Struggles of a Young Adult ...... in the Twenties.

So what I feel as a person in their twenties is that as teenagers when we were like, "Oh, man, I can't wait to be an adult then I'll have so much freedom", yeah that was not true. I know that our parents tried to tell us that that wouldn't even be close to what adulting is like, but did we listen? Not really. I mean, I don't understand and quite possibly don't like the idea of taxes, I'm barely beginning to understand insurance and the different types of insurance I should probably have, and don't get me started on credit scores. Adulting just seems to be like this meme.

I have begun to lay the foundation and gain experience for my career but it feels as if I'll have to work my life away and I don't necessarily want to do that. I wasn't born rich and I don't necessarily think that I will marry into a rich family so it's not like I have a lot of options except to work hard and gain as much experience as possible. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining and I thank God every day that I have been blessed to have a good job, have a roof over my head, and have a family that loves and supports me. I'm just utilizing this space to write out my feelings and thoughts. Another sad fact is that I'm not that great with numbers either and the whole concept of investing and other methods to help increase your income, sounds a lot like rocket science to little old me. So not much of an option there either. Also please don't think that I am a "material girl", I enjoy splurging a little bit but I am very happy with the blessings and stuff that I have. Again, just using this as a writing/thinking place.

So continuing, it's not just the fact that in our world it feels that we must work our lives away just to be able to enjoy ourselves, but honestly finding love and companionship has also been a struggle. Growing up, I didn't initially begin looking at boys, guys, etc until about middle school age, which I think is typical of anyone boy or girl. I had crushes but no one seemed to stick. It didn't help either that all my friends always seemed to get hit on but I was always in their shadows. It felt like that even through high school. At that point, there was a guy who asked me out, but I didn't want to lead him and/or hurt him in the long run because I didn't reciprocate those feelings, so I turned him down. Truth be told, in the quiet moments of life, I sometimes wonder if I should've said yes. Then there was a guy I was interested in and he said that he was attracted to me but then we didn't have any other classes together and we naturally fell out of contact with each other. We still follow each other on social media and he has a solid girlfriend now I'm happy for him, but once again, in the quiet moments, I wonder what would've happened if I told him how I felt. Then there was the one guy that I was on the cusp of actually dating and finally having a boyfriend. We talked about and acknowledged our feelings for one another but we wanted to pray about it first before diving right in. Long story short, we mutually agreed to stay friends. However, he ended up breaking my heart, causing me to have emotional pain and other stuff. Truth be told, again, I'm scared that he has ruined it for me for the men I will meet in the future. I am going to counseling to talk through everything I've felt in this journey with him as a "friend," and I put that in quotes because it sure hasn't felt like we've been friends. So after that fiasco, I decided to try online dating. I met an amazing man who was such a gentleman. The sad thing was that I felt much for him other than being friends with him. Which he understood. Which made me feel frustrated and confused. On social media I see friends and strangers and friends getting married, having children, or just finding their person. Is it too much to ask for God to speed up the process in my life? I've also made the joke that my future husband is praying too hard or too frequently and that's why no one has stuck. It is honestly getting tiresome loving and dreaming of something that just seems like it may never happen. I know that I'm probably sounding super melodramatic but I don't know, these are just some of the thoughts and feelings that come to mind when I breech this subject.

So finishing up my rant. I'm focusing on my career. I've given up on chasing boys and I guess I'll just wait for a man to show up. So thanks for coming to my TED talk. I'll just be here working, living, and taking life one day at a time.