Hater

Happy times are here again. You bought a new house, had a baby, got that big promotion, went on a fabulous Caribbean Cruise, and guess who shows up to not congratulate you, Hater Friend. She cannot be bothered to hear about your vacation and instead says,

“Must be nice to afford such a nice vacation. Next time you should take me.”

Many moons ago I worked at a women’s only gym. My favorite part of my job was seeing different women each day and getting a little glimpse into their lives. One of my favorite clients, would come in each day during a lull, which would result in us getting lots of time to gab. She had lost over 50 pounds and was working her way to a healthy lifestyle. She had a loving husband, nice home, great career and her daughter just got accepted to her dream college. Things for her were beyond fantastic, especially with her new-found confidence from her weight loss. One day when we were chatting she confided in me that the worst thing about losing the weight, her friends. Why couldn’t they be happy for her? Her response is something I never will forget.

“I was the fat friend. Yes I have the loving marriage, good kid, home, and what not, but at the end of the day, I was the ugly fat friend. They don’t want me to have it all.”

Sadly, this can be so true. There are many people out there that do not want you to be successful and happy. I have had a friend put me in their, “Fat Friend” box. They thought somehow going out with me, being plus sized, more guys would pick them up. Bad logic. Not only am I married so I am not trying to be picked up, it totally back fired. More men, and women engaged me in conversation than her, solely because I looked approachable and she was sitting there pouting the entire night. Took me awhile to realize, that person was a hater.

When we bought a brand new car twenty years I was so excited to pick up a friend and take her for a spin. Her husband went on and on about how we spared no expense and could have used the money more wisely. He even made a snide comment about my leather seats. Jokes on him, they were faux leather. What a dummy. No matter how many times I would defend myself it wouldn’t matter. In the end I realized, why the heck am I defending myself? They aren’t paying for my car. You better believe my next car had leather seats, and they never got to ride in it. By then, we were no longer friends.

Just how do these haters get into our inner circle to crush our dreams and drown our happiness? This type of friend typically is someone who you trust and confide in and they have been cloaking their hate in false happiness for months, or even years. They are able to keep their hating at bay, until one day they snap. At that moment they spew all the things they are jealous of and you realize your friendship was built on a fake trust and fantasy of being mutually happy for one another.

With a clear head, after the dusts settles you can usually start to connect the dots. You see all layer of hate come to the surface that you ignored due to the sake of friendship. Jealousy is something that takes over someone’s personality and they can be so filled with it that they downward spiral and do things you never imagined possible. Having an extremely Hater Friend is not only damaging to you, but everyone around you. The negative comments and guilt they try to use to overshadow your happiness is disgusting.

Use a hater to remind yourself, never hate on a friend. Get over yourself. If you love someone, be happy for them, regardless of your own current situation. Nothing is as nasty as someone that will toast to your happiness with poisoned wine.