Two Tales of Rebirth

Emotions come and go as waves of the sea. We can’t say that one form of emotions last forever, but of course, there are different forms even to a sea wave. Some are short, wispy, and just enough to tingle the blissful nerves. The milky form turns your soul butter yellow with a dash of white. Big fabulous waves some days and you decide to surf in the sun. Some days the waves look peach and you take pictures. The other day sea brought so much joy, you decided to throw a birthday party on the beach. Some days the sea is calm; and in rainy days the waves are rough you’ll drown so you avoid the sea at all costs.

Occasionally, a tsunami comes.

In this life, we die and are reborn many times.

I’ve been reborn in my life out of pain, out of a notion of vengeance, driven by a need to rebuild myself after being torn down. This isn’t evil, I suppose. There’s nothing wrong with reconstructing our lives after taking unapologetic hits. Pain shatters us, but instead of giving in, we make a choice: we dust ourselves off and stand up. Our souls wounded, hearts in agony, minds cold, we stand up and go on with our lives.

I feel like being born again after pain closes of our hearts in the process of resurrection. This sounds like falling into Ra’s al Ghul’s Lazarus Pit. Of course you will come back, you’ll be better than ever, but there’s temporary madness. And god there are different kinds of madnesses, indifference is what I’m scared of most. Indifference runs counter to the fundamental aspects of human nature rooted in empathy, social connection, and emotional responsiveness.

Being reborn through pain seals our hearts, making heroes out of us, but most heroes I know are tragic. Batman is never happy, he is a guardian, protects humanity, but not happy. Spiderman? I doubt.

It’s “one wild and precious life”, and tell me, is being a hero enough?

We often believe that pain matures us, makes us better, but must we really endure so much to grow? Loss, pain, deceit — are these the only paths to maturity, to a “better” life?

I’ve been reborn out of love as well. That’s a different kind of rebuilding though. At times, we hit a point of our lives, where everything is just “normal”, no big waves, no big transformations, no nasty surprises. Days are just fine, ordinary, I’d say. Somehow we cultivate love, we wake up, see the sunlight on the curtains and think, “aww heavens”, we decide to go for a morning walk, we put on that lotion, two bites of tofu and we are happy enough to call it a day. Somehow we start to notice things, the way the sky changes its hues; we rush out when it drizzles to look for rainbows. We stick close to our people, we feel safe. We wait till the clock hits nine to watch our favourite show. There are no big wins from grand competitions, no big accomplishments, but damn there’s so much love somehow. Now that you could just do you homework and sleep, you start to dream.

This simple love, where you can call nothing but “ordinary”, births a transformation so strong that you feel like you just shifted a timeline. I don’t understand whether to call it a transformation or a reconnection, a reconnection to your roots, to your purest form. Your inner child is so alive now, you start making moves. You want to see the world. You go on to play with your favourite building blocks just like when you were four. But this time it’s a life you’re building, not the tallest building you know.

This rebirth has no trauma, no old scars itching, no unhealed wounds. Our hearts don’t ache from random triggers. This rebirth opens up our hearts. When you are hurt, you just cry it out and move on, it’s that simple. You don’t bottle it up and store and preserve the pain inside you for ages. We don’t take things too personally. We are so busy making our dreams come true. It’s that kind of mindset where you avoid drama saying “I’d rather have fun today”, not because you are ignorant, but because you are aware that life is too precious to load unnecessary weights to it anyways. Life feels like a box of chocolates, and you love all the flavors.

I’ve lived through both kinds of rebirth. The first one felt like surviving a tsunami, being the last one standing amidst the wreckage. The second one felt like I’m riding an orca under a rainbow, full of wonder and joy. Both transformed me into a hero. I’m still learning, still exploring my emotions.

But if I had to choose, I’d always pick the hero riding an orca under a rainbow.