids, I felt embarrassed. I didn’t know what to say for some seconds.

Then I told him that I love kids and I will still have my kids. But why was I embarrassed? Maybe because I was married for years and there was no child even though we both wanted it.

Maybe because I came from a culture where you don’t blatantly ask people why they do not have children. Maybe because I thought that it was insensitive to ask someone you’re meeting for the first time that kind of question when you do not know their story or where they are coming from.

Why Are You So Beautiful?

This is more like a compliment. It is also a rhetorical question because no one expects you to answer that. It may not be as ‘intruding’ as the two questions above and some men might use it as a pick-up line.

On the flip side, I usually give a funny answer to the question. I do say that my mother is a very pretty woman who married a very handsome man and I happen to be one of the results of the union, what do you think? We will both laugh at the cheesy reply.

Life is not all about seriousness all the time. It is good to make a joke and laugh about some issues as long as it is not hurting other people. Do not allow people who do not care about your happiness to run your life.

Let them know that it is not acceptable for them to bully you or take you for granted. Sociopaths do not have it written on their foreheads but the red flags are usually littered all over the place. By their words and behaviour, you will know them.

All you have to do is pay attention.