ghost of a wallflower
#poem-some-days
~
it's hard to miss what you never had,
to hear others grieving hugs and kisses and conversations
with family who loved them unconditionally,
and realize that you only know what that looks like
not how it feels.
it's hard to miss what you've rarely experienced.
when dysfunctional has been your normal,
when oversight and ignorance are commonplace,
when you're a wallflower and there's no wall
just a lingering wisp of a ghost, a witness that
no matter how hard you try to be seen,
to be heard, to matter,
you fail.
~
it's hard to know how to give that to someone else–
all the things you're missing.
sometimes the trying gets messed up,
and it feels like digging yourself out of a hole
that you were pushed into.
how do you claw your way to the top?
finally pull yourself over the edge
and stand on two functional feet,
figure a way to get your lungs breathing again
so you can fill them with the things you were denied–
love and kindness and compassion;
those beautiful things borrowed for a moment
before you awkwardly share them with the next generation
and hope you don't fuck it all up.
maybe the answers are here in this muddied pit
where you sit and wallow.
~
yet what if you got what you wished for...could you
survive such tragedy, such unimaginable loss
when those loved ones leave this earthly plane?
the devastation. the aching pain.
are you strong enough?
because you internalize your emotions and other's too.
you feel everything and nothing all at once,
a shell of empathy wrapped around a hollow core.
perhaps it's better to not know,
to sit in shadows at the edge of the light
toes barely touched by weakened warmth,
and be thankful for
invisibility.
____________________________________________________
Thank you for trudging through this one! Holidays and upcoming birthdays and extended family health issues just got my mind a hot mess. Love to you all, ~H
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More stories from Heather Hubler and writers in Poets and other communities.
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Emaciated arms covered by the tiniest bit of flesh capture me, holding me close to its decaying form. Gnarled and thin fingers pull my dark hair. Screams of anguish surround me, somehow reverberating from the empty chasm. I punch and watch as bits of grey flesh disintegrate into dust. Scratching at the caverns where its eyes should have been, I could only hope for an end to this hell. The sounds of torment continued, assaulting my ears with one tremendous roar.
By Isabella Rosea day ago in Horror
Comments (24)
Whoa! Impressive piece, but such a sad tone. I hope your head is in less of a spin and things have picked up! 🙂
Emotional truth...very relatable. Well-expressed.
Wishing you all the best
Hi
Congrats on your Top Story!🥳🥳🥳
Wow! Before 22 hrs when I am commenting, this was a poem but now this is a top poem. I am really really happy !!!
Oh this was so good. Heartbreakingly sad too. Wishing you all the best.
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Absolutely stunning work here. Your word choice and writing flow is incredible! Well deserved TS!
Beautiful! Congrats on top story!
what emotion!! it's all there, plain and simple, for all to see. BRAVO. congratulations on TS.
Very well done, Heather! The lines "because you internalize your emotions and other's too. you feel everything and nothing all at once, a shell of empathy wrapped around a hollow core." are going to stick with me. This was honestly a hard read, due to how relatable it was.
ALL of it is hard. You just make your choices which hard to keep going with.
Whew! Sing it, Sis! Sometimes invisibility equals respite - sometimes, not. You decribed it beautifully, as always. Congratulations!
All of this is amazing but particularly these two lines, "perhaps it's better to not know, / to sit in shadows at the edge of the light". You describe the dysfunctionality of families and the almost angry, pained curiosity of what it would be like to grieve under different circumstances with delicate elegance. Well deserving of Top Story!
Another powerful book-worthy, performance-worthy piece from the Hubler...felt all the pain in this one but written with elegance and raw honesty. I don't have that experience...but I know Ruth does to an extent. Congrats on the deserved Top Story! Keep your chin up, like The Renee said below...nothing lasts forever...you can get through this rough patch as you have others. fin-damn-van-damn-penne.
Invisibility can certainly be a haven. Incredible work, Heather
Beautiful. Hugs to you, and just a reminder that nothing lasts forever (including the rough times!) ❤️❤️❤️
"when you're a wallflower and there's no wall" "because you internalize your emotions and other's too. you feel everything and nothing all at once, a shell of empathy wrapped around a hollow core." These lines punched me so hard in the gut! They were just so relatable. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way my fear friend 🥺 Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
Heartbreaking. That's it!
Pure powerful melancholy and heartbreaking💕❤️❤️
So heartbreaking and well written!
Wow. Just wow. The writing, the expression of this is outstanding, so much so that I'm struggling to find the words to define how it makes me feel. I, just today, wrote a piece about the loss of family members, and while I do speak of missing them, I'll never say they were perfect. However, I don't think it's near the level you describe. I'm sorry to make this about me, my friend. I just think this poem utterly fantastic in its raw emotion, and I am befuddled for words.
Beautiful, Heather. The imagery and emotions are described so perfectly. I particularly love the lines "figure a way to get your lungs breathing again so you can fill them with the things you were denied– love and kindness and compassion; those beautiful things borrowed for a moment" Just stunning. To fill our lungs, our bodies, with the things that we need to survive, to breathe, and the suggestion that those things are *borrowed,* that they are needed but might not be given always, or are something that is a gift, but maybe not always something we feel we're entitled to... Absolutely lovely. Subscribing for more! ❤️