This is the story of how I went from being single, to getting married, to leaving my husband, to falling in love with someone else, to a surprise pregnancy, to anxiously waiting for these divorce papers, so I can sign them and finally be free. A little background: I was born in Maryland, and raised in Virginia. I met my soon-to-be ex husband in high school.
When I was 12 years old, I remember one of my greatest wishes was to fall in love with the perfect guy and get married by the time I was 20 years old. Coming from a family of 12 brothers and sisters, and being the youngest of the six girls, I was only following the examples I got from my older sisters. My mother brought us up with the conviction that a woman's role in this world was to find herself a good, hardworking, and loving guy, get married, have lots of children and live happily ever after.
I don't know if you've ever been through a divorce, maybe you have, maybe you haven't, but if you have you'll understand exactly what I mean when I say my divorce stole my voice.
I've never been a simple girl, try as I may. I'm the dreamer of my family, the black sheep; off-beat and loving it. I was an actress, a career that took me around the world performing for the Disney Cruise Line, an accomplished musician, and an aspiring author. Kids have never and will never be in my future, and settling down was not in the cards either. It just wasn't a priority for me. I was the priority, my friends and family were the priority.
Recently I’ve found out what the term “Tsunami divorce” means. And I had to learn that the hard way.
To my surprise, I am finding out more and more that it is, for me and others alike. My verdict is that most men I meet think I have passed my ‘sell-by date,’ (I’m in my forties, for goodness sakes!) But being ‘Indian,’ some of the men I meet from my ‘community’ believe I just want to have ‘fun.’ No one seems to take the idea of having a relationship seriously. Well, in all honesty, I have only been on various dating apps for a little while. I have not met many potential male suitors— only a few. Some of my friends, on the other hand, have met many men and I mean lots of men… However, from my conversations and generally what I have discovered, there seems to be quite a common trait—that is revealed about people both men and women on these dating apps, and it seems that most that I have come across are still married! I think meeting someone if you’re single is more difficult than meeting someone who is married nowadays.
Hey there. How you doing? If this is your first time, welcome. If you happen to be here for another trip, welcome. I want to say how brave I think you are. It's an amazing journey and it's going to require your utmost dedication. You have to be able to keep going when it seems like nothing has ever hurt this much or that you might be dying. Your old self will die off. You will inevitably try and keep it on life support for as long as possible because that's human. I hope that you have a funny internal voice for this. You are going through some heavy stuff, but you can survive it. And I'm going to give you a road map that I designed when I was going through my crisis.
Some of the main negative energies which can steer a happy marriage towards a disaster like a divorce are anger, anxiety, miscommunication, jealousy, frustration, and misunderstandings. Once these negative energies take over your relationship, the only solution couples realize is to separate from one another, so they can achieve some semblance of peace and happiness in life.
Chapter 1: A Necessary Compromise
I remember nervously standing in line at the courthouse together, waiting for our turn and unsure what to expect. We’d Googled how to file for divorce and had filled the paperwork out as best as we could... It’s not like we could afford to hire a lawyer for help. We couldn’t really ask any of our friends or family for help either because none of them have ever had to file for divorce. They’re all still happily married.