Should You Date a Girl With Daddy Issues, or Leave Her Weeping? (Unapologetic Answer)

First, I have nothing against women with "daddy issues."

We all have issues. Different kinds of issues. Depression, sadness, self-esteem issues, you know the drill. For over a year, I dated a girl who had problems with her father. Then dated more girls with similar problems and backgrounds and realizd, "You know what, that daddy issues thing isn't some psychological bullshit."

My instincts told me to forget it, yet I ignored that little voice and kept going.

We met at a party

She was tipsy. I was 26 then and had just gotten my first taste of life without depression.

Attraction was there. We both felt it strongly. I remember we sat on a couch, and she asked me a stupid question that made me go, "Is she for real?"

We got each other's numbers at the end of the night and split. Texted a bit for a couple of days, and went out together. After a month of dating I told her, "Listen, we should stop seeing each other. I don't think it can work."

I just didn't feel it. We weren't a good match.

But she insisted. She cried, and I felt sorry for her. I told myself I'd give it a shot. Go with the flow and see what happens. We dated and broke up. Then made up and broke up again.

She had all the telltale signs of a wrong decision:

Extreme neediness. Great love for alcohol. Weed on weekends. Trying to lure you in with sex. Doesn't give a damn about the condom. Every time I let go, she came back. Even though I told her I was just going with the flow.

She said she didn't care as long I won't see other girls. And I haven't.

The problem wasn't her issues

She wasn't a bad person. She wasn't some idiot as well.

However, she wasn't open-minded enough to admit she had a problem. I told her she should see a therapist, and yes, she went to see someone (some "life coach" who told her what she needed to hear).

But I don't think she ever took it seriously. It never sank in. She went on with her bullshit and, with time turned manipulative. 

Last week I saw her again. We broke up five years ago but still meet randomly for sex. It's been two years since I last saw her. She's still banging her head against the wall. Just broke up with a guy she was seeing.

Nothing has changed.

So, should you date her or not?

My general answer is no. 

Hard to tell what will happen, but if you see any red flags- she loves to drink a lot, uses sex to feel loved, she's manipulative, etc.- I wouldn't get into any sort of relationship. At least not for a long time.

However, it may work if she's aware of her issues and committed to taking care of herself. Maybe.

A partner who can see his flaws and be accountable for them can be great. The sort of "daddy issues" girls I dated was a bit of an extreme case, I think. Many people with issues are smart enough to admit they have a problem and take care of it.

Unfortunately, most people aren't able to see their own flaws.

Who am I to judge

I had my own issues. Dealt with my own demons. 

Maybe that girl you're seeing will change after all, even if the odds are slim.

Do what you want. But don't think for yourself, "She'll change. She'll be a different person."

I wouldn't count on that, especially if she's into stuff like alcohol and heavy smoking. I mean, people do make a change sometimes. But that percentage is small; you got a better chance of seeing a falling star.

Conclusion

Believe in people. See the good in them. Give them a chance if you think you should. But don't go too far thinking, "She'll change". At the end of the day, do what's good for you.