Divorce isn't an end; it's a different beginning.
Get MARRIED 5 YEARS, BEGIN TO HATE HUSBAND, HAVE the IDEA OF divorce, am I ASKING too high?
2015 Objectively speaking, he is a good man and treats me well. He does all the cooking and cleaning and his income is higher than mine. He had no children and did not intend to have any. But now the situation is that two people will quarrel whenever they meet, as long as they do things together, from cleaning up the house to going out to play, to making important life decisions. What's more, I think I have different demands on life from him. When I drag him to lose weight, work out and travel, he feels that he is humoring me, accompanying me and all kinds of grievances. The problem is he's overweight, he's in poor health and he has chronic diseases, and he doesn't study. Now I realize that education and knowledge are also very important to marriage. Now I want a divorce. Two people together is torture. I know divorce is not the best way to solve the problem, and in a small county, this kind of thing affects me. But I have been trying so hard for so many years, read a lot of psychological books about marriage, still can't solve it. I have no plans to remarry even if I get divorced. I think maybe I have too high a requirement for marriage. I'd better live on my own. Can you give me some advice? What the hell are we gonna do? Leave or leave, this is really a problem!
What kind of marriage is necessary to divorce?
Divorce nearly a year, said after the divorce of life after the divorce and daughter moved into oneself buy a house before marriage transition, their full buy apartment after marriage also make a room, prepared for a while and daughter moved to an apartment, then home remodeling, open more comfortable life this year how to say, the very happy, to work, After supper every day with the one lap daughter lake, see flower just buy a bunch of back swinging, climbing over the weekend, see a play, or driving around one lap, daughter is like my little tail, and followed me everywhere, character is very cheerful, for mom and dad separated from the fact that she also understood and accepted, now found no ill effects. No one will quarrel with me for trifles, no longer for the sink when to wash the bowl, how to put things, whether there is dust on the ground and so on and so on sesame mung bean size things affect the mood, what they want to do, what they want to do, long lost freedom. There are less things to worry about in life, and the mood is better. I feel that my sleep is better and my skin is better. In short, I am not so haggard and beautiful. About feelings, there are two suitors, the condition is good also, never married, a same age with me, a 4 years younger than me, but are not ready to into the next relationship, because too enjoy now state, although once or twice will feel like a bit lonely, but on the whole is free, along with the gender, comfortable, compared with the life now, Occasionally lonely, no matter about the economy, but more easily than before, I a person in charge of three food and drink before him, now only need to responsible for yourself and daughter overhead, do take it easy, so a little bit reduced workload, let oneself can more time to rest, and more time with my daughter. My cat follows us, which is another way to be a family of three. Ex-husband, regret, he began to recover the divorce, and even began to learn to cook, to pick up daughter from school, and bought me flowers, do a lot more than four years in the marriage never do, but I don't need it, I refused, he advances and retrieve heart no waves, very not easy to pick out the pit of fire, there is no reason to jump back flatly. Now what I want to do most is to make money, give myself more confidence, give my daughter a better life. Here for the original answer - - hand -- -- -- cut -- - yesterday, just divorce, married in 2016, has experienced five years before marriage of love distance, have emotional foundation, each other the best age to the other party, and in more than four years later, we together for nearly ten years ~ yesterday calm to deal with the divorce, children raised by me, He can come to see his children at any time, and I do not limit his contact with the children, there is no denying that he still loves the children very much, I once thought to live like this for the children, but maybe I am a selfish mother, I think I can't sacrifice the rest of my life for the children, I just want to cut my losses and be happy in time... Now think about it, actually before marriage have signs will go today this step, we through, he was affected by education is to enjoy life, a life but for decades, happy is the most important, namely parents hand holding the baby in my heart, that married for so many years I didn't even know how much his salary, but he just enough to spend, my spending in the home, However, he is still behind my back loan more than 300 thousand recharge game! Yes, the top up game! During the period of his loan, in addition to my own work, I also had to take over the business of the online store at night and packed it up until 2,3 a.m., which was a common thing. For a long time, I suffered from severe sleep deprivation and hair loss... However, he just quit his job because he couldn't get up and the working place was too far away. These did not have any immediate divorce, let us help he finished loans, he no longer prepaid phone games, I also said, can not go to work, then we exchange, I only need him to answer the child in the afternoon, at ordinary times don't criticise us blind bb into (he feel a slight obsessive-compulsive disorder, tilt the table, children eat chip crumbs off the ground he would struggle for a long time, always say... ...). And I am very casual that ~ after dirty wipe good, there is no need for this little quarrel...... What's more, he doesn't need to do anything. I also send the children to class in the morning. What he has to do is to pick up the dishes after school and dinner, and then put them in the dishwasher... Yes, he felt very wronged because of this, and even magnified to think that "I do all the housework in this family"... It didn't get us divorced... Really the root cause of the divorce, it may be unable to control his ~ I'm pregnant, he is really good, do, that I even grateful to marry the right person ~ can be confined during, I cracked because pain from the extreme to cry, he stood there and looked at me coldly, light 1: mother is so great, how do you so thing... On this word, let me remember today, clearly remember the feeling at that time, suddenly cold, wanted to kill him...... May it sowed the seed in my heart, I began to intentionally or unintentionally for their own lives more ~ so I did not become a full-time mother, but kept on working, but in his eyes, my work is my f * * k with in ~ (my friend and I opened a home stay facility partnership entrepreneurship), entrepreneurial didn't ask him for a penny, he has been entangled with the source of money, I say it's online store on deposit and my savings before marriage, He wouldn't believe it... Because of this matter we quarreled many times, I don't think there is anything worth quarreling about, quarreled in the exciting place, he started, men and women strength disparity I can feel ~ although I tried to resist, still can not escape ~ this is the first time...... May I to save face after the good is not secret, he tasted the sweet and warm time gradually began to five times with me ~ the last time I eyes bloodshot, his feet chuai, everywhere is the lump ~ this time I also like make a determined effort, into his leg with a key, and then go to the hospital examination, go to the police station for the record ~ may heart is dead, To cause this calm after his parents always scold him in front of me, begged me to forgive him and his parents is really good to me, no one else family in-law problems, plus the child still small, again I compromise ~ until the outbreak period, he drank too much wine, in my daughter's birthday on the same day, dumped her several slap, daughter didn't do, only is quiet sit still watching TV, Was suddenly play ~ I was in the bath, heard crying ran out, he said, pointing to day denies it, until I dig out home monitoring screen, he didn't have nothing to say to the daughter was three years old, so young ~ he promised never to drink ~ I said to him, this is the last chance but he didn't take long to drink many, drunk driving out of the car accident, and lost a lot of money, but also in... Every time he drank, I couldn't sleep at home, for fear of something happening. Sure enough, a week ago, he drank too much again. When he came back, he smashed the glass everywhere in the house. I called his parents and my parents came to his parents to the first, he accused me in front of his parents don't go home all day break home stay facility and so on ~ ~ no matter kids have to cat (children in addition to need him to answer it, everything else is I do, as for the cat, is he asked me if I want to bring back, I just brought back, the original has been kept in the home stay facility), also called my family... By the way, the hit thing, he is the master of the monitoring pulled out first, so I doubt whether he really drunk ~ my parents come after, he change before the appearance of swearing, crying, so I looked at him coldly looking at ~ said he hasn't seen drunk not for so many years, has never been drunk out of control, all because of me, and I together is out of control... The day I will pick up the luggage is moved out ~ since I told her so, that I let him good ~ yesterday, after a week we divorce, have a dinner party to the marriage, I can't say I no problem, I admit that I haven't play the woman, can't just fall in love with playing ~ I unknowingly become an iron lady ~ and he, He needs a wife who is gentle and sweet, who adores and admires him, and I can't give him... He needs a leech on to his woman, and I need a close man ~ we also stubborn, and two people who would not bend, how can you go to the last ~ can clearly before I was the little woman let us into today ~ ~ time along the way, although have regret but without regret, at least I have such a lovely daughter is decent ~ ~ at least leave
What happens to women who divorce without children?
I was less than a year old when my mom got divorced. She was 24. The baby was supposed to be with the girl, but she didn't ask me for custody, because the biological father was abusive and threatened to kill her. She dared not argue with him. She took unpaid leave after the divorce, moved to Shenzhen in the late 1980s and, at 27, married a first-time Hong Kong man who was smitten with her, aged 25. But when my biological father got custody, he found it hard to take care of children, so he threw me back to my grandparents' house. I only kept my household register. Yeah, no meetings, no child support, but keeps my hukou. It was not until I was in my teens that my mother decided to give me a hukou to move to Hong Kong and gave him a sum of money that he agreed. So I lived with my grandparents when I was young, and my mother came to visit me once every two or three years. Sounds like the same as left-behind children very sad, but also OK, grandpa is retired cadres, living in the courtyard, food and clothing to go to school not worry, occasionally someone malicious smile to me said: "your mother don't want you? She's not coming back?" It was sad at the time, but looking back, I'm better off than those people now, and I'm relieved. Then she had a brother and a sister. Hong Kong people have been very good to her, developed to buy a car are written in her name. Two nannies took care of the children when their younger siblings were young. All she does is wash her hair, manicure and play mah-jong. Later, I came to study with her and lived with her for four years. Maybe because we didn't grow up together, we always feel that we are not very familiar with our mother and stepfather. But they have not wronged me, the camera computer freely buy, the family car freely drive, buy clothes, buy bags and buy skin care products also do not have any restrictions. At that time, I always quarreled with her, because she thought I would do nothing but spend money, but I thought I was a great man. I looked down on her and played mahjong every day. I had no feelings for her. And I feel like it's my fault that she left me when I was a kid and didn't develop a relationship? Smoking and drinking play mahjong every day does not take care of younger brothers and sisters, even in the home oneself wash hair feel tired she still have reason? I have to worship her? Now that I'm over 30, I can really understand her. Who wouldn't want to live easy? She is qualified to play mahjong with long nails every day. She is not willing to wash, cook, clean up the room, take care of children, study from nine to five, and even not willing to exercise, play or swim, because she is an ordinary person with weaknesses, laziness and choices. These should not be reasons for me to look down on her. If she had fought for custody of me after her divorce and struggled to get along in her hometown working for a state-owned company/government agency, it would not have ended well for her or me. Because she was brave enough to go out and get perhaps a better life, and thus gave me more possibilities. If I was following my birth father, would I be able to go to college? Will junior high school graduation go out to work? I really can't think about it. P.S. Why was my mom able to marry a younger Hong Kong guy who was obsessed with her? The WORLD HAS NO REASON OF GOOD FORTUNE MY MOTHER IS YOUNG WHEN THE ORGAN BIG COURTYARD FAMOUS BEAUTY (-_- AND DID NOT INHERIT TO ME) AND THE CHARACTER IS VERY HUMOROUS AND WITTY CAN NOT HELP BUT WANT TO SAY TWO OF HER JOKE SON SOME DAY SHE AND I ONE BEFORE ONE AFTER STANDING ON THE ESCALATOR I TOUCHED HER BOTTOM SHE: THANK YOU, 100 YUAN. Me: I'm giving you a massage. You have to give me 100 yuan. She: Really? If you want to charge me, you have to press it the way I like it. Get down on your knees and hold out your hands. I:... One DAY I (PLAYING WITH HER THIGH) : Mommy, WHY ARE THERE SOME PURPLE BLOOD VESSELS ON YOUR LEG? She: As people get older, the skin becomes thinner and the blood vessels become more obvious. I: oh? So I'm gonna have purple veins in my legs when I'm old? Her dia voice dia languidly say: you won't ~ I: you will comfort me! She: I'm not trying to comfort you, you really won't ~ Me: really? Why is that? She: Because your skin is dark, even if you are old, you will not become as white as me. When she was young, she could hardly get on a train with a suitcase and cross an overpass without a man offering to help her carry her luggage (not once in my life, what a world!). I tried twice standing on the shoulder of the freeway with her in a broken down car, and both times people stopped and asked if she needed help. After all, I could play with her leg for a year... (Don't ask me where the tall buildings are, but she stands on this side of Wan Chai, across from Kowloon.) This answer got a lot of likes, but ah... How could things be so perfect? When SHE WAS 43 YEARS OLD, SHE WAS STILL A BULLY, HOUSEWORK ALL LEFT TO THE NANNIES, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO WITH MONEY, A MONTH AT LEAST 30 THOUSAND SMALL SPENDING, lose MORE IS THE ROLE OF NO edge. That year my stepfather, 41, met a 21-year-old girlfriend. A hostess, to him said he was born in the countryside of the tragic life, he said his heart a sour, to her rent a car (did not write her name), is kept. When my mom found out, she turned the world upside down and set fire to our own house (before the babysitter put it out). In fact, she was still beautiful at that time. After all, she didn't have to worry about life, she often maintained. She could also easily do the cartwheels that she practiced in the gymnastics team when she was a child. But even if it is 35, how does it compare to 21? What's more, Shenzhen's night, a stubble of 18, 9 years old, every year there are new people. They also seriously discussed the divorce, went to the lawyer's office, the lawyer asked the stepfather: divorce you willing to pay how much property and maintenance? He said: house car to her, children she wants to also give her, I pay 50,000 a month child support. She thought about it, but she didn't leave. My opinion is that she has been spending freely for so many years that she has no ability to make money. Fifty thousand a month, minus the family expenses, was hardly enough to maintain her standard of living. To continue to live the life of manicures, mah-jongg, and showing off in front of Mah-yo in fancy cars, one must swallow the fact that his husband cheated on him, he seems to have changed, but once he has another child, he can't help it. It would be a lie to say that she cared less about her husband's infidelity than she did for a life of ease, looking at an admirer who has been licking her knees for years. I don't know when he turned into a highly sought after successful person in the society, while she became a middle-aged and elderly woman with no chips except her two children, no matter how she splashed. Life is so cruel, if beauty wins a good life, beauty is gone, what do you hold in your hand? Lots of cash? A well-developed business? A craft you can eat? Industry connections? To get into a beautiful place, to lie back and enjoy life for all these years and what's the result? It's when you realize you've lost all your chips, and you're gonna have to live with it from now on. Since then, she really changed her temperament, she cursed her partner with the most vicious language, she gambled more and more, she smoked and drank and stayed up more and more fierce, she was 48 years old abdominal pain admitted to hospital, was found to have cancer. She's the only one on my grandparents' side of the family with cancer. Three surgeries, plus chemoradiotherapy, for years. Although the family had carers to look after her, it was a very, very painful few years for her. She was just under 53 when she died. I, too, married a man of modest means and had two children. But I have always had a very deep sense of crisis and never stopped trying to study, work and make money. Because I have learned from my mother's life experience that... I'm not as pretty as her, and I can't eat that bowl of face food. I want to dare to play mahjong every day beauty nail estimate soon be divorced a boring -_ - - - this is my two years ago to write the answer -- -- Ironically, although I have no beauty nail playing mahjong every day and I also expand + company's business I'm getting paid for my education and I'm still getting divorced and I don't have custody of my two kids and I have to fight over visitation... What kind of brain circuit is my Soon to Be ex-husband? No one knows but oh, but oh, the point is! I now income OK ~ lawyer fee? The cost of living? No problem. I'm not extravagant either (miracle given my mom's lifestyle). Don't make trouble, don't worry! My grandfather is the eighth Route Army, grew up in the compound, inherited the old revolutionary spirit of me, hardworking, brave and kind what to be afraid of!
Why are more divorced women with children reluctant to remarry?
I am 31 years old, my daughter is 6 years old, and I have been divorced for 6 years. I have not considered remarriage, which has nothing to do with the "once bitten, twice shy" relationship, is simply "don't want", feel "not cost-effective." I don't know if you agree or not, "marriage is to use the freedom and happiness when young, to replace the old feelings, pension security." That's a concept. Now that I am divorced and have children, in the eyes of many people, I already have that pension security, why do I want to get married? But to be honest, raising a child is not a kind of pension security. Nowadays, it is common to have a retirement salary to subsidize the younger generation. I have seen people in their 70s who help take care of their great-grandchildren. I spent 6 years from nothing, divorce only got 600 a month of minimum child support, I did not ask, because do not want any contact. Now I have a house, a car and a good income. The hard work during this period cannot be expressed in a few words. The more I have suffered, the easier it is to satisfy and cherish my hard-won life. Fortunately, I am very good, so I have been introduced to a lot of people, relatives and friends all hope that I will marry well, but I still can recognize the reality. Find an older, the same divorce has children, can find good economic conditions indeed, but such a reorganization of the family is a lot of disadvantages, and I do not need his economic conditions to my life what help. Or find a young, but can't afford to buy a house, but people want me what? Are you trying to make me look good? There is no shortage of good-looking girls in this world. Remarriage is a "bad deal" for me anyway. Love this matter, there is a good fate, I certainly want to open arms to embrace it; But if it doesn't, it's no big deal. It's not even a shame. Doesn't it make you feel better to be single when you think about the trouble that might arise from linking with another person, including his or her family? Life is such a fleeting time, that time, energy spent to do something else, also good. After passing the difficult days and solving the economic problems, my daughter and I really lived very happy, two people are too sweet. We take part in various parent-child activities on weekends. All kinds of hands on production, there is really no boring. She's taken a lot of classes, but they're all things she likes, things she wants to learn, painting, piano, dancing, Legos, and most recently, boxing. We signed up to learn swimming in the summer vacation, she learned, I didn't. Don't feel sorry for yourself. It's just a divorce. Divorce doesn't mean you've failed, it just means you've ended a relationship. No one will look down on you, and no one will laugh at you as you imagine your classmates and neighbors. It's 2020. Work hard to make money, women really any time to have their own ability to make money. Women really at any time to have their own ability to make money. Women really at any time to have their own ability to make money. Important things to say three times. We often hang out together and I like to take pictures. Sometimes friends are not in, let her take me, she will complain, all day long know to take photos take photos....... This one she took, it's pretty good. Life is not only love, not only marriage. Marriage and love are not just needs of life, can only be said to be accessories, grow up you will know, just need only money, adult 90% of the problem, can be solved with money.
Are women who don't have children after divorce heartless?
When my parents divorced, my mom didn't want me. She gave up custody. Later my father would occasionally take this matter out to say that my mother is cruel. In fact, I don't think there is anything cruel, I am my mother's cub, is also my father's cub, why I can't with my father, why I have to with my mother. When they were together, my mother and I depended on each other. In heavy rain, my mother rode a bicycle to pick me up from school, and my father drove his car without coming to visit me. Every night, I waited for my mother to come back from the night shift to accompany me. She had to cook for me after a hard day. My father only knew that he would beat her when he was drunk. My mom went to all the PTA meetings, and after they left, I was in high school, and my dad went to PTA meetings thinking I was in middle school. So why do I have to stick with my mom, who's done so much for me, when they were still together, my mom was all I had in my life, so when they're divorced I have to stick with her and screw her over? It's a good thing my mom didn't ask for custody, or I'd have to choose. I want my mother to live a relaxed life, free from the constraints of her husband and children, I want to grind my father, let him know that raising children is not easy, money, strength, heart, all come out. The mother who does not have a child after divorce is not cruel ah, cruel what, she as a mother's premise must be a dignified person with self. After all this hard work, no more kids, she deserves it. I didn't expect a lot of comments! In addition, my mother's education background is not as high as my father's, the job is not as stable as my father's, and the economic conditions are not as good as my father's, so I did not with my mother at that time there is another reason, I am afraid that she alone with me too heavy burden. If she hadn't taken me with her, she could have had more time to work, earned more money, and made a better living for herself, as it turned out she did. Now she has found a boyfriend who is very nice to her. They have been living together for a long time, and they are not going to get married because she wants to leave me her house and everything. I'm working hard and trying to save some money to buy another house in my mom's name. In fact, we don't want anything from each other. We only want what's best for each other. My father and I have a good relationship, he remarried, personality changed a lot, became a very responsible man. He got a nice wife, too. I used to hang out with her in private, and I told her things I didn't want to tell my dad. Time has healed a lot, and I'm thankful, because now everyone is really good. I hope all of you can be happy, make the right choice, don't compromise yourself, and leave the rest to time. Wow, I didn't expect so many people to comment on my answer! And it's all positive and warm. It's great! Since many of my friends have asked me some questions in the comments and even in private messages, I will answer them in unifications. 1. Why did my parents choose to divorce? Because two people character wife is too inappropriate, are huge stubborn, complementary is completely not complementary, everywhere tit for tat is the reality. And my dad is very well-built, and he's in his fifties now and he's looking good, and he's got good skin, so even when he was young, he was a real go-to guy in his twenties and thirties. When he was young, he really had no sense of responsibility. He had no concept of it at all, so he would stay out late and come home every day. And my mother was very family-oriented and couldn't stand it, so they fought and quarreled all the time, and they got divorced. 2. Why did my father change for the better later? One is that he got older. My father used to be very immature in dealing with people and things, and did not take charge of things. Never do any housework, I was forced to mop the floor and wash clothes every day. Second, my grandparents passed away one after another. Although he was not an only child, he was still deeply shocked. He talked to me after that, said that he felt that without his parents, his roots would be gone, and he would be a little insecure. It was also after that that he began to realize the importance of family and companionship. Three is his present wife is really good. Honestly, sometimes I can't stand my dad, and she can take it and put up with it, which is what I love most. What my dad was born not a optimistic person, when I'm reading, he had very severe depression, the middle of the night can not sleep, push the I wake up, want me to accompany him for a walk (but I didn't, and because be wake is very angry scold him mental derangement, now in retrospect, I was sad and sorry, I shouldn't have said at the time]. But his wife is different from him, is a very attention to the details of life, very cheerful and tolerant. I feel like he's being assimilated by his wife, and that's why he's at peace. Now my father does not mention the past, and he will advise me not to be too fussed and more considerate when I quarrel with my mother and complain to him. Men are like this, must leave from the circle, after the person left, a person digest thinking for a long time, will gradually realize that others before his good. 3. It was very sad how my mom's life turned out. It was really hard for her at first. It rained the day she moved out, and at night she piled her luggage into the back of the van with her umbrella up and her back turned to me to say goodbye. When she left, I cried for a long time, feeling powerless. Later, she rented a small house nearby to make it easier for me to eat, and I spent every weekend in that rental house when I was in high school. Then someone introduced her to a new boyfriend, and she moved in with the uncle, but he was so bad-tempered that they broke up soon after. When the first house we bought came up for lease and the tenant left, she moved back in and has lived there ever since. Then her unit has less, although has not collapse, but every month can only get one thousand seven hundred subsidies, she started by the one thousand seven hundred subsidies and old house rent 【 I remember rent nine hundred yuan at the beginning, then one thousand two hundred] to buy food, medicine, her heart is bad 】 【 rent, then the body a little better, and moved back to old house, she began to go out to work. She used to be an accountant, but later began to do auditing. Moreover, she also took a part-time job to do accounting. Every month, she gradually saved her salary and the subsidy from the company. Now she retired, has been too lazy to go to work, every month with retirement salary and bought before the dividend of the unit stock, can have 7,000 or 8,000 a month. She doesn't spend much and she doesn't spend too much, so she's doing just fine. She met her current boyfriend at work and the two got together. My mother was nostalgic and refused to move, so my uncle moved in with her all the time. This uncle is also a very good person, character is very gentle, giant delicious cooking, my mother has tried for many years didn't do not played a bed not doing the housework in the morning, home affairs are the uncle in the dot size, sometimes I send message to my mother she would back because the didn't get up in the morning and afternoon as human social animals I envy her... 4. For women who are going through a marital crisis, I'm going through a marital crisis right now, but that's for another story. Fortunately, I haven't given birth to a child yet. So I plan to make up for the lack of work due to the epidemic before, and then negotiate a divorce. If you're like me and you're going through a marital crisis but don't have kids, feel free to break up. As long as you have a job and can earn money, it's not a problem to feed yourself. But if you don't have a job, you still need to make a plan. Before you rush to divorce, find a job and settle down before you leave. And maybe when you get a job and you're busy and you're in a different mood, you'll find that your marriage can actually be salvaged. If you're going through a marital crisis, you have kids. Then I suggest you talk to your child about it, rationally and without emotion. If the child is not awarded to you, you must explain to the child why you may be absent more often for the rest of your life. The child is too young to understand, and there is nothing better you can do than not be absent from his/her life in the future. The child will understand when he/she grows up. But if your baby is a baby, you can only do your job and be yourself after the divorce. If people talk about it, feel free to be a bitch if they want to be, but you're a good person. Whether you're divorced or with kids or not, remember to always put yourself first. A mother with an independent personality will always be more attractive than a mother who is always submissive. Don't put negative emotions and messages in your child's head. Let your child know that divorce is OK, that life will be the same, and maybe better. Don't let your child lose hope of marriage. That's it. Finally, I hope you get over it and all is well. ❤ ️
Why is the divorce rate so high now?
This is a worldwide problem. In short: the short-term costs of maintaining a household are too high and too low value for money. The ubiquity of cheap teats has dimmed the happiness of marriage. Watching Douyin and playing King of Glory for a day is a big difference between energy and pleasure compared to taking a child for an hour. The rising cost of housing price, education and medical care makes the family operating cost higher and higher, and the support of six wallets of the family is increasingly needed. Individual marriages become a contest of families and clans. On the contrary, the family's original anti-risk function becomes less important as social welfare improves. Information flow and transportation are becoming more convenient, and the value of the family to the individual is becoming less and less. Instead, the negative emotions of parents, couples, children and so on are increasingly recognized. As housing prices soar, marriage rates plunge So is the concept of family about to become a thing of the past? But it's not. The family and marriage also serve a crucial function: as vehicles for the intergenerational accumulation of wealth and social resources. In the United States, it often takes several generations to raise a person to enter the upper class. The same is true of families from Kennedy to Trump. It takes decades of hard work in Chinatown for first-generation immigrants to get their children ahead. This is because class mobility tends to take place in an intergenerational fashion, so the role of the family is delayed, unpredictable and therefore difficult to influence on ongoing marriage decisions. This point is just like buying insurance, the more money, the more attention, the more difficult to make a decision, the last is polarization. Thus, as family relationships tend to disintegrate, intergenerational resource accumulation at the middle and lower levels of the pyramid is interrupted. After the reform and opening up, China entered the three decades of the most rapid class mobility in history. An important reason is that the first three decades of social reform and family planning have resulted in a generally stable family structure. On the basis of this stable structure, education, experience and resources can be passed down, triggering the qualitative change that breaks through the stratum. Similarly, one of the biggest problems facing black Americans is the lack of family culture. White children from middle-class families are always more likely to maintain their class status than black children. Blacks are more likely to be stuck at the bottom of society or to slip from the middle class. Now: as it becomes harder to maintain marriages and families, intergenerational mobility will stop. Above the middle level, there are many ways to accumulate intergenerational resources -- stocks, power, insurance, foundations, social connections. The upper classes further secured their resources and channels through repeated marriages. However, for the middle and lower classes, without the carrier of intergenerational accumulation, individuals have to face the barrier of consanguineous relations in the upper class to move from one class to another. At the same time, decisions on social security, on which individuals depend, are in the hands of the upper classes. Europe and the United States have strict and costly laws on divorce, but they have not stopped divorce rates from rising. Stable families eventually became a luxury for the few at the bottom and a necessity for the upper class. The growing trend toward unmarried, single-parent families has coincided with a growing sense of family awareness among the newly minted upper middle class. In many cities and towns in China, there used to be a year-end family ritual to worship their ancestors. Preside over and led by the chief of the family, young and old in order, men and women divided into groups. The ritual was much the same everywhere. In the past, there were some big family shrines in towns with matsuri or offerings. The so-called sacrifice is that after building the ancestral temple, the families agree not to purchase the sacrificial fields, but invest the donation into a firm for joint stock or equity management, or lend it to a firm, and the interest is used to buy offerings and repair the ancestral temple house. Large-scale sacrificial activities often need to be initiated by core figures who master certain resources, and become the platform and opportunity for resource integration. This economic activity centered on sacrifice is often the embodiment of family economic strength. For those who host and finance sacrifice, it is not only a source of funds, but also a source of contacts. In modern European and American countries, although there is no such family ritual as sacrifice, the family foundation and the family industry can share peer resources and carry on the inheritance between generations. In many systems of local enterprises and institutions in our country, various families have married each other in various systems, and it has formed a network of consanguineous relations from the base to leadership. The "family" of grassroots power is a cancer of political ecology. From the "rocket promotion" in Xiangtan, Hunan Province, to the "daughter-in-law" incident in Shanxi Province, to the "succession for father" in Jieyang, Guangdong Province, etc., all of these are worthy of the name of the "official family" phenomenon. What is more serious is that such things are no longer limited to a certain area of individual cases, but have appeared layer upon layer of parasitic pattern. The way of "hereditary" has also changed from the common single-line "inheritance" between father and son, mother and daughter to the trend of "one person wins the way, the chicken and the dog rise to heaven". For example, in the case of "daughter-in-law" in Shanxi Province, at least 15 family members worked as officials in Yuncheng city. As the society continues to divide and members become more and more dispersed, even when a family is formed, relations between relatives are becoming more and more easily alienated and the sense of family is becoming weaker and weaker. On the other hand, once the family-oriented trend takes shape in the middle and upper classes, the family structure attached to it will be more stable, and the intergenerational resource accumulation will be more efficient and difficult to break. In a word, stable families and marriages will become increasingly unaffordable luxuries for ordinary people.
Why did you get divorced?
George Bernard Shaw once quipped: "If you want to get married, get married. If you want to stay single, stay single. In the end you'll all regret it."
Advice from marriage counselors: Save your marriage don't compromise everywhere, do these six efficient save marriage
Even though we recognize that there is a problem, we need to make a change, but many things, too much of a good thing. I have seen too many visitors who are so afraid of losing their feelings that they lose themselves and their judgment. They just keep confessing to each other and begging them not to leave.
How many men cry in the civil affairs bureau when they divorce?
I am 28 years old and divorced. He and I were very calm throughout the procedure, and it went smoothly on the whole. The moment I got the divorce certificate, I just wanted to leave the Civil Affairs Bureau as soon as possible. This is the place where I swore to be together forever with the people I love most. This is the place where I broke everything with the people I thought loved me most. Coming out of the hall, he caught up with me as I trotted, seized me in the corridor, sobbed for a moment, let go of me, and ran. I was left with tears on my face, crying loudly while walking. From 20 to 28, five years in love, three years in marriage. Eventually go their separate ways. The reason for divorce is very bloody, very common. He cheated. It was discovered around November 2019. So it went on for about a year. Because he always said no. How did you find out? Cell phones are a good thing, or a bad thing that ruins everything. I found a recording on his phone of him sleeping with someone on a business trip. Many times, and at different times, one time even on Christmas Day of our second year of marriage, which was not a weekend, he lied to me about a meeting at headquarters... In other words, this man has been cheating for at least a year, when we were married for less than two years. I have asked him more than once why he travels so often. He replied that the company is expanding its business. His money is always not enough to spend, he answered me to talk about business please clients need to make money, these money can be reimbursed financially in the future... At first I confronted him and refused to admit it, but then I sat through the disgusting recording and found the smoking gun. He had to admit it. He said he didn't love the woman. He only loved me. His words revealed that I was the only woman before, did not try others, feel novel, did not withstand the temptation, but he has been insisting on this aspect of my love only increase without decrease, he thought that as long as handled properly, with my relationship will not have an impact... How ridiculous, of course you do not love her, she is just a tool you play, you do not love me, I am just your habit for eight years. What love is, love is I with he together from that day on I can open in various places shows that our relationship, love is I see good novelty will be the first time to share with him, love is even if cheating is our common things around me could not risking just one over ten thousand by the other party know to do it, because I only hope he good, getting better and better, Nature wouldn't do anything to hurt him... I don't know who that woman is, and I don't care who she is. When I found out, I asked for leave, shut myself in my room, not to be disturbed by anyone, and not to be hungry, so I just sat there, from dark to dawn, and then to dark, and then to dawn. Instead of crying at first, I was incredulous and shocked and overwhelmed. I asked myself a lot of questions. Was I not good enough to make him unsatisfied? There are a lot of people who cheat in this world, and many couples choose to forgive after experiencing cheating. Can I do it? Will I forget after a long time? He said he was just trying to be new. Now that he has tried, has he changed? . But when I repeatedly asked myself the answer, and found that I could not compromise with my principles, when I determined the seriousness of the matter, when my reason trumped my emotion, I made up my mind that I could not forgive him, even if I was alone in the future, I could not do it. How can I trust him to go on a business trip later? How can I make love to him without remembering that he was once a loving husband to me, and at the same time he was naked with others in a strange city, speaking disgusting words? When he refused to divorce me, I packed up my things and went to live with my parents. When my parents heard my explanation, they showed full respect to me and made up a room for me to stay in. He came to see me many times after I returned to my mother's house. I don't even want to see him. I frantically threw things to get him to roll, and when he left I was very lost and helpless. I began to cut myself, forcing myself to suppress my tendency to forgive him. I don't allow myself to relent. If I forgive him, what will happen? He'll think it's so bad if I find out, and eventually I'll give in. He may suppress his curiosity for months, years, or longer, but one day he will be tempted to cheat again, and I will be in this situation again. It was all ups and downs, and I started having mental problems. I would burst into tears in the night and get up alone, desperate to slit my wrists and jump off buildings. I had to use a sleep aid to fall asleep. I have severe PTSD, which is post-traumatic stress disorder, and I can't deal with all the sexual stuff, women in scantily clad clothes, laughing and screaming, and I can't hear them, I can't see them without associating them with my ex-husband, automatically imagining my ex-husband sleeping with someone else. Yeah, I was mentally ill for a while. Depression and anxiety. Then I took a long time off work, my mom took me to see a therapist regularly, my sister took me on trips... Where's my ex?? I don't know what happened to him while we were separated. Just in my former mother-in-law to persuade me to go back to the words of the faint feeling that he is not good, my former father-in-law beat him, his work frequently made mistakes, he almost got fired, he drank a lot of alcohol... Later, they may feel sorry for me and feel embarrassed to persuade me again. Perhaps see my mind, impossible to turn back, there is no hope to persuade; Anyway, they let me go, and we filed for divorce. It's been a while, and I think about him now and then, like when I read this headline and wrote my story, but I don't think about him most of the time, as if he never existed. I got rid of everything I had with him and started over. Division of property. I took my own car. There are no children, so there will be no further involvement. There will not always be a lucky pass in this world, when the betrayal of the moment, whether admit it or not, willing to or not, love is over. —————————————— Above answer -- thanks to everyone who participated in this answer, I read all the comments. Originally just want to find a similar tree hole place unbridled talk about the pain, did not expect that everyone gave me so much love dearly, comfort; Or think I'm too extreme, sniffy... There are pros and cons, freedom of speech, freedom of thought, I'm not going to judge who's right or wrong, but thank you all again. If I don't take the medicine to help me sleep, I can't sleep a whole night. What I fear most every day is waking up in the night. The endless darkness will amplify the pain. I don't think it's gonna happen to me. I'm just not sleeping well. Often treat my nerves, but my family is very worried about my safety, even as the doctor warned his family patients with depression and anxiety can't be myself will adjust itself, drug therapy is the most effective way to strong stress and physical pain can make patients uncontrolled to commit suicide, after all, I tend to be strong before. Now they don't trust me to do what I'm told, so, knowing the side effects, they have to see me take it. I know I let my family suffer, but please don't say anything about getting better for your parents. I hear too much, and I just feel heavier psychological burden, because I also want to get better, but... Well.. Drugs make me like a zombie now, I can not change, but have to accept. Those who do not understand may never understand. Those who do not understand regard me as an affectation. Anyway, you said so about me before, and I don't care. The doctor says you can recover if you follow the doctor's orders, so do what you're told. Things happened to divorce and now, experienced a lot of things, also see a lot of people. Those who do not leave me, really love me; Those who gloat and laugh; The ones who don't want me to be miserable enough. At first, I was afraid that others would talk about me, but thinking about this, I gradually don't care, because through this, I understand who are the people who really deserve my love, not all family is family, not all friends are friends... Some people don't understand why I'm so miserable, just after a divorce. Maybe I put too much importance on love. Some people say "love is like a ghost, no one has seen, the letter is there, do not believe, no". But I think I have seen it and experienced it in a profound way. My ex-husband was with me, and I thought I was the happiest woman in the world. He was really good to me. Even now, I am still very grateful for the wonderful things he has brought me, and it really warmed my long love years. From the university student days, every season to buy me clothes in advance, twice a year; I have a small illness and pain, he is more nervous than me, will hold me like a child, take care of me, busy; No matter how busy he is, he will try his best to spare time to accompany me to go to the supermarket and take a walk. We have a lot of our own memes and our own language. Only he and I can understand the tacit understanding, and we have endless topics to talk about. He never cold war with me, quarrel, he will silently accompany me to let me lose my temper, I go out he followed me, he will say "wife, I take you to eat a lot of delicious, don't be angry" just ask me to be happy; He every contact with a group, in the new environment will give them to take me to know, tell everyone I was his girlfriend/wife, class the classmate, good friend and friend, football team teammates, the company colleagues (that's why I always give him freedom, I think I will trust in return for his consciously, I never checked his mobile phone, don't follow his trip, not to mention a he cannot cheat or something, Because I thought he gave me enough security, he is the same as me, default to the bottom line of the kind of people); Married over time not long, I am not familiar with his family, relatives, everything he will not let me face alone, everywhere safeguard me, stand on my side, protect me... These little things in life he does very well. Three years do not have children, enjoy the world of two people, because he knows that children, children hard, he love me, no matter how the family is born, he said we only have a child, boys and girls he like, we also take a name together, together fantasy of a beautiful family of three; Because his company is headquartered in the city, we agreed to save money together, five years to go to the city to pay a house down payment, I tried to participate in the selection, intend to take the examination to the city to settle; We struggle when we are young, take care of children, filial piety parents, when we are old, we will travel around the world, he said he most want to go to Spain, I said you must take me to Hawaii, Provence, Mount Fuji... He said, "Well, I'll do everything you want." These big plans for the future we also agreed to be very specific. In the same way, I treat him well. I knew he liked playing football when he was in a different place in college. In order to allow him to participate in the games on weekends, I never asked him to come to my city to find me. I always went to find him, silently accompanied him, took photos and recorded videos for him. He was one year out of the society before me. As a senior intern, I chose to find a job in the city where he worked. The pressure of internship was low, so I took the initiative to undertake all the housework. His family conditions were not good enough, and he had a younger brother who was fourteen years younger. My parents did not agree that I should marry him. I held his hand and told them clearly that I loved him and we would be happy. I also took him to all my social circles to tell everyone about our happiness; I shared every beautiful scenery I saw with him in every city I went to. I will remember every delicious food I tasted and plan to take him to eat with me next time. I know very well that the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will bring him pressure, so I never let him embarrass, I know right from wrong, not noisy, never ask the family to buy anything for me, filial piety to my parents and his parents, his brother as my own brother... I give him the best love I can give him, except that I can't satisfy his X experience of different women. So maybe it's okay for me to get divorced, but to admit that the relationship is gone; To admit that he who loves me so much in my heart would betray me and tangle with others; I have to admit that our promises of a better future are broken; It's too hard for me to leave him. But, no matter how hard it is, I can't go back. The comments say cheating is cheating. The recording is stupid. You got it wrong. It's not the recording that's stupid, it's the cheating that's stupid. Recording is just a way of discovery, itself does not mean that the operation is not clever. Some things to do is to do, cheating is bound to be found, this common sense we should have. It's not a recording, it could be a booking record, it's not a booking record, it could be a transfer record, it's not a transfer record, it could be a leaked itinerary... Is cheating is, it is impossible to those who cheat for a long time since that was found to take nothing for granted, but it seems to me is more to the existence of the poor, clever, self-deception, because their partners don't care them doing at ordinary times, didn't put them in the eye, or even found pretend don't know, muddle along, to treat them as tools. Betrayal is not allowed in a close relationship, but any impurity that is allowed to exist is actually an empty shell of an intimate relationship. This kind of relationship in addition to each other every day to deceive themselves, muddle along, force themselves to meet the life of the unhappy do not allow themselves to regret forgive each other's cheating punishment, again and again pull down their bottom line, barely maintain the surface form does not collapse, let each other more and more tired, there is no other way out. I don't want this kind of relationship. I recognize the complexity and greed of human nature; Also understand that feelings will eventually from strong to plain law; I can even accept that a person cannot love another person forever, and that there is a strong possibility that they will move on. But I will not tolerate deceit or betrayal! I don't allow him to acquiesce in the release of my own heart have quietly metamorphism is wanton greedy desires, and indulge in this desire for more than a year's time, always in the beautiful dream, I treated him as in fool and cheat me like a fool, then use a trail "mistake" to me, along with my love for him into the abyss. It's a cruel way to wake me up. If you really love me how willing to hurt me like this? Back ten thousand steps, I aside if he really loves me, at least he is really afraid of hurt me, because even if is again deluded also can understand his such behavior will cause what kind of impact, don't say we are out of the society of adults for years, even wet behind is not deep, thought not mature people also know what it means to cheat and rebelled.
How have you been doing since the divorce?
I stumbled upon the topic and paused. Yes, how have I been doing since the divorce? If time can go back I will not get married, although now divorced, but with a scum married the damage and impact is long-term. The moment the divorce was finalized, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, like a boulder had been lifted from my chest. The spirit is much better than in the marriage, and finally with this person has no relationship, and then how to die and do what things have nothing to do with me, and finally don't have to see this bring harm to me. It feels like a new life. Materially, it's not good, a person with a one-year-old child, no house, no property and no decent income. Educational background is not high (private Erben Zaizhihu in third-tier cities is about equal to illiteracy), ordinary appearance, height of 167.5 is not short, after weaning the child found a job, income is not high. Fortunately, I met a very nice landlord who took pity on my parents, and the rent was very low, 1700 a month, and it was the kind of staircase house from the '80s, and I cleaned it up for three days and put it in a clean and tidy place, which is not bad. I take care of the kids. Every dollar goes somewhere. Now the breakfast hot and dry noodles are 5 yuan a bowl, but there are still some remote places have 4 yuan a bowl, of course I go to eat 4 yuan a bowl. Get to work early in the morning or I'll have breakfast at home. I used to love soy milk, but now it's too expensive to drink. There is a colleague in the company who grows fruit at home and often brings some fruits to share with us. I will keep these small fruits and bring them home to my son to eat. Sometimes it is a small peach and sometimes it is a few small tomatoes. And I kept the snacks from work to take home. Milk powder is a big cost. I think I should lower the price of his milk powder a little more. I feel sorry for him. Although it was very difficult, but never had a bad mood for him, are the most patient and gentle side to the children, so he is so far a love laughing love with me play pettish and lively child. As mentioned above, although the divorce, but the damage left is the shadow of the shadow, busy time is OK, whenever quiet down, think of the future life will be very confused and depressed, I don't know if I can hold on, but can not hold on to what? For a failed candidate in a failed marriage, I regret it all the time. It's my fault I didn't know how to read people, and I didn't have a strong family behind me. My ex-husband is a veteran who quickly learned my weakness and put on a good show. I am a family concept is very heavy people, in my life plan to get married and have children this item (I know this is not in line with the political correctness of Zhihu), the biggest pursuit is to have a harmonious home, have a lovely child, live the ordinary life of tea rice oil salt. Take a walk with loved ones after work. Take the kids to the amusement park. It's easy for me to do all the housework. So after I got married, I tried my best to run the family. Once I had any dissatisfaction, I would reflect on where I did not do well. If I did not like to go home, I would change the pattern of cooking and clean myself up every day without losing my temper. As time went by, I did more and more, but didn't get any positive feedback. At that time, I still wondered what was wrong with me. Even though I communicated with him for many times, he didn't communicate with me at all. Often a person breakdown, now seems to be really pathetic, not I did not do well, is a cold-blooded animal need a housework what all listen to him and regardless of his nanny. His humble to the dust, infinite tolerance and concessions, in exchange for his unbridled outside the stock gambling pattern. When I was pregnant and found out all sorts of evil deeds, I thought about whether to abort the child every day, but my steamed stuffed bun character and heart softened, so when the child was born, forced him to divorce. Later, for a long time, I could not watch the particularly sweet plots in TV and movies, and I would break down and cry. Even at the beginning, when I saw ordinary couples on the road, I could not help shedding tears. How could they all be so happy? A friend said, it is my character to indulge him, indulge the evil in human nature. I am a weak personality, personality is not independent of people, no temper, habit of tolerance to please others, the fate of the character is me so, he is the steamed stuffed bun is easy to be remembered by the dog. I am very afraid of loneliness, and I am very dependent on people spiritually. However, I am not clingy, and only a little love and care can be enough for me to face everything in life. I do not plan to remarry, because I do not want to have another child, I only have enough energy to raise a child, also do not want to be a stepmother to others, complicated family relationship is difficult to balance. Besides, no one will remarry me in such a situation. It's not poverty alleviation, haha, I still have self-knowledge. When I'm in a hole, I talk about it, and every time I think I've settled down and nothing worse can happen, there's a new shock, and it happens again and again. Has passed the emotional ups and downs of the period, do not know now is numb or resigned, there is no chicken soup and no special anger, after this word, also want to continue to work. My goose and I, hope he grow up happy, I work hard to feed him. ........................... Line.......................................... Thank you all for your encouragement. You really are all kind people. There are also some girls with my common encounter, you do not be afraid ah, I will repeat a few words, about how I came out, for reference. After a divorce, the first thing to do is to find the right place to live. There are hundreds of dollars a month that is to rent, with children to rent first do not say that the party is not convenient, can be rented by the people abandon death, so can only find the whole rental house. The whole rent minimum 1,200 to 1,500, poor lighting, no space for children to play, and some of the first floor dark and damp mosquitoes, such a house to live in is not good for children's physical and mental health. We adults work less at home during the day, but the children are still young and spend more time at home. No space to play is like a dog in a cage, which affects personality. Finally, I found the place where I live now. Although it is a very old house, it has good lighting and dry. It is not big, only has a one-bedroom, but there is a small living room for children to play. The neighborhood security environment is also good, usually I a woman with a child will not be afraid. Transportation is not central but it is convenient. At that time, I had in mind a budget of 1,500 is the limit, although it was beyond my budget, all things considered, my personal expenditure to the minimum can still bear down. And I am confident that my income will increase in the future. After settling down, I began to plan the direction of my work. The previous work intensity was high, and I often had to work overtime. My child was too young to accompany and take care of, so I decided to change my career. Children more than three months when I was ready to textual research, nursing when reading, baby fell asleep I brush questions. Fortunately, once passed, and so on after the examination results came out, the resume, find a job on the breast milk, at this time the child is almost a year old complementary food also eat well, with a month of time to gradually break the breast milk. The initial salary will not be high, which I know well. The goal I set for myself is to quickly familiarize myself with the new job within one month and become skilled in it within two months. Until now the work has been smooth, so now set a small target, for the end of the year 1,700 rent is no longer my big burden, hee hee! And how to raise a child economically, children's clothes and toys are almost no money, you just ask your relatives if they have old clothes for you, you will receive old clothes from all over the place, ha ha, and they will all say the same thing: I am afraid you abandon it, my children's clothes and shoes are good, have not worn twice, new the same, lost a special pity, if you want to leave you later. I quickly nod like pound garlic, good good. So there are piles of clothes and toys in my home, which are most of the famous brand are also very new. Pure breast milk feeding before weaning does not need milk powder, after breaking breast milk a day to drink two meals to add three meals is enough. Now milk powder and diapers are a large amount of expenditure, this can not be saved, you can wait for the supermarket mother and baby shop discount when more stock up. Fruit, too expensive to eat, but often there will be a car with a cart full of fruit parked at the intersection to sell, will be very cheap, are in season fruit encountered to buy a few. As for the complementary food is now big with adults to eat, the other no big expenses. Instead of going swimming, I mostly took him to the park to look at plants, sit down and slide, and watch square dancing. It may also be that he loves me dearly. Now he is one year old, and he is in good health without getting sick. He is also a kind of minor illness that the doctor does not prescribe to the hospital. So I didn't spend much money on that either. There are also my friends who help me when I am in the most difficult time. I have two girlfriends, one of whom often comes to give me a hand to take the children to let me have a rest, often buy baby snacks for the baby, accompany me to take the children out to play, but recently I went to another city. One is not in my city, the work is very busy often do not make a sound to me to pay TREASURE in the transfer of money, the first just moved out of the time the child I did not start work but accept, I went to express gratitude and moved, she said, we are friends are not? Get off your back! But I remember in my heart she gave me every kindness, later I will return! I also met a good landlord, she is the first time to rent the house, she did not charge me a deposit, I repaired the toilet and plumbing, directly free my rent for a month, in fact, I only spent a small amount of money to repair those.
Divorcing a Narcissist Executive Psychopath With Anger Issues
(This is a continuing series. Please check out my other stories.) ~ It took 24 years and 68 days. ~ However, it didn’t arrive without much anguish. It took years to even start opening my eyes; it took years to begin unraveling the knotted web in which he had trapped me. It took years to start questioning his actions toward me, it took years to start identifying the brainwashing, it took years to start seeing the good in myself, it took years to grant myself permission to accept that I tried the best I could, to think that maybe all those bad names and criticisms weren’t all justified.
The road to the failure of a middle-aged man's 16-year marriage
First self-introduction, I male, 70, pure and kind heart, treat people sincerely gentle, work really. He is a straight man of science and engineering with high IQ and low EQ. He is also handsome in appearance and figure, but he is only 168cm tall. I grew up in a rural family in Sichuan province, with three elder brothers and sisters. Although my family was very poor in childhood, it was complete and simple and happy. Reading talent is very good, can be regarded as the outstanding student, 12 years old from the county middle school to read junior high school, not very hard but all the way smoothly, in the 90's college entrance examination to exceed the tsinghua university admission line 20 points of science results into the forefront of the south 985 colleges of economics department. After college is pure all kinds of books and students to play, not to fall in love, not to one's deceased father grind and read again, first back to sichuan telecommunication authority do after graduation (or post office) computer and network technology, so from that time on, just contact with the Internet, the earliest participation in local telecom Windows and 163/169, and so on, He is one of the earliest Internet people in China. Because I could not stand the rigidity of the system, I got a job in a network company in Guangzhou in 1999, and worked as a technical engineer in the tuning and maintenance of routers and switches. After that, I skipped several companies and even went back and forth between Guangzhou and Shenzhen twice. I gradually changed from pure technology to pre-sales support engineer, writing various pre-sales and after-sales plans, and then to marketing director, operation manager, operation director and deputy general manager. My monthly salary also increased from 3,000 to 10,000 yuan (more than ten years ago). During the venture also failed to toss over all their savings at that time.