The Controlling Friend

Why I have no friends...

By Pie RobinsonPublished 3 years ago • 4 min read

Needy friends can turn into user friends. User friends can turn into one of the most evil type of friend, controlling.

Once a controlling friend constantly needed a play by play once my son was born. Day and night she would ask me for photos, how was he doing, or how was I settling in. It seemed caring and innocent at first, but then the texts would come at all hours. 3am, 7am, 10pm…

She would want to FaceTime at a drop of a hat. At times I would have to tell her I am not even dressed; still she insisted we needed to talk, right that minute. I would throw a blanket over my chest and be a crazy robot. I would do it.

Each day tell me she could come by to give me a break, and watch the baby. The one I really needed a break from was her. At the time, he was only days or weeks old and I didn’t want to leave him. When I refused her offers she would instantly try and make me feel guilty. I was the bad friend, not accepting her help. She would pout about how her feelings were so hurt.

She was overbearing and controlling in this new phase of my life, and was starting to make several friends and family members uncomfortable. I thought it wasn’t worth causing any problems over. I had too many other things to worry about; like having a newborn!

One of the largest regrets I have is entertaining requests during the time we had together, because that baby is now gone. Interestingly enough, when she had her baby months later and I would ask for a photo or an update she would text me...

U know I'm so busy!

Yeah, you think.

The most extreme example I can give you of her controlling ways, is the classic tale of rudeness and insane lack of respect; I give to you;

The Find me a Cell Phone Story

Please, enjoy.

Susie and I scarcely saw one another, due to her moving about 45 minutes away earlier in the year. It was a hard transition for us to go from seeing each other sometimes weekly, to now, at best, once every other month.

Finally we found a great Taco Tuesday spot at a half way point and had a date on the calendar. Driving down the freeway I had a heavy heart and was draining my sorrow by blaring sad songs and singing along. I gave myself pep talks; that I could get through the night without a tear.

Earlier that day my husband and I had received some devestating news, and I did not want the dinner to turn into a woe is me moment because Susie herself had been going through hard times. Needless to say both of us were looking forward to catching up about our ups and downs. Just like old times.

After ordering our tacos and margaritas, we were ready to vent, laugh and both didn’t shed a tear. Not that crying with friends is not needed at times, but it’s not the scene for Taco Tuesday. Laughing and carrying on, my phone rings, and rings and rings. Now mind you, I had my phone out because I was waiting on a follow up call from the bad news earlier, that unfortunately I couldn’t ignore. I explained a little to Susie, so she would know I was not intending to be rude.

The phone calls were not about the current crisis, but from my controlling friend. With the repeated calls, Susie and I both agreed that I should call back, because something might be dreadfully wrong.

Yes, we did indeed have a crisis on our hands. My controlling friend was calling because she needed me to do her a favor, and it was very important for it to be done right away. Post haste and could not wait another minute.

Her sister needed the new iPhone in Rose Gold and the largest capacity. I was needed to urgently call all phone stores in our area and secure one. Here is how the conversation went.

“Hey I am at dinner; I have to let you go. I only called back because you keep calling.” I explained.

“Well, I am driving and I cannot keep looking up numbers of phone stores to call to find the phone!" she persisted with irritation.

“Ok, well I am busy and I cannot look up and call around either.”

“What time will you be done. The stores will be closing soon. ” She sighed at my disobedience.

Suddenly I was in, “The Devil Wears Prada”, and Miranda Presley was demanding me to work overtime. I tried explained that I just wasn’t going to be able to help, and that they will have to figure it out.

It all seems so silly now, that the new phone was so important that my life had to be on hold to help her out and do a favor. The terrible part is, even though I can laugh now, at the time, I felt guilty for telling her no.

Countless other times I had given in to these odd and random favors. Once I stopped helping her with her, last-minute drop everything scenarios, she slowly stopped contacting me. She eventually was able to find a new friend who would drop everything in moment’s notice to assist her.

Now, I can have Taco Tuesday in peace.