So You Stayed With A Cheater. Here's What Everyone Thinks Of You.

Everyone has the right to do what they want with their relationship when one-half cheats. 

You can stay in the relationship. You can quit the relationship. 

The choice is up to you.

What you don't want to happen, yet what is out of your control, is managing the opinions of those people around you.

Everyone is going to have them. They're going to take the information they know about your fractured relationship, and what they can infer, and pass judgement. 

Even if they say they aren't judging you, they are. It's only human. And cheating is one of the easiest topics to judge people about.

You know that. The fact they're judging you isn't a surprise. You've judged them before for their actions. It's what we do. Sometimes, they will tell you what they're thinking. 

Most of the time, they won't, though. 

They will keep their socially unacceptable thoughts to themselves.

So you know, here's what they're thinking about how your partner cheated on you and the fact you're staying.

You're easy to manipulate

The fact your partner could cheat on you at all means people will assume you're easy to lie to, manipulate or gaslight.

Now, those things might not have happened in your cheating relationship. But it's the fact that your partner broke your trust, and now you're seemingly letting them get away with it by staying, people will assume this.

They might not believe it wholeheartedly. They might know some of what happened and feel more sorry for you than this judgement. But your cynical loved ones will wonder how easy it is to pull the wool over your eyes.

A warning by the way; people will use this fact about you to manipulate you in the future. 

Hey, you let a cheating partner back in your life, what else will you let slide?

They're thinking your partner is going to do it again

You may trust your partner again, and rebuild the trust they've broken, but the people in your life might not. They are likely thinking your cheating partner will re-offend at some time during your relationship.

I can't entirely blame them for thinking this. If you cheat once, you can cheat again. But we're all capable of cheating, though, so it's a divisive thought to indulge.

The real problem you need to be aware of is if this does happen and you need your loved ones' support. 

People don't feel so sorry for those who've forgiven a cheater only to get cheated on again. 

Just Google Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson. It was all, poor Khloe the first time. And then it was all, what a fool she was the second, third, fourth time…

They don't like your relationship

You expect everyone to hate your cheating partner?

You think it's your cheating partner who they hate, but we know from when two people split, people do take the cheating partner's side. It shows how much people become attached to one side, and to a union as a whole.

What does this mean for you?

Sometimes the people in your life don't hate them at all. They love them despite what they've done. What they truly hate, and sometimes can't articulate, is your relationship. They hate that the two of your remain as a bonded partnership, a team that has wavering trust.

In truth, they don't understand it. And what they don't understand they dislike, push against, and repel.

They count down the days to the end

Without knowing how repaired your relationship is, your loved ones will start to wonder when your relationship will end. 

We're prone to thinking this; Hollywood and romance novels have taught us relationships don't tend to survive cheating. 

At some point, the aggrieved cheat-ee can't trust their partner, despite all their trying, and they split up.

It's not saying this is the rule for all relationships. I'm not saying this will happen to you. But it doesn't stop people from thinking this cliche will play out. They can't help catastrophising the worst for you.

As a side note, It's not what they want, necessarily. It's more about how they worry for you instead.

They hate they can't say what you should hear

And in this situation, everything they're thinking, all these thoughts, they can't say any of it to you. These thoughts about your partner are a social faux pas, and a way to create tension between them and you.

To say what they really feel wouldn't go down well. Imagine the arguments, the tension, the rollercoaster of emotions. 

You don't need this whilst dealing with a fractured relationship.

But this doesn't quash the fact they want to tell you.

It doesn't make any of this true

You might not be someone who thinks these thoughts about their friends. Well done to you. You're a nice human being with a distinct lack of judgement. This makes you an enigma. 

If only the whole world were like you.

Yet, there are people out there thinking this. I will admit I've had some of these thoughts myself. Fleeting thoughts some of them. I'm human; I'm willing to admit my thoughts aren't always nice and PG.

What I think, though, what everyone else thinks, doesn't equal facts.

What you need to remember is that only you know the truth of what it's like in your relationship. 

And despite everyone's thoughts, you don't need to justify or explain the truth to anyone. It's your life to live and your happiness to enjoy.

As much as you know the truth, you can't control people's thoughts of you. They will have these thoughts whether you want them to or not. And in situations like this, where there are extreme emotions, people will judge harder than ever. It's what people do.

You don't have to indulge their thoughts. That's the great thing.

Now you know what they're thinking, you can act accordingly. You can tell your truth. You can say nothing at all. The choice is yours.

Consider this an FYI to help you move through life and navigate this situation. It's better to know this than not, in my book.

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