Recently I’ve found out what the term “Tsunami divorce” means. And I had to learn that the hard way.
To my surprise, I am finding out more and more that it is, for me and others alike. My verdict is that most men I meet think I have passed my ‘sell-by date,’ (I’m in my forties, for goodness sakes!) But being ‘Indian,’ some of the men I meet from my ‘community’ believe I just want to have ‘fun.’ No one seems to take the idea of having a relationship seriously. Well, in all honesty, I have only been on various dating apps for a little while. I have not met many potential male suitors— only a few. Some of my friends, on the other hand, have met many men and I mean lots of men… However, from my conversations and generally what I have discovered, there seems to be quite a common trait—that is revealed about people both men and women on these dating apps, and it seems that most that I have come across are still married! I think meeting someone if you’re single is more difficult than meeting someone who is married nowadays.
Hey there. How you doing? If this is your first time, welcome. If you happen to be here for another trip, welcome. I want to say how brave I think you are. It's an amazing journey and it's going to require your utmost dedication. You have to be able to keep going when it seems like nothing has ever hurt this much or that you might be dying. Your old self will die off. You will inevitably try and keep it on life support for as long as possible because that's human. I hope that you have a funny internal voice for this. You are going through some heavy stuff, but you can survive it. And I'm going to give you a road map that I designed when I was going through my crisis.
Some of the main negative energies which can steer a happy marriage towards a disaster like a divorce are anger, anxiety, miscommunication, jealousy, frustration, and misunderstandings. Once these negative energies take over your relationship, the only solution couples realize is to separate from one another, so they can achieve some semblance of peace and happiness in life.
Chapter 1: A Necessary Compromise
I remember nervously standing in line at the courthouse together, waiting for our turn and unsure what to expect. We’d Googled how to file for divorce and had filled the paperwork out as best as we could... It’s not like we could afford to hire a lawyer for help. We couldn’t really ask any of our friends or family for help either because none of them have ever had to file for divorce. They’re all still happily married.
Michelle comes home from a day of Christmas shopping. This Christmas would be one that would be forever embedded in her memory. When she walked in the house, she could hear what sounded like female voices coming from the living room. She recognized one of the voices being that of Antonio's Mother. Could it be? She told Antonio that his Mother wasn't allowed in their home. She bypassed the living room, and headed straight to their bedroom where Antonio was going through his drawer in their dresser. She was so disgusted that his Mother was there that she didn't say a word to Antonio, but instead left, and went to a nearby phone booth to call Antonio. When she did not receive an answer, she went back home. This time she peeped in the living room, because she heard what she thought was speaking in tongues, which is a language members of a particular Religious group to communicate with "source." She would soon find out what was really going on.
I didn't get married on a whim. I know that some people were so excited about the prospect of finally being able to get married that they tied the knot when maybe it wasn't at the right time or to the right person. I didn't think I was part of that group.
Time has passed... and although some would claim it to have been enough, the wounds still hurt as if they were made yesterday. The last time we spoke, you attempted to make me feel guilty for the relationship that was destroyed between my daughter and I. You claimed that no matter what I was doing, you knew that there was at least a brief moment where she was on my mind. A brief moment... If it weren't so sad it would be funny. If you only knew that I think about the two of you every minute of every god damn day.
When the subject of divorce comes up it becomes easy to see how you could find yourself getting tired of talking about it. You might go back and forth with your spouse about various irreconcilable differences, and find that you are getting upset just about the paperwork, and how you will split things down the middle.
Few things in life can be as traumatic as the end of a marriage. With an important relationship changing in such a fundamentally life changing way, people often feel angry, depressed, stressed, or all of those things at once. And, while all of this is going on, you’ll have a lot of new things to deal with: legal proceedings, future plans, and perhaps new living arrangements to name just a few.